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Pie is a Fake, Cake is a Lie

by Krek

“It’s not like her to not show-up at all.” The young unicorn thought to herself in a gallop. “What possible reason could Pinkie want with me at such a time?”

Pinkie Pie hadn’t shown up all day. In fact, neither Twilight nor the others have even heard from the pink pony until the mid-afternoon. She hadn’t shown up for Applejack’s apple-gathering ventures with the others, Rainbow Dash’s flying practice and Rarity’s spa visits. Heck, she didn’t even appear when Fluttershy revealed her plans for a small get-together with the others for her birthday (which was still a month or two away). For that day, it seemed as though Pinkie Pie, the resident prankster of Ponyville, did not exist.

Twilight and the others noticed the pink pony’s absence when they got together in the morning, but paid little attention to this “minor” detail and went onto their day; however, by mid-afternoon, after planning Fluttershy’s birthday event at her cottage, they began to wonder what had happened with their random friend. Where was she? What is she up to? The group all gave their possible answers to this unusual question: Twilight Sparkle suggested that Pinkie was busy (either organizing and/or throwing a party); Applejack suggested she was being random with some other pony in Ponyville; Rarity agreed with Twilight, but suggested she may have partied with influential ponies like Hoity Toity, Sapphire Shores, Photo Finish or even Her Majesty, Princess Celestia herself; Fluttershy simply suggested that she may have slept in; Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, suggested she might have gotten into trouble, as Pinkie was prone to stepping on other ponies’ hooves by accident and causing conflict wherever she went. The others noted Rainbow’s notable concern for Pinkie, though Rainbow (attempting to regain her composure) stated that she’s just wondering where her pink friend was.

The ponies soon got their answer when the resident cross-eyed pegasus “dropped” in with a letter addressed directly to Twilight Sparkle:

Come meet me at the Sugarcube Corner. The letter read. It’s super, SUPER, DUPER important!

--Pinkie Pie

“So,” the Texan-accented Applejack began, upon reading the letter. “That girl’s been at the Sugarcube Corner this whole time?”

“She certainly must not be resting” Fluttershy timidly added.

“What’s she gotten herself into?” Rainbow Dash inquired, worry tinting her voice. “I hope she’s OK.”

“Well, I hope that she’s not partying with royalty or the fashion industry without me!” the white unicorn Rarity interjected.

“Well,” Twilight concluded, “whatever it may be, I’m going to find out what Pinkie’s been up to... and why she’s asking for me.” With that, the purple unicorn took-off in a gallop.

Twilight made it to the town of Ponyville, busy with everypony of shapes of sizes, carrying on with their everyday tasks and business, including Big Macintosh, Applejack’s big brother, selling bundles of apples while simply calling out “eYup!” when somepony went up to purchase some apples. Twilight even ran across the young Cutie-Mark Crusaders, where the fillies tried in vain to find their respective cutie-mark and their calling. Twilight finally managed to reach the Sugarcube Corner (which always reminded her of a gingerbread house scaled-up) where Pinkie Pie worked at. After pushing in the front-door to the confectionery store, Twilight come across something that could only be described as near pandemonium.

The kitchen of the confectionery store seemed to resemble more of a storm than a place to bake cupcakes or other sweets, with various utensils, baking ingredients and other unnameable objects flying around in seemingly random direction, only to be recaptured by the pink tornado which enveloped the entire kitchen room. Twilight could only stand there at the entrance in shock and awe.

Is this what Pinkie Pie wanted me here for? Twilight thought to herself. She has a pink tornado in the kitchen? Wait... a pink tornado?

The purple unicorn focused her eyes into the storm, attempting to find her pink friend somewhere in that hurricane of pink. That was when she found Pinkie; she wasn’t just in the storm, she was causing this miniature storm! The random pony seemed to have broken the Laws of Physics as she ran from corner to corner of the kitchen, catching objects she had thrown from one side of the room to the other without skipping a beat and applying each object to their assigned task with speeds that matched (or even surpassed) Rainbow Dash’s speed when flying. She didn’t even seem to recognize Twilight, still awestruck at what was unfolding in front of her.

The unicorn turned her attention to one object that sat in within the eye of the storm. It had first seemed impossible to distinguish, but with some effort, Twilight managed to witness a cake being prepared in the middle of the storm. The cake itself looked to be taller and larger than any regular-sized pony she knew, with layers upon layers being stacked upon each other to form the shape of the cake, before instantly being covered with what seemed to be frosting.

The storm intensified with size and ferocity, until in a snap, the pink tornado ceased to be. Pinkie Pie stood near the middle of the kitchen, panting furiously and being covered from head-to-hoof with flour and chocolate icing, with random utensils and other objects intertwined into her dishevelled mane. Beside her in the middle stood the cake; a giant of a cake to pony standards, covered from base to top with chocolate icing and chocolate shavings, six whipped cream mounds applied around the top of the cake with a cherry placed within each mound and a single lit candle placed in the middle of the cake. Anypony would call such a cake “glorious”.

“Wow!” Twilight exclaimed. “That looks delicious!” This got the pink pony’s attention, zooming right up into Twilight’s face, seemingly forgetting her fatigue.

“Twilight, thank goodness you came!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed happily, bouncing up and down with excitement, a huge, happy grin plastered on her face. “I’m so glad you came! I was beginning to think you wouldn’t show, but then I forgot with all this cake baking and such and planning for many parties ahead and how much fun we’ll have with those parties and eating such a cake like this and how much time it took to get such a cake and...” the pony continued rambling about the random things that had nothing to do with the subject at hand.

“So, it took you all day to bake such a cake?”

“Yes, along with prepare all the icing and cherry jam to go between all those layers and

such. I wanted to use apples before, but the recipe guide said nothing about using apples and only about cherries! And finding all the other utensils---“

“The others were worried something might have happened with you.” This momentarily got the pink pony to stop her rambling.

“Heh... sorry.” Pinkie Pie apologized sheepishly, blushing from her clumsiness. “Got so caught up with the baking that I guess I lost time... and time is apples!”

The two ponies stood there in the kitchen, Twilight shifting uncomfortably from side-to-side and Pinkie... being her Pinkie-self.

“So,” Twilight began, “what exactly did you need me for?”

“Need for what?” Pinkie Pie inquired.

“Earlier, you had sent for me for something ‘super, SUPER, DUPER important’.”

Pinkie, suddenly remembering her reasons, instantly gave a sheepish smile. “Oh! Thanks for reminding me! Could you use your magic on this cake?” Twilight shot her friend a sceptical look.

“My magic? Why?”

“Cause I wanna try and give this super, duper delicious cake of mine here a little... a little... pizazz!” Twilight deepened her sceptical look.

“Pizazz?” Inquired the unicorn.

“Uh, yeah... pizazz!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie.

Despite the pony’s poor choice of words, Twilight understood perfectly what she wanted. With that, she propped herself into a stance to give her balance, as the horn on her head began to glow brighter and brighter every second. The giant cake began to glow too, until the entire kitchen was enveloped in light. Twilight finished casting her spell, the light faded-out to reveal the cake was now sparkling brightly. Pinkie was ecstatic about this, hopping around the kitchen happily, thanking her friend over and over with ever-increasing enthusiasm and bliss. It almost seemed that this would go on forever, until both ponies noticed something strange was happening with the cake: it began to shake.

At first, the giant cake seemed to shake ever so softly, almost unnoticeable, but the shaking intensified, until the cake itself threatened to cause an earthquake around it with it’s shaking and rumbling. Pinkie Pie sought protection from the shaking behind Twilight, who herself began to worry if she somehow caused all this. Inexplicitly, the shaking stopped and the giant cake resumed sitting still... but that wouldn’t last long.

To Twilight’s and Pinkie’s shock and horror, four stick-like objects emerged from the sides of the cake. The sticks extended out from the cake until each of them hit a wall, which caused two of the sticks to bend up sharply at the ends and the other two to grow five smaller twigs-like appendages from the very tip of the sticks like a tree growing branches. The sticks stopped growing, but continued to move in every direction, almost as though control of each appendage was rooted at the cake in the middle of the kitchen. Using it’s new-founded limbs, the cake-being pushed itself off the floor and, with some adjustment, propped itself on it’s two “feet”. Towering over the two stunned ponies, the cake-being seemed to turn side-to-side, as if surveying the area around it, all the while bending it’s knees from being taller than the room, until it laid it’s attention upon the ponies, making a short little bow with it’s cake body and making a short hand gesture.

“Gentleponies.” The cake-being somehow spoke to the awestruck ponies in a French-accent. The two ponies that stood before the cake-being more wide-eyed than before, as it had spoken to them.

Using it’s long limbs and “hands”, the cake-being made it’s way for the exit, squeezing it’s cake body through door with effort, making short grunting noises. When it finally managed it’s way out of the kitchen, the cake-being stood high and tall (almost as tall as the Sugarcube Corner itself) and finally started to casually walk-off into the distance. All the while, both Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie stood there in silence, both in shock what had just transpired and their jaws hanging down without restriction. There the two stood for what seemed to be an eternity, until Pinkie Pie finally broke the silence:

“Monkey-feathers!” Cursed the pink pony, flattening her ears in annoyance. “That’s the third time that happened this week! Now I’m going to have to start all-over!” Twilight inched her head away from her friend in even greater shock. What was more shocking: a cake coming to life in front of them or Pinkie Pie having created two other sentient confectionery sweets before? Neither wasted any time: Pinkie Pie began her next batch of sweets while Twilight ran out the door.

What just happened?! She screamed in her mind. What did I just witness?! What do I tell my friends? Did Pinkie and I just create some sort of creature out of a cake? Where did it—No, Twilight! Stop thinking about it! Stop thinking about that cake! The Cake is a Lie! The Cake is a Lie! The Cake is a---

Twilight soon collapsed of exhaustion and shock into the arms of Fluttershy and the other ponies of their group, all the while muttering to herself over and over about what ran rampant in her head.

“The cake is... alive?” Rainbow Dash inquired. “What does that even mean?”

“Eh,“ dismissed Applejack. “Probably has somethin’ to do with Pinkie Pie creating some sort of cake-beast or somethin’. The usual.”