The Most Dangerous Dish!
by: Chopper's Top Hat
The land of Equestria lies closer than it seems,
to get there, leave your house and take a left at your dreams
then go straight past a fancy, turn right at thin air,
if you see the impossible, you are almost there.
Now look for an absurdity wrapped up in a song,
then turn right; you will see Ponyville before long.
And it is in this town that our story I'll tell
it comes with a lesson, that's clear as a bell.
Zecora's my name, these events I did see
(though I had certain portions related to me.)
And storytelling is sacred in my land,
so sit down and enjoy (unless you'd rather stand.)
It begins with a Pegasus, of prismatic hues
not a pony in town would want to be in her shoes
At least not at this moment, when proud Rainbow Dash
fell right to the ground with a resounding CRASH!
This alone could not be called a unique event,
Dash's stunts often sent her to the nurse's tent.
But despite her all her rashness and boasts most profound
you'll find no better flyer anywhere in this town.
For Miss Dash has a mission of which she's possessed:
to be Ponyville's superstar, the brightest and best.
Iron Pony, Best Young Flyer, the title is moot,
Dash is all about winning, and with such style, to boot!
And that's why on this day at a quarter past nine,
she crashed headfirst into a large wooden sign.
The sign's message almost made her shout out “hooray!”
It read: FIRST ANNUAL PONYVILLE BAKE-OFF TODAY!
“A new competition! A new chance to show
what everypony here should already know:
“When it comes to contests, I'm willing to bet,
I can beat anypony without breaking a sweat!
“No matter the challenge, it would be far too rash
to ever think they could beat me: Rainbow Dash!”
And so she flew off, with marvelous plans,
to bake cookies and puddings and flambe and flan.
There was only one problem she did overlook:
not once had she ever even TRIED to cook!
“How hard can it be?” said Dash in her pride
so she flew to her cloud-home and hopped right inside
To her seldom-used kitchen, where she started to look
for her dusty and never-once-opened cookbook.
“I'll make apple pie! No, wait, that plan is whack,
it'll just lose out to Granny Smith and Applejack.
“Earth ponies have access to all the best fruit,
I need Pegasus recipes to give them the boot!”
Now Pegasus cooking you really must try,
it's made with the tastiest parts of the sky.
There's cloud cotton candy with its sweetest of tastes
and good sunbeam soup brings a smile to one's face
and you just haven't lived till you've taken a bite
of cumulus cake or pie made from starlight.
These were all Dash's favorites, she could swallow them whole
and she'd loved all these dishes since she was a foal.
But she'd never prepared them, for that took great doing,
much work to be done before there could be chewing.
“I can't just bake anything, I need a surprise,
something that that'll shock them and win me first prize!
“I've got it! I've got it! I know just what to make!
The Super Triple-Decker Black Thundercloud Cake!”
Now this cake, I am told, is not easy to form,
for the secret ingredient is clouds from a storm.
They must be baked in with the greatest of care
then the flavor will POP! like lightning in the air.
But in the hooves of a novice, I'm sorry to say
the cake causes chaos, sure as night follows day.
But Dash did not worry, and though it's not a sin,
she was simply too dead-set on needing to win.
So she flew to the stormiest place in the land,
she braved winds that few ponies could ever withstand,
but after a struggle, she did duly obtain
the blackest of storm clouds, full of lightning and rain.
But now she was worried, for it was as she feared,
the time of the bake-off was growing quite near.
So when baking the cake, she took shortcuts aplenty,
and may have made a tiny error or twenty.
But finally her storm-cake, all topped off with fudge
was ready to be placed in the hooves of the judge.
So off she did fly, to the bake-off location
which was Ponyville Park (fine place for recreation.)
The competition was fierce, everypony was there;
Twilight had made dumplings with fresh sweetened pears.
And Applejack filled all her rivals with fright
with her family's great secret: Ultra-Apple Delight.
Derpy Hooves had her muffins of famous renown
the flavor, she said was “Canada in a gown.”
I brought an old Zebra favorite I happen to know,
made with yams, garlic butter, and fresh tomato.
Dash put down her entry right next to me,
and said, “Hey there Zecora, you're just in time to see
“everypony in town get her baking cred smashed,
by the pride of the skies: that'd be me, Rainbow Dash.”
But just then her cake began emitting a rumble
so strong it was causing the whole thing to crumble!
“Oh no!” shouted Twilight, “I've read about this,
if a storm cake starts shaking, something's surely amiss!”
“If you don't bake it just right, the cloud that's in there
will start shooting lightning out everywhere!”
And Twilight was right, for make no mistake,
a huge bolt of lightning swiftly shot out of the cake.
Then two and then three, and a fourth and then five
everypony in town had to run for the lives.
All but one: Rainbow Dash simply started the cake down
“nobody's getting zapped,” she said, “not in MY town.”
And with courage unrivaled she flew at the cake,
right into the maelstrom it left in its wake.
She dodged every bolt and every lightning flash
yes, THIS was the reason that she was called Dash!
Then she broke the cake open, though it was quite thick
and smashed the cloud to nothing with a swift pony kick.
The ponies all cheered, but Dash was contrite,
she realized what she'd done wasn't quite right.
“I'm so sorry,” she said, with an awkward, forced grin.
“I was just too fixated on wanting to win.
“I put my friends in danger, just because I need
to be the best pony at every deed.
“But now I see that I can't be number one
at every last thing to do under the sun,
“We all have our talents at which we excel
and we all have things we just can't do very well.
“I'm brave and I'm loyal, I'm fast and I'm tough,
so what if I can't cook? That's way more than enough!”
Twilight beamed; later on, she had Spike take a letter
for she understood friendship just a little bit better,
thanks to Dash and her misguided attempts to cook,
(these were lessons you just couldn't get in a book.)
And who won the contest, I’m hearing you ask?
Which filly’s fine foodstuffs were up to the task?
Though some of our friends were greatly surprised,
Miss Derpy took home the judge’s second prize.
But even her muffins could not well compete
with one pony's outstanding culinary feat.
Her sweets and her candy simply can't be missed,
I am speaking of course of dear little Twist.
Whose chocolate tarts were truly heaven-sent,
(all despite her obvious speech impediment)
We partook one and all; the fine taste just trapped us,
(more reason to be glad Dash's cake hadn't zapped us.)
And I returned to my home with a smile on my lips,
and a hope all those tarts wouldn’t go to my hips.
So next time you decide to start baking a treat,
be it pudding or jello or pies filled with meat.
Just be glad that in the world where YOU reside
you'll find precious few cakes that are electrified.