a fanfic by Dubs Rewatcher
disclaimer: I DON’T MAKE PONY. HASBRO MAKE PONY. I DON’T OWN PONY
“I call them ‘Floodgates!’ Here, try one!” Bon Bon pushed the small bowl over to Lyra. The turquoise unicorn eyed the multicolored orbs in the bowl with some suspicion. She had learned to be wary of Bon Bon’s “experiments” ever since that one time where she had mixed pepper with vanilla and lemon. Not wanted to disappoint her friend, Lyra grabbed one out of the bowl, examining it for a moment before throwing it into her mouth.
It was hard, like a gumball. However, unlike a gumball, the exterior was unusually sweet, tantalizing Lyra’s taste buds. Deciding that it was safe to bite down, Lyra soon found why they were called Floodgates. As soon as her teeth cracked the shell, a flood of super sweet liquid poured out, deluging Lyra's mouth in candied goodness. For once she didn't even care that it was rotting her teeth to the core. It was just that good. "Wow, Bon Bon! You've really outdone yourself this time!"
The cream colored mare blushed in response. "Why, thank you, Lyra! It is my special talent, you know.” She popped one of the candies into her mouth. “And it just makes me so happy to hear you say that. I’m so lucky to have a taste-tester like you!” Her shower of praise was interrupted by a large crash from the back of the shop.
“Uh...Mith Bon Bon? Can you come back here?” A young filly’s voice rang out. “I think thomthing dropped.” Bon Bon sighed, and got up from the table.
“Excuse me, Lyra. I’ll be right back.”
“Oh, no problem! I’ll be fine right here.” As Bon Bon left the room, Lyra slouched in her chair, and glanced around the shop. The shelves were lined with jars of all sizes and shapes, each holding a different sweet. She saw N&Ns, Jawbreakers, and her personal favorite, Rainbow Bits. But she would never tell that to Bon Bon; Rainbow Bits were the one thing in the store she didn’t make completely by herself. Well, that and the cinnamon twists, but they didn’t count as candy. Or maybe they did? Is cinnamon candy? Maybe just sweets...
Lyra was so focused on her thoughts that she didn’t notice Bon Bon walk back in, a tired look on her face. “Uh, Lyra?” She asked. It took a moment, but Lyra shook herself out of her thoughts and looked back to her friend. “It seems there’s been a... problem with the taffy machine,” Bon Bon said. “so, I’m afraid I’ll have to cut our session short today. Sorry.”
“I understand completely. Do I want to know what happened?” She asked, trying to glance over Bon Bon’s shoulder at the back room. “Anything I should worry about?”
“No no, nothing to see.” She noticed Lyra glance at the half-eaten bowl of candy. Chuckling, she said “Yes, you can take them. I can make loads more.” The green unicorn nodded happily, taking hold of the bowl with her teeth. “Have a good day!”
“Ymuu tff!” Lyra responded through the bowl in her mouth. She walked out the door, leaving Bon Bon alone in the front room.
She started talking to herself, as she she sometimes did without noticing. “She liked them! She actually liked them! Now, I need to make more. It’s just candy, it’s not that hard to invent new kinds!” Suddenly, a horrible grinding noise erupted from the back room.
“Mith Bon Bon? It didn’t work.” The store owner sighed. This would have to come first.
“Ymuu tff!” Lyra responded through the bowl in her mouth. She walked out the door, leaving Bon Bon alone in the front room. When she reached the end of the street, she glanced back to where she had come. While the shop was small, a giant sign graced the roof, reading:
OPEN MONDAY THRU FRIDAY
Lyra smiled, careful not to drop the bowl in her teeth. She remembered the day her friend got that shop, having bought it from an old pony a few years ago. When she started, it was very small, but soon she was rivaling Sugarcube Corner in sales of sweets. For years, it had been a one mare show(with the exception of some help from Lyra), but once Bon Bon had heard that Twist had gotten a candy-related cutie mark, she took the filly on as an apprentice of sorts.
Walking through the streets, Lyra took time to notice what a beautiful day it was. The beauty was amplified further once she reached her cottage, a little ways out of town. You have to understand, she loved Ponyville, but the ponies there could be a bit strange at times. She had learned to deal with it, having been around for a while. But, one fateful night, she lost it.
It was pitch black out, and Lyra was trying to relax after a stressful day. Her concert had been rained out, a date stood her up, and it had taken her at least an hour just to find where she put her keys once she returned home(they were around her horn). She was just sitting in her living room, strumming on her lyre, glad to be alone, when came a knock on the door. She was confused; it was close to midnight, who could be coming to see her now? She opened up the door, only to get a face full of blue uniform as a Ponyville Police Officer stepped in. “PPD here, we got a noise complaint?” Lyra was flabbergasted. Her? A noise complaint? She had been barely making any sound! And even if she was, lyres were supposed to calm ponies down. In reality, she was actually helping her neighbors go to sleep. That was the final straw. Two days later, she bought her new cottage and moved out.
She pushed open her door, letting the afternoon light stream into her home. She walked into the living room, placed the bowl of candy on a nightstand, and sat down in her chair. Grabbing her lyre from the stand beside the chair, she began to play.
A high-pitched whirr came from the taffy machine, letting Bon Bon know that it was starting up. It had taken Twist and her all day to clean the machine, and it was nightfall before Bon Bon had actually gotten the godforsaken thing to turn on. Satisfied with her work, the mare walked back to her room, all sorts of papers strewn about. She cantered to her desk, and sat down. Pushing aside some bills, a sales report, and a rather crumpled document entitled “Galloping Toward Love,” Bon Bon focused on the task at hand: creating a new candy. She needed something that would not only sell well, but impress Lyra. So far, she had:
Chocolate mixed with cream mixed with horseradish
Chocolate mixed with peanut butter no, that’s stupid
It wasn’t going well. Bon Bon had managed to deceive herself into thinking that making an entirely new kind of candy would be easy, and she had managed to keep the illusion up for quite a long time, but it was starting to fade. Candy was just such a well-researched field! It was just a fluke that she had managed to think up Floodgates so easily. It seemed that every time she had an idea, she would remember that it had already been invented, or that it was terrible.
She glanced around the room, looking for something, anything that would give her inspiration. Nothing came to her. She glanced at her flank, adorned with three pieces of wrapped candy. “Maybe I’m just not cut out for the candy business...” She thought, her head drooping.
She remembered when she got her cutie mark. She had just made her first gumball. She remembered picking the special blue and yellow wrapping, thinking it was so pretty. She had just finished twisting the end when she felt a soft tingle on her flank, the cutie mark emblazoning itself upon her flank. The wrapping was exactly the same...
Bon Bon’s head shot up, a new idea forcing itself into her head. It was exciting. It was new. And most importantly, it was good. She began to write. She had some work to do.
Lyra pushed the shop’s door open. There was a mare and a filly at the counter, no doubt a mother and child. Twist was happily conversing with them about the different types of candy available, gesturing to the shelves behind her. When she saw Lyra, the red-maned filly called over to her, “Oh, Mith Lyra! Mith Bon Bon ith in the back, if you want her.” Thanking Twist, Lyra passed through the double doors that separated the store from the yellow-walled work area, calling her friend’s name as she went.
“Bon Bon, I’m...here?” Bon Bon was asleep at a small table in the corner, her mane disheveled and her eyes baggy. Walking over to the tired mare, Lyra gave her a firm shake.
“NO WONKA NO!” Bon Bon screamed, leaping from her chair. She tumbled to the floor. Lyra helped her friend up, giving her a quizzical expression.
“Uh, Bon Bon...are you okay? You don’t look so good.”
Bon Bon rubbed her eyes and shook her head. “I’m fine, don’t worry. It was a long night. Anyway, how have you been? It’s been so long!”
“Uh, Bon Bon? It’s only been a day. I got your letter this morning.”
“Oh, what does it matter? A day, five days, who cares?” She gave a slight laugh. Lyra backed up a little. “Anyway, I made a new candy! Try some!” Bon Bon picked up the bowl and thrust it toward Lyra.
For some reason, Bon Bon had forgotten to unwrap the candies before serving them. Lyra could understand this. Bon Bon was a hardworking mare, she was bound to forget something every once in a while. Lyra picked one up, and started to unwrap it.
Before she could open it, Bon Bon had hit it out of her hooves. “No!” Lyra recoiled. What had just happened? Bon Bon shook her head once more. “Oh, I’m sorry Lyra, really... I should have shown you how to eat these things first!” Bon Bon grabbed one out of the bowl and, not caring to unwrap the treat, threw it into her mouth.
“Bon Bon! You’ll choke!” The cream-colored mare shook her head.
“No I won’t! See?” She stuck her tongue out at Lyra, showing her friend the candy. There was the shell and liquid reminiscent of a Floodgate, but there was something else too...gum? “Edible wrappers!”
Lyra giggled. “Yeah, that is pretty cool! But...” She looked at the candy that had formerly been in her hoof, now on the floor. Despite the cleanliness of Bon Bon’s shop, the entire candy was now covered in dirt. Lyra, not wanting to touch it, attempted to pick it using telekinesis.
Lyra didn’t use magic much. Unlike most unicorns, she preferred to do things by hoof. As such, her telekinesis spell wasn’t the greatest. Even so, it should have been easy to pick up the candy. But no matter how much she pulled, it wouldn't come off the floor. The force of impact combined with the natural stickiness of the treat had merged it to the tiling, creating a large blue-yellow blob. “Uh... Bon Bon?”
In the time that Lyra had taken attempting to lift the candy, Bon Bon had decided to rest her eyes a bit. Unfortunately, that had developed into resting her neck. That had led to resting her body. Eventually, she ended up sprawled on the floor, snoring lightly. “Bon Bon?” Lyra asked again. Noticing the cream colored mare lying on the floor, she yelled “BON BON!”
“FIGS!” Bon Bon yelled, jumping to her hooves. Slowly opening up her mouth, a yawn so powerful Lyra could swear she felt herself being pushed away emerging. “Oh, Lyra, I must have dozed off. It was a long night. Anyway, how have you been? When did you get here?”
“I’ve been here for at least five minutes already!” Lyra cried out, her turquoise face reddening for a moment. She took a calming breath, and continued. “Bon Bon, are you sure nothing is wrong? You seem extremely tired.” Bon Bon yawned again.
“No, really, I’m fine!”
Lyra hesitated for a moment, thinking hard. Bon Bon and her were best friends; they were always honest with each other! “Well, would you like some critique on your candy?”
Bon Bon’s baggy eyes lit up. “Oh, of course! What did you think?”
“Well, I hate to say it, but I couldn’t have any! The one you gave me was so sticky, that it just stuck to the floor like glue!” Bon Bon’s face darkened slightly. “Oh, I mean, I’m sure they’re great! It’s just, you might want to tone down the stickiness just a little bit?”
Bon Bon frowned for a moment, before returning to her chipper, albeit tired, expression. “Right! I’ll be sure to do that. Now, is there anything else you need?”
“Uh...you invited me over here.” Bon Bon looked surprised, and was about to respond, but Lyra held up a hood to stop her. “But, I can see you’re tired. Get some sleep. I’ll see you later?” Bon Bon stared for a moment before nodding slowly.
“I’ll...be sure to do that, thanks.” She walked Lyra to the door, waving goodbye as the Unicorn left. Turning back, she saw Twist at the counter. “Twist...*yawn* you can leave, if you want. I think I’m closing early today.”
“Okay, Mith Bon Bon!”
Bon Bon trotted into the backroom, walking toward her bedroom. Entering, she walked to the bed, only to pass right by it. Instead, she walked to her desk and sat down. She picked up a pen, and quickly drew a line through “Edible Candy Wrappers.”
What now? Last time, she had gotten an idea by looking around. Deciding to attempt this again, the mare slowly rotated her head around the room, looking for anything that might inspire her. As she had expected, nothing came to her. She yawned. Maybe if she just rested her eyes a bit. Her eyelids slid together. Images of candy lazily floated around her head, slowly fading to black...
SMASH CRICKKK GRRRRRR
Bon Bon’s head shot up, a terrible sound throwing her out of the stupor she had fallen into. She rushed out of the room, quickly identifying the source of the noise: the taffy machine. Something had fallen into the mechanics, jamming the entire machine. She dared a look into the machine. Inside, pieces thrown about, were the remnants of what had been a very nice vase. “Aww... I got that for my birthday!” Unplugging the power cord from the wall, Bon Bon proceeded to pick the pieces out carefully. She was reaching for a particularly stuck piece when she leaned too far, and feel into the steel basin. She silently thanked Celestia that the machine wasn’t on. Turning back to the piece, she pulled it out with ease, only to see the petals of a vibrant red flower.
It was at that moment that a new idea hit her. Rushing back to her desk, she flipped to a new page and began to write.
“‘The Exotic Equestria?’ Yeah, I think we have it somewhere...” Twilight Sparkle scratched her chin. “SPIIIKE! Can you get up here?”
A small dragon, whom Bon Bon assumed was Spike, appeared, running from a small staircase that appeared to lead into a basement. "I just finished polishing your lab equipment, Twilight! What do you need?"
"Can you get Bon Bon a copy of The Exotic Equestria? It should be over by-" But before Twilight could finish her sentence, Spike had already left and returned, a large blue book held in front of him. "Thank you." She levitated the book over to the counter.
"Ok, how much do I owe you?" Bon Bon asked, eyeing the large book.
"Oh, it's no charge. This is a library, after all!" She pointed to a small sticker on the book, which designated that the book was property of the Ponyville Public Library. "Just sign here..." She slid a paper over to Bon Bon.
Taking the pen in her mouth, Bon Bon leaned forward, ready to write... but, suddenly, she froze. The paper was multiplying and returning to normal form quickly. "Uh... which do I sign?"
Twilight must have misunderstood the question, for she responded "Oh, right here." She pointed her hoof to a blank line. Bon Bon furiously rubbed her eyes, trying hard to see just which of Twilight's hooves was real. Eventually, the forms blended into solid matter, and Bon Bon gave a quick, unusually messy signature.
"Thank you!" She said cheerfully, picking up the bag Twilight gave her. Turning to the door, Bon Bon started to whistle(badly) as she cantered out.
She stopped about halfway through the doorway. She looked back to the door. “Now that I think about it... Do you have any books on Taffy Machines?”
Lyra was dreaming. Her mind was filled with vibrant images of music come alive. Lyres strummed soft, angelic chords... At least, they were. Slowly, the chords started to change.
Dim dumm... lim lyummm... lyyyra....LYRA!
Lyra’s turquoise eyes shot open and she flailed her legs wildly, to no avail. Edging to the side of the bed, her flailing eventually caused her to fall out, mind still racing. She looked up, not completely ready for what she saw: staring down at her, blood vessels crossing her eyes, was Bon Bon. “BON BON! W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!”
“Oh, I was just in the neighborhood, and I thought *achoo* of a great idea, so I went to Twilight and got these books, and they’re really good books, but you know I haven’t taken anything out of the library in a long time, so she had to show me where to sign, I was embarrassed but not really, then I *achoo* was walking home, and I passed by Sugarcube Corner and I smelled a WONDERFUL smell from inside, and before you know it I’ve had five cups of coffee! Really, why didn’t *achoo* anypony tell me how good that stuff is? So, I stayed up all night, working on a new *achoo* candy, and I was already up, so I came over here!” Bon Bon looked around. “Nice place you got here!”
Lyra scratched her head and looked at the clock beside her bed. It read “4:14 AM.”
“Bon Bon, did you really come all the way out to my house in the middle of the night, just to give me candy?” Bon Bon thought about it for a moment.
“And why do you keep sneezing?” Bon Bon considered the question.
“I don’t know!”
Lyra sighed. There wasn’t going to be any reasoning with her, not in this state. “Okay. Where’s the candy?”
Bon Bon reached into her saddle bag, pulling out a small plastic bag, filled to the brim with small polka-dotted orbs. “I call them...well, I don’t have a name yet. Maybe *achoo* you can make one!” Lyra, glad they had been kept in a sealed container, put one into her mouth, noting that it wasn’t anywhere near as sticky as the wrappers were last time. “And, just to make this extra special, I didn’t have any! You’re the first one to ever try one! Isn’t that great?”
Lyra froze. Bon Bon didn’t test these? That wasn’t a good sign. However, the candy had already been broken, and was currently covering the inside of Lyra’s mouth. It tasted strange, like nothing she had ever tasted before. Bon Bon went into her bags again, this time taking out a blue, strangely familiar book. Lyra could have sworn she had seen it somewhere before, but where?
“I got the idea by myself, but this book helped me out so much! It had so much *achoo* info, like where to find the plant, what it looked like, everything! I can’t believe more people haven’t checked it out! Or maybe they have. Maybe I was lucky. Isn’t that great, Lyra? I’M LUCKY! *achoo*” But Lyra had stopped listening at the word “plant.” Now she recognized the book. It was “The Exotic Equestria.” It was most commonly used as the main textbook in Mrs. Uproot’s herbology class at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Despite the fact that Lyra had gotten straight D’s in her class, there was one thing she clearly remembered about the textbook: the plants in it were never normal.
The unicorn rushed over to the tome, suppressing a severe mental breakdown. “What if Bon Bon poisoned me?! No, she would never do that. The plant she used was probably something simple, nothing to worry about...” She turned to the bookmarked page. Her skin ran pale. Her heart started to beat faster. “Ohnoohnohnohnoohno.” She placed her hoof upon her head, rubbing her head to stop the massive headache that had just made itself known. When she put it back down, something else came with it: a clump of light cyan hair. “Bon Bon. You didn’t.”
“Didn’t what? What did I do? Was it bad? It couldn’t have been bad, it was candy, and *achoo* candy is never bad, you know that!”
A few more strands of Lyra’s hair fell to the floor. “You really don’t know what you put it that thing?” Bon Bon shook her head. “*sigh*. Look.” The balding mare held the book up to Bon Bon’s face.
POISON JOKE (Venenum Iocus)
The plant is often found in low-light areas, such as the Everfree Forest
Venemus Iocus, more commonly known as Poison Joke, is a rare, low-grade(see page 3) plant, from the Anacardiaceae family. It sports light blue leaves, and, in most cases, has an average height of 1-2 feet. It is typically found in low-light areas. Within these low visibility locations, it is able to camouflage itself among the dark colors, making it a prime threat to unwary travelers. However, due to its relatively benign effects, easy treatment, and obscure location, it is not usually considered a very dangerous plant. Nevertheless, students should take extra care not to come into contact with Poison Joke.
“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” Bon Bon said, putting the book down. “No wonder I can’t stop sneezing! *achoo* I just wanted to mix candy with flowers, and these looked so pretty!”
Lyra was over at her vanity table, watching strands of hair slowly fall off of her scalp. “YEAH. NO WONDER. Now, quickly, what’s the cure?!”
“Let’s see...cure...cure...*achoo*...oh, here we are, ‘Cure!’ Uh...oh, it’s a bubblebath! Cool! I love bubblebaths. Don’t you, Lyra?” Bon Bon bounced up to her friend. “Huh? Huh? Huh? Huuuhhh?” Her eyes drooped. As quickly as she had bounced forward, Bon Bon had fallen to the ground, unconcious. Evidently, she was experiencing a caffeine crash for the first time in her life. Lyra could hear a small snore come from the cream-colored lump on the floor.
“Bon Bon...” The unicorn stamped a hoof on the floor in frustration. The resulting vibration carried up her legs, into her torso, and up to her head, causing the remainder of her hair to fall out.
“WHAT THE HAY!”
Lyra could ignore the snickering. She could ignore the mares scolding their foals, saying “Don’t point, it’s rude.” She could even ignore the sideways glances those who were walking beside her were giving. But, what she couldn’t ignore, was how itchy the wig was. “Did Rarity really have to give me the most extravagant wig she had?” She wasn’t exaggerating. For some unknown reason, the fashionista had chosen to give Lyra a bright pink, frilly, and noticeably artificial wig to replace her missing hair, much to Lyra’s aggravation. There was another pony she was angry at: herself. Why? Because, once again, she had agreed to taste test a candy.
Most ponies would have called her a chump; she knew that. But she couldn’t just abandon Bon Bon. They had been friends for years, and it wasn’t like Bon Bon had done what she did maliciously. In fact, she had even offered to pay for both their bills at the spa(with no protest coming from Lyra). They were the best of friends, and nothing would, or could, ever, ever change that.
The door to Bon Bon’s jingled as Lyra stepped inside. The large number of fillies, colts, and parents in the room made Lyra realize just what day it was: the last day of school! No wonder it was so crowded. Parents always liked to get their children little rewards for finishing the year, especially if they had gotten good grades. Walking through, ignoring the amused giggles of foals laughing at her wig, Lyra could understand what her friend meant when she said it was the busiest day of the year.
Bon Bon was working at the register alone, no doubt overwhelmed by the sheer amount of customers trying to get their candy. Lyra hesitated. Was it really right to distract her from her job? Maybe she should come back later.
“LYRA!” Bon Bon yelled from behind the counter. “Wait up!” Digging through the space under the counter, Bon Bon proceeded to pull out and place a large sign that read: “BE BACK IN FIVE MINUTES --- THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE!” A large groan came from the crowd, but if Bon Bon had heard it, she didn’t let it show. Instead, she motioned for Lyra to pass through the double doors that led into the backrooms. She quickly rushed in, trying and failing to cover her “hair.”
Once the doors had closed behind them, Bon Bon gave a sigh of relief. “Well, thanks for getting me out of that crowd. I mean, today is the mo- Oh my Celestia, what happened to your head?!” Bon Bon shrieked. Lyra responded with an irritated stare. “Oh, right.” She shuffled her hooves. “Look, Lyra...I’m sorry. You have every right to hate me forever.”
Lyra gave a musical giggle. “Hate you? Bon Bon, I could never hate you. You’re my best friend!” She touched her muzzle to Bon Bon’s. For a moment, it looked like Bon Bon was going to cry tears of joy. She stepped back.
“Well, that’s good, because I’ve got a present for you!” From behind her back, Bon Bon pulled out Lyra’s lyre. “I upgraded your lyre!”
Lyra’s headache started to return. “Bon Bon? Where did you get my lyre?” She stated as calmly as possible.
“Well, when I woke up at your house, I just felt so bad! So, I decided to make a few adjustments to your lyre! Look, I’ll show you-”
Lyra snorted. “No, Bon Bon! I don’t want to see! Give me back my instrument!” She grabbed at Bon Bon. But Bon Bon, expecting that Lyra wouldn’t see her genius right away, had seen the attack coming, and expertly dodged.
“Lyra, just listen to me! I’m telling you, this will increase your playing time by, like, 300%!” Lyra jumped at Bon Bon again, not caring about what she was claiming. Bon Bon dodged again, and pushed Lyra to the floor. “WOULD YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME?!”
Lyra picked herself up. She sighed, and looked to Bon Bon. “Fine. I trust you. Do what you wanted to do.”
Bon Bon turned the instrument over, revealing a small mechanism with a tube wrapped around it. “You see? You take the tube here, and put it in your mouf lak dis... then ya pwech dis buffin rff heya.” She pressed down a small button. For a moment, it seemed as if nothing would happen.
Then the lyre burst into flame.
“OH MY CELESTIA!” Lyra’s horn started to glow, and a large fire extinguisher appeared in front of her. Grabbing the hose in her teeth, she slammed down on the handle, causing a stream of lightly-colored carbon dioxide to erupt out of the dark appendage. The fire, now surrounded by the extinguishing chemical, let out a soft hisssss before dying down, leaving nothing but a badly charred lyre. There was silence as Lyra stood over her now ruined musical instrument.
Bon Bon, who’s heart was beating with the speed of a bullet train, made a cautious step forward. “...Lyra? Are you okay? I’m so sorry-”
“Sorry?” Lyra interrupted, still looking at the lyre. “Sorry?” Her head whipped up, and Lyra fixed a icy glare upon Bon Bon. “WHAT THE HAY DO YOU MEAN, SORRY?! Do you know what you just did?! I’ve had this lyre ever since I was a filly! I’m a musician! That thing is how I make my livelihood! And you...BURNED it!” Bon Bon recoiled. “All for some stupid candy! Well, you know what?” She lifted the lyre as carefully as she could with her magic. “I’m done. You can keep your candy.” She searched for another insult, one that would really hurt. “It wasn’t even any good!”
Bon Bon felt a sharp pain through her heart. Tears started to well up in her eyes. “Lyra...I-”
“SCREW YOU!” Lyra slammed the back room door behind her.
Bon Bon sat for a minute contemplating what had just happened. Lyra. Her friend. The one pony she cared about more than any other. Gone. She trotted slowly into her room, and lay down on the bed against the wall. The sounds from her shop faded in, but she didn’t care. “Maybe I really am a failure...” She started to sob, her head buried in a pillow.
Unbeknownst to her, Lyra slamming the door had knocked something off of a shelf, causing it to land in the great machine that had been causing Bon Bon trouble all week: the Taffy Machine. As it it, something clicked. Then, the grinding came.
Neither Bon Bon nor the ponies in her shop could hear it over clamor being made.
Lyra slammed the door to her cottage, shaking the walls. She was angry; to say the least. Furious would be a better word. “What is Bon Bon's problem? Why is she so obsessed with candy? Why is she so obsessed with making new stuff? Why is she so obsessed with...me?” Lyra thought for a moment.
“Was I too harsh?”
“What? No. You know what she did. You’ve had that lyre since you were a foal. It was your first instrument!”
“Yeah, but it’s just a lyre! It can be replaced! But Bon Bon...”
“Who cares? You have other friends! It’s been a while since you gave Vinyl a call, hasn’t it?”
“Yeah, I guess...” Lyra closed her eyes. At that moment, the image of what Bon Bon had looked like flashed in her mind. She looked so sad, so disappointed. Lyra shook her head. What had she been thinking? To hay with her mind!
“Bon Bon is my friend! I can’t just leave her like this!” She galloped out the door.
She had a friend to help.
“Where is that mare?”
“Mommy, when do I get my candy?”
“It has been much longer than ‘five minutes!’ And what is that terrible sound?!”
This was the scene that greeted Lyra upon returning to the candy shop. Out of all they days she could have picked to yell at Bon Bon, it had to be today, the busiest day of the year. Entering the crowd, she tried to make her way from the door to the counter, only to be pushed out onto her rear end. “WAIT YOUR TURN, LADY!” A buff unicorn stallion yelled, spinning around to look straight into Lyra’s eyes.
Lyra froze up. “OH MY CELESTIA HE’S BIG.” Lyra thought. She braced herself. When a few seconds had passed and she wasn’t yet a smoldering pile of ash, she inched an eye open. Surprisingly, the stallion had backed off, and seemed to be retreating.
“W-what is that thing on your head?!” He screamed. Lyra’s ears drooped as the rest of the crowd heard his yell, and turned to look at the pink-and-turquoise freak. “Little Hoof, get away from her! She might have a disease or something!” The grey filly behind him backed away, as did a number of other ponies. That was when a plan popped into Lyra’s head.
She swung her head toward the crowd. “STAY BACK! I have pink hair, and I’m not afraid to use it!” The crowd backed up, pressing into the walls as Lyra began to cross the room easily. “Let me across, and no one gets hurt!”
After just a few more threats, Lyra had made it into the back room. It was at that moment that she noticed the horrible screeching noise that was invading her eardrums like jackhammers. A small piece of orange plastic landed by her foot. Looking to see where the object had flown from, her eyes rested upon the Taffy Machine, which was now shaking and sputtering uncontrollably. She made her way over to the machine, covering her ears. Once she was close enough, she noticed a small piece of yellow paper that graced the front of it. ripping it off, she read:
PROPERTY OF BON BON’S BON BONS
IF ASSISTANCE IS NEEDED,
PLEASE CONSULT BON BON OR TWIST
Lyra, taking a guess as to where her friend was located, cantered quickly to the small bedroom down the hall. She peeked her head in a called, “Bon Bon? Are you in here?” As she uttered the final word, she realized that the pudgy mass on the bed was not a pillow, but a pony: Bon Bon! “Oh, Bon Bon, I need-”
“A new friend? Yeah, I know.” Bon Bon spat angrily, not even bothering to raise her head. “GO AWAY!” She yelled, sniveling.
Whether it was simply the intensity of the yell or maybe some hidden earth pony magic that Lyra didn’t know about, the unicorn found herself outside the room within seconds. She walked back to the taffy machine. “Great.” She said, barely able to hear herself over the machine. “Twist is gone, and Bon Bon is an angry wreck. Now what?” She glanced at what appeared to be the control panel.
She gaped. How did Bon Bon do this? There were at least a dozen buttons, each a different color, and none of them labeled. In the corner, there was a small red control stick. Slightly above that, a blue knob. And, at the very top, three gray buttons. Lyra glanced around the machine, looking for anything that might tell her how to differentiate the buttons and knobs. Eventually, partially hidden under the machine, was a small pamphlet. It was labeled “Tafftastic 3000 Owner’s Manual.”
“SCORE!” Lyra whooped, picking up the book. She flipped to the table of contents. “There! ‘Buttons,’ page 30.” She flipped quickly through the pages, not bothering to look at any other instructions. Her hoof stopped at the page designated with a small diagram of the panel. Under it, in very fine print, it read:
For detailed instructions on the function of each button, please consult Owner’s Manual Part Two.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Lyra yelled, on her hind knees, at no one in particular. Now what? She eyed the panel again. For once, she decided just to let common sense take over.
The multicolored buttons probably didn’t have anything to do with starting or stopping. Most likely, they were just to adjust minuscule settings. The knob was probably for speed, or intensity. And the stick...she had nothing. But it didn’t look like the kind of object used to stop or start a machine. That left the three large, gray buttons. Due to their size, Lyra reasoned, they must have some importance. But they weren’t labeled. Even worse, they weren’t even colored! It was a 33.3% chance. Not the best odds, but what was a pony to do?
Lyra thought back to all the things Bon Bon had said about the machine. None of them were good. For all the unicorn knew, she could be sending dozens of ponies to their deaths with the push of a button! Lyra started to sweat, but eventually just bonked herself on the head. It was just a candy machine! What was the worst thing that could happen?
Bon Bon had stopped crying, and now was down to just the occasional sniffle. She probably would have been fine already, if Lyra hadn’t shown back up. She wasn’t really angry with Lyra; she was just angry at herself. Why did she have to go and mess up her friendship? Right now, Bon Bon didn’t want to see anyone. The mare hopped off her bed, and stood on shaky legs. Chances were that Lyra had left already. What reason did she have to stay?
“OH SWEET BABY LUNA!” Bon Bon heard being yelled by a familiar voice from outside her room. A few seconds passed. Then came a blood-curdling crack. Bon Bon, now in a frenzy, galloped out of her room. It sounded like Lyra was hurt!
Reaching the yellow room, Bon Bon was relieved to see that Lyra hadn’t been the source of the sound. However, she then saw what was: a large strand of plastic-filled taffy had attached itself to the wall, and due to the spinning of the machine, that piece had been ripped off. Lyra was pressing herself into the ground, hooves covering her face, trying to avoid the chunk of plaster that was now flying around the room sporadically. The turquoise mare, sensing someone had just entered the room, let out a wail. “Helpmehelpmehelpme!”
Bon Bon, even though she knew what she should do right now, hesitated for a moment. The depression she had been in before started to seep back in. “I’ll probably just mess it up again, and hurt Lyra...” She backed up a step. She couldn’t do it.
“BON BON!!! HELP ME!!!”
Bon Bon’s legs stopped moving backwards. Lyra’s cry resonated in her ears as she sprang forward, leaping toward the control panel. Why would she fail? She was Bon Bon, handling candy was her special talent! It was the thing she was better at than anypony else! She expertly dodged the taffy strand as it came toward her, ducking to the floor. Diagrams from the book she borrowed from the library, “Tafftastic 3000: The Complete Guide,” flooded her mind.
First, she spun the knob to its lowest setting. The taffy machine slowed, the flying chunk of wall eventually crashing loudly to the ground. She tapped in a quick combination of buttons, causing the large mixing blades to retreat slowly into the topmost chamber, where they locked into place with a click! And, finally, she slammed a hoof down onto the middle gray button. The whirring stopped. The spinning metal death-trap had been shut down. Bon Bon gave a sigh of relief, and went to help Lyra, who was still shaking in fear on the floor, up onto her hooves.
“Bon Bon... I’m sorry.” Lyra shuffled her hooves, and kept her head down as she spoke. “I acted like a jerk today. Is there any way you can forgive me?”
Bon Bon stared at her for a moment. Tears began to well up in her eyes. “Forgive you? Can you forgive me?! Lyra, I destroyed your lyre! I MADE YOU BALD! I should be the one apologizing for how I acted! Not you! Just for some stupid candy...”
Lyra placed a hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “Well, how about we both apologize, and we call it even, okay?” Bon Bon nodded in agreement, the two silently deciding to forgo the traditional spit-in-hoofshake that usually followed negotiations. “But, Bon Bon, I have to ask...why were you so hung up on impressing me with new candy?”
Bon Bon’s ears drooped. “Do you...do you remember the old stallion I bought this shop from?” Lyra shook her head. “Well...”
“It’s not much, but it’ll get the job done.” Gumball said, running his crimson hoof through his dull grey mane. “Served me well for forty years! That it did...” As he took the sale forms out of his ragged brown satchel, Bon Bon marveled at the shop. Light filtered through the window, casting a beautiful light upon the wooden floors. Bon Bon gave a polite cough. “Oh, sorry there, just taking a stroll down memory lane.”
“Oh, it’s perfectly fine!” She responded cheerfully. “And I can understand. You’ve had this place for so long! It must be hard to give it up.”
“Well said, young lady. Now, about the price...” He did some calculations in his head, the contents of which Bon Bon didn’t attempt to figure out. “Well, if I were to average together everything I’m giving you here...it would come to about 30.” Bon Bon’s scratched her head.
“30 what? 30 bits? Because that seems pretty cheap...”
The stallion gave a jolly laugh. “Oh, young lady, you kill me! 30,000 bits.” Bon Bon’s mouth fell open. 30,000 bits?!
“I...I see. Well, thank you. I’ll definitely take it into consideration.”
He shook his head. “Right. This is about the money, isn’t it?” Bon Bon nodded in agreement. “I get it. Young mare, just branching out on her own for the first time...” He glanced at her, then closed his red eyes, deep in thought. His eyes were still closed when he continued, saying “Well then. Maybe we can work something out here.” He turned to Bon Bon, who noted a hint of sadness in both his voice and eyes. “You’re a mare of candy, are you not?” Bon Bon nodded. “So the cutie mark does not lie.
“Well, that’s something we share.” He motioned with his head to the mark adorning his flank: a peppermint wheel. “I’ve been making ponies happy ever since I was a colt. I’ve been making myself happy.” Bon Bon wasn’t surprised. There wasn’t much else a cutie mark like that could mean. “And I’m honored to see that the craft lives on. Everypony loves candy. It’s one of the joys of life. And that brings me to my point. Ms. Bon Bon, I would be willing to give you this place, no money required.” Once again, Bon Bon’s mouth fell open.
“I-I-Thank you! But...I can’t accept it. What about you? You can’t just give away your home for free!”
“I’ve been in this business for years. I’ve got quite a sizable amount saved up, enough to let me live comfortably for my last few years. And I’m not planning on giving it away for free. I just said that no money would be involved. Ms. Bon Bon, I want you to make me a promise.”
“Even if it may not seem like it at first, making candy can be a hard job. You have the power to control the emotions of hundreds of ponies, without even lifting a finger. It’s difficult. Unless, that is, you have the gift. Young lady, something, whether it be fate, destiny, or even Celestia herself, has given you that gift. Now, it’s up to you whether you want to use it.” He took in a deep breath. “Ms. Bon Bon, will you carry on this old pony’s legacy?”
“Yes!” Bon Bon yelped. “Yes! Of course I will! Who wouldn’t want to make ponies happy?”
Gumball chuckled, his mane bouncing with a newly gained vigor. “Good, that’s the spirit. Now, that’s a promise?” Bon Bon held a hoof to her head in a mock salute. “Right. Well, looks we’ve got it all figured out. I wish you luck, young lady, and do hope we meet again somehow.”
Bon Bon nodded in agreement. “The same to you. And don’t worry; I won’t disappoint you.”
Lyra noticed tears starting to roll down Bon Bon's face. "I-It's just...I made a promise, you know? I promised I would make everypony happy. I disappointed you, I disappointed everyone...”
Lyra draped a comforting leg over her friend's shoulder. "You can’t really think that, Bon Bon! Don't you see all those ponies out there? They've been waiting for hours, just to get a taste of what you have to offer them!" She turned her body so that she was now gripping the earth pony's cream-colored shoulders. "You're Bon Bon. You’re the greatest mare I know! I could never do what you do and stay sane.”
Bon Bon sniffled a bit, and wiped her red eyes. “Do...Do you really mean that, Lyra?”
“You know I do. You’ve more than repaid your debt.” Loosening her grip, Lyra levitated a small cloth over to Bon Bon. “I guess I made you cry twice today, huh?”
Bon Bon gave a shaky laugh. “Yeah. Well, can I consider that payback for the poison joke?”
“Sure.” She helped Bon Bon to her hooves. “Now, let’s go.”
“Wait, what? Go where?”
Lyra raised an eyebrow. “Can’t you hear that buzz?” Bon Bon listened. She could hear it! That was when she realized: none of the ponies in her shop had left. “They’re all still here! I think that’s proof enough that your candy makes ponies happy.” Lyra opened the door, letting all the ponies outside know that Bon Bon had returned. The buzz turned into a roar. “ARE YOU READY TO MAKE SOME CANDY?!” Lyra yelled over the noise.
Bon Bon walked up to the register and removed the offending sign, a confident look on her face.
She was Bon Bon. She was always ready to make ponies happy.
A LIST OF FICS/OTHER THINGS BY DUBS REWATCHER
Seriously, why are you reading things by me? Do you hate yourself? Go read something good, like Sound of Sunlight
Problems or Perplexities? Email me at: [email protected]
THE SOCKS OF WRATH (Received first place in the Grand Fan-Creation Contest, honorable mention in EqD’s “Happy Luna” contest, and featured on FIMFiction.com!)
As you probably know, Princess Celestia is the foremost expert on the subject of friendship. But, when she ends up violating one of her own sacred philosophies, it takes Luna and a very bizarre piece of clothing to show her the light.
A DASHED REPUTATION (5-star on EqD and FIMFiction!)
Despite what many may think, Rainbow Dash isn't fearless. There is one thing that keeps her at bay, that she will fight to protect: her reputation.
So, what happens when that reputation comes in contact with danger? Hilarity, tears, and mass panic, that's what.
SUGARCOATED (4-star on EqD!)
A pony is defined by their cutie mark, the thing that tells them what they are best at. But what happens when one feels they have failed at the thing that makes them special?
ROTTEN APPLES (4.5 star on FIMFiction!)
One day, while playing with her friends, Apple Bloom accidentally steals a package of her favorite sweets, Dippers. Now, she must learn to live the life of crime she has chosen, whether it means losing her family, her friends, or even her home.
(4.4 star on FIMFiction!)
After winning the annual Canterlot Amateur Music Festival, Lyra is approached by a record producer to work for him. At first, Lyra thinks of it as a dream come true. However, the world of music is not a perfect one in any sense of the word. Now, Lyra must learn to work with her new found friends to reach stardom, even if it means giving up her own dreams.
THE MOONY MAIDEN (Featured on FIMFiction! 4-Star on EqD, and 367:8 ratio on FIMFiction!)
It's been more than a year since Princess Luna's return to Equestria, and she is making great strides in her language skills. And along with this come a slew of new writing skills.
However, Celestia may have a few objections once she finds out just WHAT Luna has been writing...
Derpy Hooves, muffin lover and mailmare, always believed she was just an ordinary mare...until one day, when she discovers: her butt is MAGIC. Now, using her powers, will she be able to save Ponyville? Or will it be doomed to live under the tyranny of trees, overpriced restaurants and store-brand peanut butter?
What if, without your consent, everything about you got changed? This is what happens to Derpy Hooves, as she wakes to find a world where everything that makes her unique has been stripped away, and she's now just another mailmare.
failed projects (i’m terrible)
A failed project. It’s too bad, because I think it would have been really funny. Basically, the CMC break into a psychologist’s office when he’s away, and see all of his patients.
As I said, it is a FAILED project. It wasn’t anywhere near completion when I stopped.
Once again, another failed project(I AM TERRIBLE). All I had was Twilight going on Omegle. No, really. I actually went to Omegle and roleplayed as Twilight to see what people would do.
I loved writing the beginning of this. However, once they got to Canterlot, I feel it went downhill. Unlike the others, this story was at it’s final scene when I stopped. I cancelled it when Lesson Zero came out.
Sounds like a clopfic, doesn’t it? Anyway, I cancelled this because I couldn’t think of a good ending. There are a few good scenes, but, all in all, it’s pretty average.
This was supposed to be my Magnum Opus! I came with the idea during an epiphany one morning on the subway. I wrote the first chapter and about ⅗ths of the second when I stopped. See the page for more details.
NOT WRITTEN BY ME
This was written by my friend The Drunken Colt. It was only edited by me.
THE CMC GOES TO A HAUNTED HOUSE. HIJINKS INSUE.
Written for "The Great Fan-Creation Contest!"
IT’S NOT PONY
Some time last year, my friend Jonathan Lee-Rey told this story to me. Since then, I have told it at least once to everybody I know. This is it, written down for generations to come.
“You invented a new candy?” Twilight was skeptical of her pink friend’s claim. Sure, the overly energetic pony could bake, but she never seemed like one to try and make something wholly new. Using hot sauce to frost her cupcakes? Making muffins with marshmallows? Yes, those made sense, but supposedly coming up with an entirely new type of candy? In a bakery? That seemed a little too out of the blue, even for Pinkie.
“Yes! I call them ‘Rainbow Bits!’ Here, try some!” Smiling widely, the pink pony pushed a bowl across the counter toward her purple friend. It was filled with small, multicolored pellets that shook slightly as their container moved. Twilight eyed the bowl skeptically, cautiously sniffing its contents. They smelled like...air?
“Oh no, silly.” giggled Pinkie Pie, “You don’t smell ‘em. You eat ‘em!” And, as an example, she leaned over the counter and scooped up a mouthful of the unfamiliar candy. She let out a satisfied “Mm!” as she chomped happily on the small spheres.
Twilight, assured that her friend’s concoction was at least somewhat edible, slowly bent her head towards the bowl and tentatively scooped a few rainbow bits into her mouth with her tongue. She chewed slowly. The candies were hard-shelled, but extremely chewy on the inside. They tasted...sweet; sweeter then anything she had ever eaten. But it was more then just sugar, they tasted like all the best flavors of every fruit she had ever eaten. Like fresh apples and peaches and plumbs and grapes and bananas, all mixing together in her mouth yet still retaining their unique flavors.
“OH, HO-HO! THIS IS DELICIOUS!” the unicorn exclaimed, immediately plunging her head back into the bowl. She inhaled the remainder of its contents, and then sat chewing at the counter for a good minute; her cheeks puffing outward like a chipmunk’s. Finally, she finished the sweets, and then caught her breath as she prepared to ask Pinkie another question.
“So, how’d you manage to make these? I don’t know much about cooking, but I know that baking and candy-making are completely different ball games.”
“Oh Twilight don’t be ridiculous, we don’t have nearly enough room to play ball in the kitchen!” The pony laughed, “Besides, it’s too messy after all we did today. It took me sixty-nine batches to get the flavors right! It’s a good thing Rainbow Dash stuck around as long as she did, otherwise it might have taken forever!” She threw her hooves into the air for emphasis as she spoke the last word, accidentally sending a plate of croissants flying across the room. “Oopsy-daisy!” She darted to the falling plate, managing to catch it perfectly on one hoof. She then tossed it carelessly back onto the counter, where it landed with a violent thunk and swirled around for a few tense moments before settling down. It was due solely to sheer luck that none of the pastries fell off. “Tah-Dah!” Pinkie Pie said, a satisfied grin on her face.
“Aaanyway...” Twilight resumed, choosing to ignore her friend’s klutziness, “You said that Rainbow Dash helped make these? Really? I thought she hated cooking. And not flying every two minutes.”
“Oh no, she didn’t help cook, I just needed her to make sure the taste was right!” The pink pony hopped back behind the counter, pulling another bowl of Rainbow Bits from underneath and setting them in between her and Twilight.
“You...used her as a taste-tester?” Now the unicorn was really confused. “That makes even less sense! You’ve never needed one before! Besides, you’re the one creating a new recipe, why do you need someone else to taste it for you? Heck, how did Rainbow even get involved in this process in the first place? Why not-”
“Oh, Twilight,” the pink pony giggled, waving off the barrage of questions with a hoof, “It’s a very long story. Just let auntie Pinkie start from the beginning and aaaall your questions will be answered!”
“Pinkie, we’re the same a-”
“So there I was, just walking down the street...”
It was a late morning in Ponyville, and the town was busting with activity. Today was Saturday, and the main square was filled with fillies and colts of all colors, each at stands selling and buying an endless variety of products and produce. Through the middle of it all, totally oblivious to her surroundings, hopped Pinkie Pie, who hummed happily to herself and occasionally burst into song.
“Dooo wah diddy, diddy-dum, diddy-do!” She giggled as a few ponies glanced at her. Ignoring their curious gazes, she continued to sing to herself, “...and shufflin’ her hooves, singin’ dooo wah d-OH!” She halted suddenly as a blur of color swept overhead, its velocity sending a powerful gush of wind through the market. The figure then darted upward, twirling through the air and shedding velocity until it reached the apex of its climb.
Pinkie Pie hopped up and down in excitement, “Whoo-hoo! Way to go, Rainbow Dash!” she cheered.
The pegasus descended, letting gravity propel her back towards the ground. She adjusted her trajectory, aiming for the library, and began furiously flapping her wings to further increase her speed. As soon as she passed the library’s canopy she turned, circling it once while still descending, pulling up just before she hit the ground, and then re-circling the giant tree as she returned to the sky. Unfortunately, as she passed the library’s upper deck her wing caught on a branch, causing her to lose control of her flight and go tumbling through the air.
Rainbow Dash careened toward the makeshift market, her limbs flailing every which way. Although she managed to regain control at the last moment, she was unable to change direction in time and crashed, headfirst, into a vendor’s wagon. The crowd, which had been watching the show intently, gasped as debris flew everywhere.
“Oh no!” Pinkie Pie rushed over to her friend, who lay sprawled out on the ground, dazed. “Are you okay?” Around them, a murmur had arisen in the crowd.
“What? What’s going on? What happened?” A green stallion with a grey mane pushed his way through the crowd, halting suddenly when he saw the wreckage. His face twisted into a look of horror. “OH CELESTIA. MY CABBAGES! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?” He frantically stepped through the rubble, trying desperately to salvage any remnants of his wares. He shortly gave up and began sobbing into his hooves.
“Uh...sorry...” Rainbow Dash, still struggling to see straight, stood shakily as she apologized. She turned to her pink friend, more frustrated then regretful, “I was so sure it would work this time.” She pawed at the ground with her hoof as she attempted to quell her dissatisfaction. Pinkie Pie, who remained the only pony still smiling, opened her mouth to reassure the pegasus, but before she could speak another voice erupted from the crowd.
“RAINBOW DASH!” The crowd parted and a brown pony stepped out. It was the mayor. “What have I told you about stunt-flying that close to town on market days? You could have seriously hurt somepony!” The crowd grew silent as the mayor approached the pegasus.
“I said I was sorry!” Rainbow Dash retorted, “Besides, it’s not my fault! If it hadn't been for that tree branch I could have totally pulled off another Sonic Rainboo-”
“A Sonic Rainboom? Are you insane!?” The mayor was now directly in front of the azure daredevil, leaning in so close that their faces were almost touching. She spoke quietly yet fiercely, “Do you have any idea what might happen if that much energy was released so close to the town? For all we know you could have leveled half the city!” She could barely contain her fury at the blue pegasus; it took all her self-control not to scream at her outright.
“S-sorry...” Rainbow fell back on her haunches, hanging her head in embarrassment and shame, realizing that almost the entire town was watching her “I-it won’t happen again.”
“It had better not.” The mayor huffed, “Now, I do believe you owe somepony a new cabbage stand.” She pointed to the still-sobbing stallion with her hoof before walking off again, sighing angrily and muttering to herself. The crowd turned back to stare at Rainbow Dash, who sat silently in the middle, unsure of what to do next.
“Well this isn’t very good.” Pinkie, still smiling, saw that her friend was at a loss and decided to try and better the situation. “Hey! I know! How about a party? To cheer up everypony!” She bounced upwards as she said this, barely able to contain her excitement at the prospect of a party. The crowd did not share her enthusiasm, however, and instead responded with a collective muttering of no-thank-you’s.
Pinkie Pie’s smile dropped. As the crowd dispersed, she silently helped Rainbow Dash gather up any remaining cabbages and together they piled them next to the green and grey pony. Finally, the pegasus, head still hung in defeat, timidly offered to pay for the damages she had caused, but did not have enough to cover all of it. Pinkie Pie lent her some bits, and, in an attempt to cheer her friend up, walked her to Sugarcube Corner for some comfort food.
The bakery was deserted, and Rainbow Dash sat alone at a table while Pinkie Pie prepared some food. The pony gathered some pastries onto a dish and then poured two glasses of milk, humming as she did so. She sat the plate in the middle of the table, and then returned quickly with the drinks. She ate happily at first, taking a big bite out of a tart and a huge gulp of milk. However, she stopped her meal as soon as she noticed that her friend was not touching her food. Rainbow sat, head hung, staring blankly at the brown tabletop.
“Are you okay, Dashie?” Pinkie leaned closer to the pegasus, extending a comforting hoof across the table. “Don’t let those grumpy-wumpies get to you. You were amazing until the tree got in your way!”
The blue pony looked up at her friend, trying to force a smile “Thanks Pinkie…but the mayor’s right, I shouldn’t have been practicing something like that above the town. Also I…I did actually hurt my side. I don’t think I’ll be doing any more flying today.” She sighed, “I was this close…”
“Well…” Pinkie tried to think of a better conversation topic, or at least a better perspective on the current one, “Why don’t you tell me what you were trying to do? You said it involved a Sonic Rainboom?” She grinned, eager to hear what new stunt her friend had concocted.
“Oh, yeah!” The pegasus lifted her head from the table, her smile genuine this time, “So, I was thinking, I’ve only ever pulled off a Sonic Rainboom when I’m going downwards, which means gravity has always been helping me. So if I did it going upwards, then gravity would be working against me, which means I’d need to work even harder and I’d be even more awesome if I pulled it off going upwards!” She grinned smugly, but quickly returned to a more mellow expression. “But…I didn’t pull it off.”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll do it next time.” Pinkie Pie took another huge bite out of her meal, swallowing it whole. She gagged slightly, causing Rainbow Dash to giggle and take interest in her own meal.
“Thanks Pinkie, I hope you’re right.” She took a small bite from a cupcake, her mood very much improved by the reassurance. They ate happily, not talking but making plenty of noise. When they finished, and Pinkie had licked the plate clean, Rainbow Dash decided that she really was done with flying for the day, and offered to help her friend out in the kitchen. The pony was more then happy to have the company,
“It’ll be like a baking party!” She pranced around in excitement, “Woohoo!” Rainbow Dash chuckled softly at her friend’s behavior.
“Oh Pinkie Pie, you are so random.”
The Cakes were out shopping, so the two girls spent the next half-hour goofing off in the kitchen, trying to come up with ideas for a new pastry or flavor of frosting. No one else entered the shop as they worked, so their fun went undisturbed, although Pinkie Pie later realized that this was because she had forgotten to remove the “Closed” sign from the front window. Now, as they cleaned up the results of their latest attempt at invention, Rainbow Dash had another idea.
“Hey, has anyone made a recipe for some sort of spicy pastry?”
“Oh! That reminds me!” Pinkie Pie, who had been sweeping the floor with a small, mouth-held broom, jerked her head back up, her movement sending the broom flying across the room. She made no attempt to stop it from crashing into a pile of dirty dishes. She looked eagerly at the blue pegasus as she spoke. “Can I taste you?”
Rainbow Dash stopped in her tracks, letting the mop she had been casually swishing side-to-side fall to the ground. She stared, horrified, at her pink friend, hoping that she had just misheard.
“See, I thought of this a long time ago, you know how rainbows taste spicy? Well, since you’re Rainbow Dash, that means that, by the associative property at least, you should taste spicy too!” Pinkie hopped closer to her friend, smiling innocently as she spoke, “So can I taste you to see if you’re spicy?”
“YOU WANT TO EAT ME!?” Rainbow recoiled in fear; her wings deployed defensively, and she began frantically searching for the fastest way out of the building.
“Oh no, silly. What ever gave you that idea?” Pinkie giggled uncontrollably, rolling her eyes as she did. After a few seconds of laughter, which made the pegasus even more uncomfortable, she finally regained control of herself. “I just want to see what you taste like.” Then, with out waiting for further comment from Rainbow Dash, she darted over to her side and moved her head quickly upward, licking from the bottom of the pegasus’ stomach up to the tip of her wing. Rainbow Dash instantly retracted her wings, and quickly backed away from the insane pink pony.
“Pinkie!” She yelled, terrified.
“Blegh! Tastes just like raisins.” Pinkie let out a disappointed sigh, “And not even spicy raisins.”
“What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know—”
“—better then to invade people’s priva—”
Before she could finish, Piknie darted in close to her and kissed her full on the lips, her tongue quickly probing the stunned pegasus’ mouth. She pulled away as suddenly as she had pushed in, and now stood contemplating what she had just tasted. Rainbow Dash could do nothing but stare blankly at her friend, her face slowly reddening as she measured her own feelings about the situation.
“Wow.” Said Pinkie, “That…tastes…INCREDIBLE! It’s like every type of fruit I’ve ever tasted! And it’s so sweet! Like frosting, but more natural!” She hopped up and down, licking her lips for more flavor. “This would be an incredible flavor for a doughnut! No wait-! Even better! A candy! It’s too sweet for a pasty, yes, definitely more of a candy-tasting type of taste!” She suddenly turned back to Rainbow Dash, who stood in the middle of the kitchen, stunned into silence. “Ooh, ooh! Can I have some more?”
“Uh…” the pegasus swallowed nervously, her cheeks now blazing a deep purple as she turned her gaze back to the pink pony, “N-Um…I…Ap-I mean, uh…y-yes?”
“Yay!” And in a flash she was back, the inertia behind her kiss pushing Rainbow into a sitting position. After a few seconds, the pegasus worked up enough nerve to kiss back, causing Pinkie to giggle at the new sensation. Finally, and more slowly then the last time, the kiss broke. Pinkie was the first to speak.
“Soooo, what did I taste like? Huh? Huh?” She grinned eagerly.
“Pinkie…” Rainbow sighed, smiling at her friend’s naivety.
“Heh, heh. You taste like cotton candy.”
“Aaaw…but that’s already been invented…”
“And then the rest of the day we made candy until I finally got the flavors right!” Pinkie exclaimed, “Although Rainbow Dash kept knocking over things with her wings. She absolutely refused to put them down after I compared the first batch.” She giggled to herself, still more concerned with her own thoughts than her friend’s reaction. Suddenly, she began waving a hoof in front of her face, fanning herself with it, “Hey, Twilight, when did it get so hot in here. Heh. Or is it just me?”
But the purple unicorn was too shocked to react to her friend’s sudden fluster. She sat, slowly chewing a few final Rainbow Bits, and tried to process what the pony had just told her. Suddenly, she realized what she was eating and spat them out, unsure how she felt about the whole situation. Unfortunately for her, Rainbow Dash chose this moment to stagger out of the kitchen, her eyes half-open and legs still shaky from all the hours of “baking,” causing Twilight even more inner turmoil.
Does…does she really taste like that? She instantly recoiled at her own thought, No. There are more important questions then that. Many more. Like…like, uh…like…WHY IN CELESTIA’S NAME CAN’T I THINK OF ANY MORE QUESTIONS!?
Luckily, she did not have to suffer her own thoughts for much longer, for only seconds after Rainbow Dash appeared the bakery door swung open, causing the chimes to sing and revealing a tired yet satisfied-looking Applejack.
“Whoo-wee!” She exclaimed, “Why if that weren’t the busiest market day ah ever seen!” She trotted quickly to the counter, not noticing Twilight’s stunned silence or Rainbow Dash’s post-ecstasy drowsiness, “Ah sure am hungry. Ya’ got anything special today, Pinkie?”
“You betcha!” She replied enthusiastically, her hoof still working to lower her body’s perceived temperature, “Here!” She withdrew another bowl from under the counter, “It’s a new candy! I call them ‘Rainbow Bits!’ ”
“New candy? Well shucks, ah never knew ya’ could make that kinda stuff in a bakery.” She shoved her head into the bowl, slurping up a mouthful of the candies before either Twilight or Rainbow Dash had time to react. She chewed happily. “Mm-hm! Well ah’ll be, if this don’t taste exactly like—” Her eyes widened in horror and she turned her head slowly toward the blue pegasus.
“Well, I couldn’t have done it without Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie Pie continued, oblivious to Applejack’s sudden halt, “Ooh! That reminds me! I forgot to tell you, Twilight, but after we perfected the Rainbow Bits, we managed to use Dashie’s original idea after all! It turns I was right about the associative property!””
“Oh-original idea? Associative what now?” Applejack turned back to Pinkie, while Rainbow Dash, finally coming out of her daze, realized what she had missed. She was instantly alert, but lacked the foresight to realize what was about to happen. Twilight, however, did not, and promptly fainted as soon as the implications hit her. Her friends were too enthralled with Pinkie Pie to notice.
“Yep!” The pink pony ducked under the counter again, this time re-surfacing with a plate, “But I was wrong about the place. Here!” She shoved the pastry-filled plate toward the other end of the counter. “You can be one of the first ponies to ever taste a spicy Rainbow Dash Muffin!”
Rainbow Dash’s cheeks skipped purple and when straight to a blazing crimson.
“And that’s how I got my Cutie Mark!” Pinkie Pie concluded. “Maybe next time I’ll tell you about the day I invented a new candy!”
“Wait, wha-?” However, before Applebloom could finish questioning Pinkie’s tale, the pony had skipped happily away, humming to herself as she moved towards the sunset. Behind her, Sweetiebelle, mouth agape, sat in utter confusion and dawning horror. Meanwhile Applebloom lay between her two friends, hooves folded in front of her and head tilted to one side, muttering softly to herself and trying to figure out exactly what the eccentric pink pony had just told them. Finally Scootaloo, her cheeks burning red, stood wondering why she couldn’t force her wings back down, and why the hay had they sprung up like that in the first place?