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Ponitics

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fan Fiction by Midousan

Case 1: Ch 1 Ministry of Friendship: First Break

Luna fidgeted and re-aligned the mahogany placard on her desk that read “Department Head, Ministry of Friendship: Ponyville.” She sat in her office, restlessly moving around with a deep frown on her face.

The Ministry of Friendship’s  Ponyville department offices were set up a week ago after a full summer of construction and training. Although Luna knew the full plan for the Ministry, she was unable to share it with her senior staff. To them, the Ministry was framed by vague definition of “to promote harmony throughout the land of Equestria.” All senior staff were told to direct their respective teams to begin researching social differences among ponies and await further instructions.

When will my dear sister allow me to explain the full duties of this department? I do not enjoy keeping information from ponies, Luna pondered to herself. Her thoughts were broken by a knock on the door. Her unease was quickly hidden behind a soft smile as she spoke.

“Please come in.”

A small burly colt entered the room. He had a coat of light teal and a horn peeking out from his ochre mane. The unicorn gave a short bow before he spoke. “You requested my presence, Miss Princess Luna?”

“Yes, Snips. I require you to take these updated statistics about Filly Foolery and Colt Cuddlery to Miss Sparkle post-haste. Please inform her I need the report a week earlier than planned,” Luna said, her warm smile still intact.

“Yes, Miss Luna!” Snips snapped happily, his horn glowing as he levitated the manila folder into his saddlebag before leaving.

“By my stars I hope Twilight will be all right,” Luna said wistfully as soon as Snips was out of earshot, her smile fading. “I hope she can keep control once she finds out the full scope of this, and how much it will affect those she holds dear.”

~~~

Snips trotted down the gleaming white hallway lined with various old paintings. He always enjoyed looking at them. A particular painting of an old general caught his eye, making him snicker.

“It’s a silly painting isn’t it Snips?” a bespectacled beige earth pony piped up beside the teal colt, causing him to shudder.

Snips jumped in surprise. “Twist! You startled me!” he said, taking a deep breath and allowing his heartbeat to return to normal before continuing. “Yeah, is it ever. Reminds me of that mustache I was given back in the day after the ‘G & PT’ incident.”  

Twist giggled, remembering how amusing Snips had looked. “Yeah, we all looked thilly, er silly, as foals. I’m so glad Rarity convinced me to ditch those thick-rimmed glasses,” she said, adjusting her thin black-framed spectacles. “Anywho, how are you finding your internship?”

“Ah, it’s going great! Luna just tasked me with passing documents to Twilight. Ya know she’s one of the Element holders!” Snips said, proudly puffing out his chest and glancing back to his saddlebag where the documents were still tucked safely inside.  

“Oh wow! That’s so wonderful! Congrats, Snips!” Twist exclaimed, looking down. “I’m somewhat jealous though. All I’m doing is mail-sorting work so far.”

“Don’t worry, Twist. With your attitude and charm I’m sure you’ll be doing more important stuff in no time, just you watch!” Snips comforted her. “Sorry to cut this short, but I gotta go. I don’t want to screw up my first important task! Unless I want Twilight to give me another mustache like that general,” he finished with a bucktoothed grin.

“Oh Thnips, you’re just tho thilly!” Twist said, giggling before blushing at the realization of her lisp coming through.  “Ech, sorry, it still comes back when I get excited,” she apologized while regaining her composure. “I sure hope you’re right about them giving me better work. I’m sure you won’t need it, but best of luck anyways on your first major assignment!” Twist watched as Snips nodded and galloped off down the corridor. She could hardly believe how the pudgy foal had muscled up over his fat and grown into such a solid colt. She let out a sigh and watched him turn the corner before trotting off herself.

~~~        

Behind a door with “Senior Officer” emblazoned on the glass sat a particular lavender pony. She stared out the window, not even noticing the young colt that had just nudged the door open and entered her office.

“Ummm, Miss Sparkle?” Snips said, levitating the folder out of his saddlebag, a professional smile on his face.

“Gah! What, Snips, what!” Twilight shouted, her face scrunched at the sudden intrusion that had broken her focus.

“Lu..Lu..Luna just sent me...” Snips said, his eagerness deflating as he shrunk backwards towards the hallway. He dropped the papers to the floor as he drew back, his magical grip diminishing in fear. “She sent me to deliver these statistics. She needs the related report a week earlier than planned. I-didn’t-read-so-I’m-not-sure-exactly-what-they-are,” Snips blurted out, wincing in fear.

“Why does she want this report before all the others?" Twilight said to herself, noticing the title on one of the parchments as she began picking them off the floor with her magic. Her voice softened. “Oh...um...thank you, Snips. I’m sorry for snapping on you, but you really shouldn’t sneak up on a pony like that.”

“Y-y-yes Miss Sparkle!” Snips responded as he trotted out the door, his head hung low as he walked. He had a feeling that he failed his first important job as an intern, and in his first week no less.

“I better check on him later,” Twilight said with an edge of concern as she returned to her contemplation.

Later that night she would be attending a five-years-together party. It had been that long since her friends had harnessed the Elements of Harmony and banished Nightmare Moon, ushering in the return of Princess Luna. In that time much had changed. Fluttershy had expanded her home into a veterinary clinic while Rainbow Dash achieved her dream of becoming a Wonderbolt. Both Rarity and Applejack had seen their businesses and profits grow, and Pinkie started her own enterprise. All of these changes wore on Twilight’s mind.

During those years, Twilight wrote an academic paper: a culmination of her studies on “The Magic of Friendship”. Much to Twilight’s surprise, The article was well-received among the academic circles in Equestria. Based on the paper’s success, she was hired to a position within the newly-minted Ministry of Friendship. She kept going back to a line she had written in her paper: “Friendship is a magical concept that binds ponies together with common and uncommon threads.” That line was at the forefront of her mind. Due to training for her job, she had seldom seen her friends in the past year. I wonder if those threads are still strong, She thought to herself as she watched a bird flit about outside her office window.

Twilight yawned, looking away from the window and magicking the statistics in front of her. She grabbed the report, her brow furrowing as she read the title:

Equestrian Citizens and Tolerances Towards Filly-Foolery/Colt-Cuddlery.

Twilight sighed. Why does it have to be related to that report out of all of them? Is it wrong to write a report that is so relevant to one of your closest friends? Twilight pondered as she pulled an official “Equestrian Sports” binder, a pad of paper, and a pen onto her desk. Looking down, she somberly began to read the preamble of the report.

This report has been compiled with the highest care, using statistical practices established for centuries. We, the statisticians, recognize the sensitive nature of this as it pertains to filly-foolery/colt-cuddling (from here on referred to as FF/CC), and wish to remind the reader or fellow statistician to remember that we are neutral in this matter. We have no personal opinion nor do we have any reason other than statistical record-keeping for compiling and explaining the results of this report.

“Wow, did they ever cover their flanks,” Twilight said to herself as she scribbled “Notes on the Effects of FF/CC in Equestrian Sporting” at the top of her pad of paper before continuing to skim through the report.

Of those districts surveyed, the most positive is Fillydelphia, with only two percent of respondents listed as having an issue with FF/CC. This statistic should not be considered surprising as Fillydelphia’s annual “Pride Parade” for FF’s/CC’s garners a large monetary sum for businesses. In addition to having been run for the past decade, it has been well-received by the citizenry. This is in contrast to another urban center, Manehattan. It was the lowest-ranked of the urban centres, sitting at a 70% approval rating for FF/CC. This is again not particularly surprising given the large segment of Manehatten’s population that strives for a notion of a “Higher Class” lifestyle. In the rural areas, Ponyville scores considerably high towards FF/CC tolerance. It sits at an 86% approval whereas all other rural districts sit at 60-70% approval ratio. This statistical variance can potentially, but not fully, be explained by Ponyville being the home of the colloquially named Elements of Harmony. Most importantly of those, Twilight Sparkle, whose research paper “Friendship, Love and Tolerance” espoused the notion of how friendship can overcome anything...

The pen that was magically scratching on her pad faltered momentarily as a light red tinge appeared on her smiling face. I didn’t realize my paper was even being read by statisticians. They’re usually more concerned with mathematics. I really don’t think I can stand reading about myself, Twilight thought as she opened up the “Equestrian Sports” binder and immediately seeking out per-city event attendance levels. Upon finding the statistics, she skimmed the conclusion of the report.

Of those respondents that listed having an issue with regards to FF/CC only five percent of them  would make an important judgemental decision based on if a pony was a FF/CC. The remaining 95% of respondents that listed having a negative attitude towards FF/CC were quick to point out that these were simply personal attitudes, ones that they would not allow to dictate their actions. Therefore the statistical amount of those who are truly “intolerant” towards FF/CC, in the non-statistical and denotative sense, is much smaller than apparent at first glance. Further differentials...

Having finished reading, Twilight released the bond between her horn, pen, and the report. The pen landed with a soft clack, and the report floated haphazardly down to the corner of her desk. She reached up and rubbed her horn before letting out another yawn.

Standing up from her desk, Twilight decided to saunter over to Luna’s main office to ask why the report needed to be in so soon. As Twilight trotted the hallway, her head swam.

“Does Luna not realize me compiling a report on the effects of filly-foolery and colt-cuddlery in Equestrian Sports is a subject so close to me? It’s hard to do a report of this nature when one of your closest friends is a filly fooler AND a member of the Wonderbolts. I should ask for somepony else to finish the research. I have way too many probable biases that could cloud my objectivity” Twilight sighed, realizing her destination was now five steps behind her.

“Twilight Sparkle, my faithful officer, did you forget where my office was, my little pony?” came the voice of Luna as it drifted into the hallway.

A flushed Twilight doubled back. “Luna! I’m sorry, there’s just a lot on my mind right now and- ”

“I’ve made it worse by piling more work on you,” Luna said, finishing Twilight's thoughts as she entered the office.

“Yes… I mean, I know I can do it, it’s just I don’t get why the sudden urgency?” Twilight paused before her next comment. “And don’t you think I’m not the best choice for somepony to write an objective report on tolerance issues and sporting events given my closeness to the subject?”

“That, is just why I chose you. It’s the closeness on the subject that makes you valuable in writing the report. I’m not looking for something super objective, you know,” Luna said with a wink.

Twilight stood and blankly stared at Luna.

Luna sighed. “I fear you will find out soon enough why I chose you,” she said, happiness draining out of her voice. “I’m sorry I can’t tell you more. For now, take the rest of the day off. I believe you have plans to prepare for anyways, right Twilight?”

“Oh no not at all I can...” Twilight began to speak, “Oh right! The five-years together-meet-up!” she had realized Luna was referring to the meet-up tonight. “Yes yes yes thank you, I’ll take the rest of the day to prepare.” Twilight smiled gratefully as she left the office.            

Twilight walked out of the office building and passed by Twist talking to a somber Snips. I hope he’ll be fine. I’ll talk with him on Monday if he’s not, Twilight thought as she headed out the door, her mind worrying about something larger than Snips’ well-being.

~~~

“So how did it go Snips, how was meeting Twilight?” Twist asked eagerly. She was reminded of Snips earlier task by the sight of the purple-maned pony leaving.

“Really bad Twist, just horrible,” he moaned “Twilight snapped at me cause I startled her, and I’m sure she’s going to tell Luna what a horrible job I did. I should have knocked on the door and been more polite, like Cheerilee or something… gah!” Snips said, his hoof hammering on the floor.

Twist frowned for a moment before her usual perky demeanor kicked in. “Well, I’m sure you’re just overreacting, but I think I have something that will cheer you up regardless. A bunch of us are heading out to Pub Scratch to celebrate our first week of work, and so far everypony but you is confirmed for attending!” Twist said a she mustered the most infectious smile she could muster.

“Twist, I don’t know, it’s not really my thing,” Snips said bluntly.

“Oh come on! Your friend Snails will be there!”              

“Okay, okay fine, I’ll think about it.” Snips said, wanting the subject dropped.

“Super! See you at six,” Twist said as she galloped off, smiling gleefully.

“Wait, I said... I’d consider,” Snails replied, his words trailing off as he spoke far too late for Twist to hear. “Well I guess that means I’m going to have to go. I don’t want to let down a filly now, do I?”

~~~

Twilight, having fixed her mane and showered off the work grunge, briskly stepped out of her flat. She took time to peek in at the Ponyville Library next-door as she walked by. Much to her joy, everything was in order, at least as far as she could tell from the outside of her old home.  

Small pleasures for Twilight were welcome company as it was not the best Friday. Especially not one that marked the end of her first week of work. She had blown up at an intern, Luna wasn’t being especially forward with her, and she had barely seen her friends in the past year. All the stress caused her to almost forget about plans for tonight!

I wonder how much they’ve changed since the last time we’ve seen each other. Although the probability is low, I can’t help but worry, she thought.

As she turned down the street heading towards Chez Sucre, she noticed a smiling Snips being led by Twist into the local hangout spot for the younger crowd, “The Scratch Pub”.

Twilight smiled at the sight. Well there’s one of my problems down. Twist appears to have cheered him up.

Twilight continued to gallop towards Chez Sucre, passing by Sugarcube Corner and turning the next street to see her destination. As she arrived a doorpony adorned in a  satin bowtie bowed and greeted her.

“Mademoiselle Sparkle, I presume?” he said.

“Oui…I mean, yes!” Twilight replied, blushing.

“The booth is this way. It will allow you some privacy. However, please keep in mind other patrons will still be able to hear you if your conversation gets too noisy. Please be aware to not disturb other patrons,” he spoke as he led Twilight in through the restaurant, his thick Cajun French accent strongly apparent.

Upon arrival at the booth, Twilight spotted Applejack and Fluttershy already seated.

“Hi girls,” Twilight offered with a smile towards the orange and yellow ponies.

“Well howdy there Twilight, ain’t seen you around in a while. Guess it’s that new job ya wrassled yerself,” Applejack offered a friendly hoofshake which Twilight accepted with an outstretched hoof. She smiled warmly when the hoofshake turned into a soft one-foreleg hug.

“Oh yes Twilight...please tell us about your new job, um that is... if you want to,” said Fluttershy, her wings carrying her slightly out of her seat in quiet excitement.

“I’m doing all right girls. Happy to see me, Fluttershy? You’re floating out of your seat,” Twilight giggled at her friend, causing a blush to form over the pegasus’ cheeks.

“Eeep, I’m sorry Twilight! I’ve just missed you,” Fluttershy whispered, timidly hugging the purple mare before softly floating back down into her seat.

“Aww, now yer just being mean to the poor mare,” Applejack complained before putting a foreleg over the yellow pegasi and pulling her in for a hug, causing the pink on Fluttershy’s cheeks to deepen. “Now tell us about yer new job, wontcha’? How is it with the princess as a boss anyhow?”

“I’d love tell you all about it, Applejack!” Twilight beamed. “Except the thing is, I’m not really sure what my job is at the moment. I’ve been working for a week, but all Luna’s had me do is read reports and statistical analyses, and then create more paperwork. All I really know is the purpose of the Ministry of Friendship – ‘To foster friendship among ponies.’ Currently it feels like it’s ‘To foster regurgitation of information through writing reports on reports,” Twilight said.

“Then Twilight... um... you might be quitting your job and returning to your librarian duties?” Fluttershy asked, her cheeks still slightly rosy.

“Why? Is Nomde Plume not doing a good job? Last I saw, she was doing excellently, and was happy to be out of the Canterlot bookstore she owned that - as she described it to me - was pretty much a library anyway,” Twilight queried.

“Oh no, I mean, I don’t know, I’m sure she’s doing a wonderful job,” Fluttershy said, now worried that she might have spoken poorly about another pony. “Although with Spike being gone you never know... Oh Fluttershy, you don’t know how she’s doing, don’t badmouth another pony... ” Fluttershy squeaked to herself as she trailed off.

“How is Spike doin’, anyway?” Applejack asked, eager to help her pegasus friend get out of an awkward hole.

“Well last I heard, he’s doing a wonderful job following in my hoofsteps and becoming the personal student of Draconia’s new king, Scar. Although he’s nervous because most of the dragons in Draconia are much larger than he is,” Twilight said, before turning towards her yellow friend. “Fluttershy, Nomde has an assistant. Owlowiscious is helping her. Plus, it’s not like I don’t live by there anymore. If she needs me she can just come knocking. There’s a reason I built my new home next do- OOF.”

Twilight’s speech was unceremoniously interrupted as she was knocked off-balance. Landing on the floor with an annoyed grunt, she found herself swimming in a sea of pink frizz.

“Oh my gosh Twilight, I can’t believe you’re here! Because we totally didn’t think you would come!!! Because we assumed you would be super busy with your new job. But you’re here and that's amazing because it just really wouldn't have been a We've-Been-Together-For-5-Years-party without you,” Pinkie rattled off, her knack for verbosity having progressed over the years, helped along by her job as Equestria’s top partymaker and baker. “Hey, wait a minute... all I see is you three...no! Don’t tell me, the other three aren’t going to show...” Pinkie stopped as her eyes welled up with tears.

“Ah reckon they’re just runnin’ late, sugarcube,” drawled Applejack. “And while yer at it, ya might want ta get off our friend,” she said, pointing at the dazed and annoyed Twilight on the ground.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry Twilight I just was so excited!” Pinkie offered.

“That’s all right Pinkie. I’m just not used to being pounced on any more. It doesn’t happen much, if at all, in an office environment.” Twilight tried gasping for air with Pinkie’s rump pressing down on her chest.

“Ohh! I almost forgot! I brought special CUPCAKES!” Pinkie bounced off Twilight, allowing her to gratefully gulp in a lungful of air amidst her annoyed stare. “They’re made with a SUPER SPECIAL IN-”

Pinkie stopped dead at the sight of a brown stallion with an hourglass cutie mark that had just entered their midst, looking slightly confused.

“Oh my apologies ladies, wrong... wrong booth,” he stammered as he left, shaking his head.

“How. . .CRAZY, he didn’t even stay for a cupcake, what kind of pony doesn’t stay for cupcakes?” Pinkie burst out, throwing the treats haphazardly behind her, leaving the booth even more stupefied. Their confusion over the situation was snapped as an elegant white unicorn stepped in.

“Who WAS that ruffian that just left our private booth? I hope that’s not somepony’s coltfriend here, because honestly, girls, any one of you could do better than that plain brown Earth pony. What was with his disheveled hair, UGH,” Rarity said, lifting her white nose in the air.

All the mares in the room stifled laughter, before Fluttershy piped up “Um... I wouldn’t mind him as a coltfriend... that is... if he’d accept me,” she said, giggling quietly.

“Ah told ya once and Ah told you again Fluttershy, ya just need to be a bit more assertive. That’s why you haven’t found a coltfriend, or fillyfriend fer that matter, if yer barn door swings that way.” Applejack said.

“Or Fluttershy could go after a similarly fabulously quiet colt, perhaps one like your brother, dear Applejack,” Rarity flitted her eyes with a devious smile, drawing a hard stare from the southern mare.

“Ahm not even gonna respond to that, Rarity,” Applejack retorted coldly.

“Um...and besides... Big Macintosh is such a big colt... A hug alone would crush... And he’s probably also... big,” Fluttershy mumbled, drooping her ears and blushing a deep red.

Everypony in the room just opened their mouths and stared, unable to reply or comprehend that their shy pegasus friend could even have a train of thought like that.

Twilight coughed, trying to clear the air. “Well, everypony is here but Rainbow Dash. Was she supposed to be arriving late?”

“Oh oh oh, I know!” Pinkie excitedly raised her hoof before slamming it on the table and appearing to hit an invisible buzzer. “I’ll take ‘Being Steamy with Spitfire’ for seven hundred!”

“I, er... what!? Ugh Pinkie. Firstly, this isn’t Jeapony with Coltbek, and secondly I’m trying to get us OFF that subject matter,” said Twilight.

“Well you must admit, they do make a wonderful couple, fillyfoolery and all. Plus, they ARE rather romantic, almost to the level as some of my mare romance novels,” Rarity offered.

“Although Ah do wish she had come out and told us sooner. It’s not like we woulda minded if her barn door swung that way,” Applejack said as her brow furrowed.

Twilight opened her mouth to speak about how silly Applejack’s suggestion was that Rainbow would hide it from the group. She closed it again, as she remembered the report on her desk and understood why Rainbow might have been reluctant to out herself.

“I’m sure she had her reasons, girls,” Fluttershy said with a soft smile. “And I’m also sure she’s just running late. Maybe she took a nice nap somewhere.”

Right as Fluttershy finished, another yellow Pegasus eased open the booth door. Where Fluttershy was butter yellow, this pony was fire and heat, her colours those of autumn leaves and bonfires. Leaning on her was a very disheveled-looking Rainbow Dash.

“Hi, girls. She really wanted to come alone, but she needed me for support. I know it’s normally just you six, but she needs me here for support,” said Spitfire, her voice quivering.

All five ponies could do nothing but stare until, once again, Rarity broke the silence.

 “Great heavens, it’s fine, Spitfire, but what is wrong with her? Her mane looks positively frightful and, my word, her eyes are... has she been crying?” said Rarity with an edge of concern.

Twilight was mentally reeling. She knew that given her Pegasus friend’s psyche -with her gung-ho attitude - it would take a huge upheaval or internal conflict for Rainbow Dash to get slammed down emotionally. She also knew that when an ego like Rainbow’s was struck too hard, it shattered brutally. Twilight almost didn’t even want to know what the cause was. However she was concerned, if not more so than Rarity. Swallowing hard, she quietly said, “Rainbow, what’s...what’s wrong?”

The blue Pegasus looked up at her through misty purple eyes. Twilight moved back in her seat, feeling as if she were seeing a wounded kitten left on the side of the road.

Rainbow began to speak, her eyes further filling with pools, the tears welling up and almost spilling over. “W-W-Well you see Twilight, it’s... absolutely... atrocious... and.. and... Prince Blueblood, he Said I was an abomination and an insult to society because... I’m AN UNNATURAL FILLY FOOLER... ” she choked out the last line, stomping a hoof as the pools spilled over, running down her eyelids and tracing their salty paths down the side of her face. She quickly made an attempt to hide herself behind the golden locks of her marefriend and teammate.

“Umm... ” Twilight tried to speak before her thoughts fully collected. She didn’t understand it. This should be nothing for a mare like Rainbow Dash. This was not a big upheaval that should cause her gung-ho friend to be slammed down.

“Okay, so, one pony makes some remark about you being a fillyfooler, and a rather arrogant pony at that,” Twilight said, catching a glimpse of an approving nod from Rarity before finishing, “And you are suddenly sent into a tizzy about it! This seems so unlike you, Dash. where’s that strong attitude we know you for?”

Rainbow Dash looked up and opened her mouth, but before a word was spoken she buried herself into Spitfire’s mane. Spitfire draped a forehoof over her cyan marefriend, “You see Twilight, Prince Blueblood holds sway in the aristocratic circles. A lot of our event attendance, especially those events in Canterlot, comes directly from wealthy families. The aristocratic circles of Equestria also hold strong power in terms of swaying public opinion.  Prince Blueblood has threatened not only to make our lives miserable, but to go out of his way to destroy the Wonderbolts’ reputation as a whole.” Spitfire spat, pausing to soothingly run her hooves through the rainbow mane of her lover, before finishing. “With Soarin being a colt-cuddler, and my sister having finally personally come out as a filly-fooler herself, most of the team is...yeah. I guess this has irked Prince Blueblood for Celestia-knows-what reason for a while now, and Rainbow and I coming out publicly was apparently the ‘last straw’ for him. Rainbow feels it’s her fault entirely -and it’s not- for all of this.”

Spitfire’s explanation, compounded with the sight of Rainbow Dash now openly crying without reservation, unleashed a flurry of thoughts in Twilight’s mind. It was taking all the willpower she could muster to not have her mane explode in the same fiery colours as Spitfire’s. The anger seethed and boiled at the injustice of it all.

Luna must have had the omnipotent foresight to know this would happen, and Twilight was glad Luna let it play out like this. For she now understood: no longer were her duties at work something simply related to her job. It had become personal. A line had been crossed and Twilight was more than happy to meet it head-on, for the sake of her friends.

____ To be continued_____

Chapter 2 >

 Special Thanks and Editors notes:

        Thanks to MisakiPony for editing help and morale support.

        Big thanks to Eights and Secret_Agent_Man for a final shakedown.

This has been a long time in the works, I’d like to thank #EquestrianStudy #brony and #bronymusic and #bronyradio for their help in getting the first chapter out. Particularily Omegapony11, Foolonthehillz, Nightbreak(O-town bronies represent!), and Autumn Wind for amazing editing/formatting and more help than I ever would have expected from strangers I’ve never met(With the exception of Nightbreak, I’ve met you, you crazy goalhorn).

Vanner, for his wonderful pre-reading work ℅ ponychans training grounds.

Ekevoo and Mittenfingers for giving me a better beginning hook.

Tenure, Tenaris, Strobe, Retsamoreh, nashy and maverickvox for the help finishing off this chapter conclusion ^^ And thanks to anyone I’ve missed or who stopped in and commenting while remaining anonymous!

Finally thanks to you, the reader, for reading this fic! I hope you’ve enjoyed it so far and I look forward to providing your literary enjoyment for many chapters to come.

Ponitics

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fan Fiction by MidouSan

Case 1: Chapter 2 Ministry of Friendship: Continued Breaking

<Chapter 1

Twilight’s ears flicked as she stared at everypony gathered around Rainbow Dash, listening to their attempts at cheering her friend up. Rainbow’s face was no longer buried in Spitfire’s mane. Instead, she was slumped in her carved mahogany chair, her eyes still misty. Twilight bit her lip, too aggravated to speak due to her inability to comfort her friend, and, due to general shock from Blueblood’s threats.

“Pardon my unladylike wording, but I believe the pompous ass isn’t worth one twist of your snout. I turned down his awful and un-gentlecoltlike courtship. Now, sadly, years later, he’s attacked you, one of my closest friends... It shows further what a disgust he still is!” Rarity said, putting a reassuring hoof on Rainbow’s shoulder. “My dear, it’s not your fault, it’s all Blueblood’s doing. None of us really care that you are a Filly Fooler. I honestly can’t even fathom why you didn’t tell us sooner. I don’t see why anypony would dislike you. Since Filly Foolers are famed for their exquisite allure,” she concluded, a bluish glow from her horn cueing her glass of pinot noir  to magically levitate to her lips for a regal sip.

Spitfire stared incredulously at Rarity. “Miss Rarity, you DO realize that doesn’t really he-” she attempted to speak before being shoved aside by a pink blur that had begun to sing boisterously.

“Ohhh you’re a big old  Filly Fooler, Dash,

why be so silly,

like some oblivious little filly? 

Don’t you realize being a Filly Fooler is a bash!?” Pinkie Pie leaned away and took a deep breath, flashing a big smile.

“Ahem.” Applejack cleared her throat as she stared at Pinkie. “Ah’m pretty sure Ah heard Apple Bloom speaking of both Filly Foolers and colt cuddlers organizing at her campus. She didn’t seem too think much of it. Said ta me that ’s just their way of life that they’re born with. If a young mare like Apple Bloom can be accepting of Filly Foolers, Ah say you don’t worry about hoity toity aristowhatevers with their outdated attitudes like Prince Blueblood.”

“Well, umm, Rainbow. You know, some of the animals I take care of get involved in same-gender--umm--stuff, and the other animals don’t care. Nor do I for that matter. It’s just how they are,” Fluttershy said, causing everypony in the booth to stop and make everything quiet so they could listen to the soft spoken pony.

Rainbow nodded at Fluttershy, giving a weak smile while wiping her face with a hoof. “I guess you girls are right. I just can’t stand the thought of the Wonderbolts being broken up simply because I came out of the stable,” she sniffled. “It’s bad enough that it’s in the press that two teammates are dating, but to be Filly Foolers as well...”

“How many times will we have to say it’s not your fault, honey,” Spitfire said, softly pulling Rainbow in for a tender hug.

All the mares around the table echoed a chorus of agreement, except Twilight. She shook her head and stood up, “I’m sorry girls, I’m not feeling well at the moment, I’m going to take a leave of absence. Farewell for now,” she said, giving Rainbow Dash a quick hug as she departed.

~~~

Twilight’s coat bristled as she cantered off from the bar, the cool night air nipping at her.

“Umm, Twilight?” Fluttershy floated alongside having caught up to her friend, her wings casting flickering shadows over Twilight as they blocked light from the bar’s neon sign.

“Fluttershy, why did you follow me?” Twilight cocked her head towards the pegasus in curiosity, “I’m not feeling well. You don’t want to catch what I have, do you?”

“Because well, I couldn’t help but feel worried that something was troubling you,” Fluttershy said, as she landed gracefully before trotting closely beside Twilight.

“Fiiine,” Twilight let out a sigh. “You’re right, Fluttershy, as always. Why are you so good with emotions!? I’m angry and frustrated! I want to have Blueblood kicked off every academic, artistic, and aristocratic society he’s a part of. I have contacts in those circles, especially the academicians. I’d love to see him ashamed and disgraced like some common pauper from public outcry. It’s only fitting for what his done to Dash.”

“Oh...my,” Fluttershy gasped.

“Not like I really would go that far, mind you!” Twilight tried weakly to smile.

“I think I understand... Twilight. Rainbow’s... really deeply hurt… and her reputation… I think her reputation is the most important thing for her. It feels bad, watching someone so normally full of vigor being mopey,” Fluttershy spoke, fighting back tears as she continued. “I think that’s why you feel this way. What… what can we do… it’s just not fair!”

Twilight turned to Fluttershy, and opened her mouth to speak, but instead furrowed her brow. Her mind was swimming with thoughts and plans as she thumped her hoof into the ground with each step, uncaring and unaware of anypony who might be watching her antics. Her horn flared up, and in an instant she disappeared.

“Ah!? Twilight! Where did you go?” Fluttershy squeaked, going airborne and zipping around the spot where Twilight had just been.

~~~~

Snips could only watch outside as his boss stormed down the street.

“Wow she looks ticked, I hope she’s not gonna be that bad on Monday,” he spoke aloud to himself, before looking around to see if anyone had a reply. He was suddenly glad the restaurant was so loud that nobody heard him. Apple Bloom was commanding everyone’s attention with animated tales of her distillery knowledge, and how the first drop of hard cider on her tongue in college finally landed the cutie mark on her flank.

With all the talk about cutie marks, Snips had his eyes on Twist’s crisscrossed peppermint sticks, curious as to how she had exactly gotten hers.

Twist sensed lingering eyes on her rear, and upon noticing Snips as the culprit, she quickly craned her neck to look at him, her cheeks slightly flushed. “Sthnips, why are you staring at my flank?” she asked as the other fillies at the table stifled giggles.

Snips snapped from his trance. “Oh, I was just wondering how you got your cutie mark. I mean, it’s pretty obvious with your passion, but i’m curious of the story behind it.”

“Oh, it’s a good story, but nowhere near as cool as how I got my checkered flag cutie mark,” Scootaloo interjected.

“Oh, when you’re done how about I tell you the story about microphone and heart cutie mark,” Sweetie Belle said in a sing-song voice.

“Well Ah ain’t finished telling y’all about mah cutie mark,” Apple Bloom slammed her drink down on the table, the contents slightly spilling out, “Ah got it so late they thought Ah’d never get it!”

Twist, Snips, and Snails all began laughing; their collective thoughts being vocalized by Twist. “How prethious, all the Cutie Mark Crusaders are so passionate abouth their cutie marks,” she said, playfully sticking her tongue out at that trio, tipsiness apparent in her voice.

The trio of Cutie Mark Crusaders looked at each other and began to laugh, joining the chorus of laughs. “Oh we’re sorry Twist. Go ahead, tell the boys, we’ll go grab some more sarsaparilla cause we’ve heard your story too many times already,” Sweetie Belle said as the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders trio got up from the table. They shot furtive glances back as they walked away, giggling amongst themselves.

“Well as the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders know, it all occured after I went home one day and wath helping my mom make thweets,” Twist spoke,  “I had begun to twist and turn the thweets in the mixer. My mom got called to the front to help our customers. As I was curling and enthuring the thweets were the right temperature, I heard my mom thpeak to the customers, a couple as far as I could tell. All I heard about my mother was how happy they would be with their thweets. I then heard my mother laugh and following that, the customers laughter. I laughed myself, and before I knew it I looked at my flank and saw the two peppermint twist candies entwined.”

“Ooooh,” Snails vocalized, “What does it mean?”

“I still haven’t figured out EXACTLY what it means other than that I know I’m good at making thweets. I still do occasionally make thweets on the side, but now with the new job it theems like I do it leths,” Twist sighed as she laid her head down sideways on the table. “What about you Thnips?”

“Well, it all happened really early for me. My father was working on a newspaper article back when I lived in Canterlot and was having some difficulty with it. I asked him if I could look at it. He begrudingly agreed,” Snips said, stopping to take a sip of his sarsaparilla. “I noticed some structure issues here and there, and pointed them out to my father. Suddenly I felt a tingling sensation and I had a pair of scissors on my flank. It’s apparently to signify my ability to edit, like a film editor’s scissors cutting film strips.”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders returned with a round of wheat-mixed sarsaparilla, colloquially referred to as Weiss Sarsparilla. Upon their arrival, Snails whispered to Snips. The pair stood up, nodding to themselves as they cantered off.

“Where in tarnation they going? We brought enough sarsaparilla for all of y’all,” Apple Bloom said with a puzzled expression as she put down the five bottles.

“I’m not exactly thure, I think they might be going to the wathroom,” Twist replied.

“Hee hee, best friends turning into colt cuddlers,” Sweetie Belle giggled.

“Ah’m pretty sure neither of their barn doors swing that way, Sweetie,” Apple Bloom said, matter of factly.

“Yesh, Thweetie Belle, you need to sthop reading your thsis’s trashy novels, Thnips is NOT that type of pony,” Twist added.

“Oh you fillies are SILLY,” Sweetie Belle waved her hoof dismissively before continuing, “I was obviously kidding. Regardless of why the boys are gone, its good, because... have you fillies read the latest issue of Fillypolitain, in it I heard…”

~~~

“Snails, why did you need me for the washroom? I am not aiming for you. I don’t swing that way,” Snips said.

“Ewwww no, I just needed to speak with you away from the fillies. How about you and Twist, you were totally checking out her flank eh? I can’t believe the fillies fell for that cover about the cutie mark,” Snails said slowly. “So you got a crush on that filly, a steamy office romance entwining colt and filly?”

“Meh,” Snips simply shrugged.

“Meh?! That’s all you have to say.. meh.” Snails said sharply.

~~~

“Oh my goodness, Apple Bloom! That position wouldn’t work at all. Could you imagine...”

“Ahem!” Snips cleared his throat, stopping Scootaloo midsentence.

“W-Welcome back you two,” Scootaloo said, her eyes darting around the room.

“So, do I even want to know what you fillies were talking about?” Snails said, drawing out the last word sarcastically.

“Um, probably not,” Twist replied meekly.

Suddenly, and much to the relief of the fillies, the lights in the bar went dim and the stage lights flickered on, illuminating a section of the bar that had been vacated of chairs and tables.

“To our esteemed patrons, today, we present to you a special guest! One who is sure to liven up our dancefloor: DJ P0n-3 of Manehatten!” came an announcement over the PA system. As the announcer finished, the stage lights flicked on, along with gobos and lasers gryating randomly. Just moments later, thumping bass began to fill the bar.

“Come on everypony, let’s dance!” Twist spoke, grabbing hold of Snips and Scootaloo while the others got up of their own accord, excited by the thumps of the subwoofers that shook the floor.

“Wait..what?! This is a dance club...” said Snips. “I can’t dance!”

“As always you’re just too thilly Thnips! Nopony cares! Just move to the beat,” Twist smiled at him as Snails berated Snips.

“Really... and they call me slow eh? You didn’t even realize this was a dance bar?”

~~~

Twilight re-materialized outside an immaculately kept white mansion. She walked up to a window and peered through the pristine glass. She watched him, the prince of ponies, sitting there, surrounded by his expensive coats and gold lamps. She flared up her horn and gripped the window with a magical tendril, Okay, so I’ll just go in there, and debate with him until he realizes how wrong hese been. A simple task for the three time debate club champion... wait is he with others?

She shook her head, “Hmph. Maybe direct confrontation isn’t the answer, Id be stooping to his level. A nice petition or letter writing campaign to my academic friends and professors who are close to Blueblood, thats what ill do," Twilight said to the night sky as she trotted away.

Thankfully, Twilight was unable to hear inside, for if she could, the night may have taken a different turn. Inside, the powder white unicorn adorned with a fancy compass rose cutie mark magicked a crystal glass to his lips.  He timidly sipped the delicately fermented grape juice inside, worth more than most ponies made in a year. He looked around at his trifecta of stallion companions, sitting eloquently on lavish red leather armchairs as he set his glass down and sighed. “This situation is more grave than I thought, chaps. Upon careful investigation, I have uncovered another disgusting insult to our society among the ranks of the Wonderbolts. It seems that Wildfire has inherited the same filthy genetic disposition as her elder sister Spitfire. The same disposition that will eventually wipe out all of stallionkind. I am of course speaking to the filthy act of Filly Foolery,” Prince Blueblood finished, spitting out the final two words as if the very parlance of them besmirching his lips was an insult to his vocal cords.

The corpulent pony with a Fu Manchu was first to reply, banging his hoof on the table, almost knocking the monocle off his eye. “I SAY, this is MOST disastrous. This brings the tally percentiles of the team that is choosing to mate with their own gender--a most disgusting habit--to three fourths of the team! We must act with haste, my fellow stallions, and destroy this team!”

“I concur with zee sound analysis of Colonel Ace," said the second stallion, red coated with a yellow star cutie mark. "Zee time for vaiting iz OVER!"

“I agree y’all. I reckon these insults to our long-standing Equestrian traditions have been allowed their free roam for far too long now.” came the final reply from a plain brown stallion.

“Then it's settled, chaps. We must act with haste, but the real question is--how are we to strike with ruinious intent on the team? And how are we to reshape it with players more suited to Equestrian traditions?" said Blueblood with a grin. “I believe I have already dealt a victorious blow against Rainbow Dash, causing her emotional folly with my verbal skills and silver tongued beatdown. I also issued quite the threat against her treasured Wonderbolts. Hopefully her and her precious Spitfire will resign from the team on their own accord.”

“Yez, that iz wonderful, however I think zee day will not be won by zimply berating zem. We hafto have anozer plan," spoke the red stallion.

Prince Blueblood just stared at him, smiling “And that, Sickle Hammer, is why I have created this plan,” he said, using his magic to levitate a large blue-hued scroll from behind his chair, before unrolling the blueprints on the table.

____ To be continued_____

Special Thanks and Editors notes:

Thanks #EquestrianStudy #brony #bronymusic #bronyradio, #equestrianmusicians for their continued support. Particularily Foolonthehillz, Blunosedreindeer, MisakiPony, Nightbreak, Eights, and Autumn Wind, Ponymarine, Ayin, Matt, Lazy, and LaptopGun, for amazing editing/formatting and more help than I ever would have expected.

Thanks to DJ MidgetBrony, Lithe, Keyframe, BillyColt, HappyThoughts, TiramisuTales,  Vargas, Scystorm and many others for believing in me and giving words of encouragement

Super special thanks to Leowulf of #bronyRadio for an epic 30min long speech on why I shouldn’t give up ficcing.

 Thanks to anyone I’ve missed or who stopped in and commenting while remaining anonymous!

and Finally thanks to you, the reader, for reading this fic! I hope you’ve enjoyed it so far and I look forward to providing your literary enjoyment for many chapters to come.