FOLKS ARE STILL PITCHING IN TO TRY TO NARRATE THIS BEAST, AND I WANT YOU TO SERVE YOUR COUNTRY.
JOIN THE MARINES.
IF YOU AREN’T AMERICAN, GET AN AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP AND JOIN THE MARINES.
THEN, WHEN YOU GET BACK FROM DEPLOYMENT, NARRATE SOME CHAPTERS. LIKE STRAWBERRY SPICE DID FOR LIKE FUCKING FIFTEEN OF THEM. STRAWBERRY SPICE IS BEST SPICE.
THIS PIECE IS SPLIT INTO TWO PARTS BECAUSE ONE GOOGLE DOC CANNOT FIT ALL OF THE AWESOME WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS ACTUALLY IT WAS JUST THE IMAGES. HERE IS THE SECOND HALF: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vyuj4U06gbbT3ab_geHlo7UY7i0tjm4heuanPjQHmF8/edit?hl=en&authkey=CIyWoYII#
THE NARRATION THUS FAR:
Chapter Twelve ½*
Chapter 12 7/9
Chapter 16 28/99999999999999999
Chapter 21 (ALTERNATE)
Chapter Why Can’t I Hold All These Chapters
Chapter ATHF: Enter the Carl
Chapter Huszonhét (27)
Brick Joke Chapter
Contributors: HEAVY METAL PONY, HawkeyePierce, Colonel Sanders, Brooklyn Rage, Moony, Strawberry Spice, Starbolt, Radar,Prancing Pony, LiquidSnake, Cypony, Bobbles, Mush, Metal Link, Alexstrazsa, Anonpony, Guyandsam, colgate, Don-0, Freightrain, Tarentus (oh lawd whut), Flutterguy Elah, Daniel Tosh, Snowflake, Gingersnaps, Marinak, Aponymous, APPLEBLOOMS ARE petal knives BRONY no. 7098, Leroy Brown, Legato, John Madden,AfroSquirrel MosuMosu, Bubba Fatt, WOLL SMOTH, H.G. Wells, FINGERTHING, Dr. Quetzalcoatl Beckett of project Quantum BRICK, Cyberpony.7z, EvilEnchanter Wafflepan, Brotherlionheart, Stormy Specter, Vibrant Rain, Pranky Pie, J.R.R. Tolkien, Steve (what kind of a rapper name is “Steve” anyway?), R-R-RAINBOW FLASH, zorg (not that one indeed), Überpony, Shades, I_AM_DERPY, DAT_DYKE, MultiBaller, Scribblescruff, Acoustic /B/rony, zombiecake, c-c-c-combo breaker, Crimson Risk, OrangeMedley, Peach Strudel,Raspony(like Rasputin but in a pony form), Mithent, STEVEN MAGNET/CHARLES, TheRecordsKeeper, Mustang Elvis, asdfer, QuantumFire, RainBroDash, A Cat, Conrad McEvil III, NoPonyMan, Sam, Vanilla Shadow
WARNING: IF YOU HAVE A HEART CONDITION DO NOT READ THIS. YOU WILL DROP THE FLOOR, FLOPPING LIKE A FISH, WHILE CLENCHING YOUR HEART SEEING AS YOU ARE HAVING A HEART ATTACK. ALSO: IF YOU HAVE A SENSITIVE ANUS DO NOT READ THIS; THE BRICK YOU SHIT WILL BE PAINFUL.
VOLUME 2 OF THE HERP BOB SEGER DERP SERIES: WE ACCIDENTALLY THE ENTIRE PLOT
Fear of the pony tends to create fear of the flesh - Michael Jackson, 2009/02/10
Oh Celestia, I love us. - Not Michael Jackson, 2011/3/31
PROLOGUE: Concerning Bronies
This book is largely written by Bronies, and from its pages a reader may discover much of their character and little of their history. Further information will also be found in the selection from the Red Book of Derp that has already been published, under the title The Digest Through Zebras and Muff on Derpins (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Derp). That story was derived from the earlier chapters of the Red Book, composed by Bilbo himself, the first Brony to become famous in the world at large, and called by him Herp and Derp Again: A Brony’s Tale, since they told of his journey into the East and his return: an adventure which later involved all the Bronies in the great events of that Age that are here related.
Many, however, may wish to know more about this remarkable people from the outset, while some may not possess the earlier book. For such readers a few notes on the more important points are here collected from Brony-lore, and the first adventure is briefly recalled.
Bronies are an unobtrusive but very ancient people, more numerous formerly than they are today; for they love peace and quiet and gallon jugs of PCP: a well-ordered and well-farmed countryside was their favourite haunt. They do not and did not understand or like machines more complicated than a forge-bellows, a water-mill, or a Fleshlight, though they were skillful with their tools. Even in ancient days they were, as a rule, shy of ‘the Big Folk’, as they call us, and now they avoid us with dismay and are becoming cupcakes.
They are quick of hearing and frumptuous with dingle-berries, and though they are inclined to be fat and do not hurry unnecessarily, they are nonetheless pugnacious in their movements. They possessed from the first the art of being able to hear animals having sex from ten miles away, so that they are ready when animals that they wish to meet come blundering by; and this they have developed until to Men it may seem magical. But Bronies have never, in fact, studied magic of any kind, For they leave such manners to the unicorns, and their elusiveness is due solely to a professional skill that heredity and practice, and a close friendship with the their right hand, have rendered cumdigerous by bigger and clumsier races.
For they are a little people, smaller than Dwarves: less stout and stocky, that is, even when they are not actually much shorter. Their height is variable, ranging between two and four feet of our measure. They seldom now reach three feet; but they have dwindled, they say, and in ancient days they were taller.
To become a Brony, it is said that one must first go through “The Trial of Neptune”. This is a harrowing undertaking in which the potential for disembowelment is about 20% more likely to be cool then if you where to undergo the trial of Mercury which needs to be 20% cooler for a derping monkey to fringle the jangle boo. Trunk diddle unkey bunk cannot frim the whimsy without first ungollanting the mingle dimbzy.
PREVIOUSLY ON PONYBALL AF
“Theorizing that one could time travel within her own lifetime, Dr. Twilight Sparkle led an elite group of scientists into the Everfree Forest to develop a top-secret project known as Quantum Leap. Pressured to prove her theories or lose funding, Dr. Sparkle prematurely stepped into the project accelerator, and vanished.
She awoke to find herself in the past, suffering from partial amnesia and facing a mirror image that was not her own. Fortunately, contact with her own time was maintained through brain-wave transmissions with Spike, the project observer, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Dr. Sparkle can see and cupcake. Trapped in the past, Dr. Sparkle finds herself leaping from life to life, putting things right that once went wrong, and hoping each time that her next leap will be the leap home."
“Wha- what is that?” Fluttershy stammered.
“Molly,” replied her rainbow maned friend.
The shy pegasus gave her a look of confusion. “Where did you get it?” she inquired sheepishly.
“Scratch gave me some at her last party, she had a lot and gave me what was left over.”
Fluttershy felt uneasy, she had never even heard of Molly before but she was definitely curious. “What does it do?” Fluttershy asked.
And Pinkie Pie caught a Guilmon and named him Peanut Butter, and found bricks and exclaimed “Bricks!” Pinkie Pie fucking loves bricks.
“Oh boy.” groaned Twilight Sparkle, as she found herself in the middle of another crazy situation.
And so begins the second part of the greatest epic ever told.
CHAPTER -1: The Exodus of Doctor Rabbit (The Real Intro) [Also You Get Seduced by Steven Magnet]
Doctor Rabbit cupcaked back at Ponyville, bricks in his eyes, taking one last mental picture of his former home. He thought of Fluttershy, and how she banished him after molesting Angel Bunny. Doctor Rabbit walked through the nuclear wasteland that surrounded Ponyville (due to the last of the human wars) for days, seeking shelter and coke. He finally stumbled upon a small desert town, full of renegades and outcasts. None of which were ponies.
“Yes!” He thought with lust in his eyes, “this shall be my army, we shall slay Fluttershy!” He unsheated his sword and summoned his troops. “Onward my minotaurs! TONIGHT, WE DINE IN PONYVILLE!”
The attack had begun. They would kill Fluttershy. The invasion was ruthless, nopony was spared. Even young fillies were choked to death with their own intestines. Alas, they found Fluttershy. They took her back to the dungeons under the desert town. They tortured her. They began carving her and taking her apart like a wolf tears its prey. Before she faded away, she remembered what had taken place before: when she had done the same to Doctor Rabbit Cupcaked, destroying his family for the crime he had committed, castrating him and condeming him to a life of misery...
Yet she had no regrets. “If I had to do it all over again...I’d do the same thing! Twice!” Fluttershy gave out one last gasp, blood dribbled from her mouth.
“I’ve done it I’m avenge....” Dr. Rabbit cupcake was cut short by an arrow skewering his throat. He turned around to see Rarity with a bow made of solid Gold and silver. He only had time to make a gurgling sound as he fell to the ground dead. And to this day no plant is able to grow on the spot where the Dr. died, but wild flowers of the most beautiful type are present all year long at the place of Fluttershy’s death. Every year Pinkie Pie throws a celebration on the battle field in memory of the dead vowing that she would never forget...
Unless of course she forgot...
CHAPTER 0: PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI
PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI.
PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI gaga PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI BRICK PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI. PRESENT DAY. PRESENT TIME. HAHAHAHAHA.
*clop clop clop clop*
Once upon a time, there cupcaked a man. This man cupcaked PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI.
CHAPTER 00110110: Listen Up Everypony, We Getting Down
“Cupcaked!!” Squealed the Pink Pony as she began her genius plan. If this failed then all hope was lost for Equestria. It was up to her, Captain Pinkie, to save the day.
Time was drawing near, not even Dr Whooves would have enough time to deliver a severe amount of cupcakes into the endless destructive being known as Twilight. The Pink Pony pierced the heavens and appeared on the other side of the void, the drunken beast in front of her.
“YO TWILIGHT, I HEARD YOU LIKE CUPCAKES SO I PUT A CUPCAKE IN YO CUPCAKE SO YOU CAN CUPCAKE WHILE YOU CUPCAKE!” The thing of beauty flew through the air, directly on an intercept course towards the beast. It was too late, she couldn’t avoid it.
“Tell Lisa...I cupcake her..”
“SILLY TWILIGHT, TRIXIE IS FOR FILLIES, BITCH!”
Chapter 1: Sweet Celestia, Not This Again... AGAIN?
Dear Princesssesses Celestia,
It is I, Luke ‘MY NAME IS TROOOON’ Ponywalker, and I have some GREAT NEWS FOR YOU! I’m selling this amazing new vacuum cleaner, for only over nine thousand payments of $1.00! Call now and we’ll even throw in a freeee bucket of love cupcakes, the good kind.
I’m not a viking. Sorry. Just a fantasy. Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.
Luke ‘MY NAME IS TROOOON’ Ponywalker
PS. Twilight says hi from the bar.
Princess Celestia stared at the letter with disbelief, the deal was just too appetizing for her to deny it, she simply couldn't! She believe that Twilight Sparkle would deliver an edible letter flavored like chocolate drops on Valentines Day. For the amazing price of $19.99 she could get a vacuum cleaner.
A single tear of glorious musical liquid rolled down her cheek, and she smiled. What a wonderful world...
And it would only continue to get better. Her contact in the Klingon kingdom of the Gryphones had recently delivered the news; her secret order of secretly trained Battle Chipmunks was being delivered. In a few days, her plan would go into motion. Soon, the world would be hers... well, even more than it already is, since she controls the sun and all that. She would finally become Shogun.
CHAPTER 2: A Challenger Approaches
“Yo Snake! SNAKE??? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 999, aeiou
WHAT DO. WHAT DO. WHERE OH WHERE IS MY LITTLE MAGICIAN?” screamed an enraged chipmunk. And then the collective attack of a thousand chocklete chipmunks ruined Fluttershy’s Evil Twin’s birthday party for the sake of their Lord and Master, Steven Magnet-HAMMOND the Third!
Loom, we have to “Applebdo the fusion dance if we’re going to defeat HITLAR” said Jeff Goldblum. Soon raocow came for no reason and lied to the bankteller about his account information. The po-po were soon after her in an amazingly epic and horribly awesome car chase that involved many, many explosions and a few grammer Nutzis.
All of a sudden, chicken wings came out of the sky and ate some backround ponies, and yo mama. “WHY ARE THERE BUFALLO IN MY HOUSE?” said Luna. Twilight opened her mouth to answer the question but was quickly interrupted by Derpy sticking a muffin in there. Pinkie Pie was watching with a sly grin on her face, “If you don’t keep quiet Twilight, it’ll be more than just muffins in there...” “Yeah!!” agreed Rainbow Dash, looking very excited at the thought of what Pinkie suggested. “Ever done plot-to-mouth?” she asked Cheerilee? “lolwut i thought you were a teacher?” saidTwilight, her mouth still full of Derpy’s tender, sweet muffin. “Yeah but I got to make money on the side sweetie, That’s why I sell tickets at the carnaval”.
Pinkie Pie popped up randomly and said “Bricks!”
Then Bill Cosby abducted applejack and bored her for hours explaining how to make apple flavored jello. “HEY KIDS! WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO PLAY?” He shouted at the camera, holding the bowl of jello. Veggie Jello, A yellow mass with small bits of green inside it.The group of children he had tied up to the camera were still shaking in fear, one or two of them had already passed out. “POKEMON WITH THE POKEY AND THE MON AND THE THING WHERE THE GUY COMES OUT OF THE THING AND HE MAKES A GARBARBARBLGAHAHAGABA” said the humorous black man.
SUDDENLY THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE DIED. Again, and Bill Cosby.jpeg fired up his GIANT ROBOTIC J-J-J-JELLOPUDDIN’ POPS.
CANNON, but the now undead Trixie CAME, hard. AND SHE DOUBLE RAINBOW DASHED!. ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE SKY. ITS WAS SO INTENSE. ALMOST A TRIPLE RAINBOOM.
But then, still blindfolded and held by Trixie’s ear, the cantaloupes burst through the windows of Twilight’s house. “What in Celestia?” yelled Twilight as she exploded twice. “Do you believe in life after love?” retorted a sticky, melon covered Trixie. Rainbow Dash was having none of it. “I can feel something inside me say... I really don’t think you’re strong enough”
THEN TWILIGHT WAS A THESAURUS and then a velociraptor
Trixie looked directly at Twilight then back at Dash, then back at Twilight, and suddenly her hat floated above her head. To Twilight’s horror, Trixie’s neck extended to meet the hat in the air, and Trixie promptly stated, “NOPE.”
“Give me you’re tenders!”
CHAPTER TREE: THE SHY FLUTTERTREE
Chapter Fluttershy *squeak*
Fluttershy becomes a cyborg mahogany tree from the moon. Or does she?
Gilda, the meenie-mean-mcmeanygriffin tree-hater, looked at the giant cyborg tree in horror and tried to cut it down but cant, quickly realizing it was none other than Fluttertree, HER WORST ENEMY and natural predator. Quickly turning right round like a record baby and taking off into the sky, she called her OWN cyborg, the mighty BOB GILDANATOR SEGER. IT HAD OVER 9000 RODENTSCKETS AND LAZERS THAT WOULD MAKE JOHN FREEMANE JEALOUS (and dead).
Fluttershy came down on the stricken Griffon and said “LEAF ME ALONE, FOR I AM A TREE! That is, if you don’t mind.” Then out of NOWHHERE, Celestia. She said, “O HAI”, and left. And she came back. “JK LOL I’M BACK FOR REALS NOW. WHAT’S THIS ABOUT CYBORG TREE GRIFFONS?” And Celestia fired a friendship beam that destroy the GILDANATOR and all the rodentsckets and lazers and everything blew up and Fluttershy was no longer a tree even though she wished she was.
“I wish I was still a tree,” said a Saddershy. “Oh well, time for me to make like a tree and GET OUT OF HERE!”
“SORRY LOL BUT I’M THE PRINCESS HERE NOT YOU.” And Celestia flew off again to harass Luna at Mario and Sonic’s Winter Olympic Games.
And when Pinkie Pie awoke, she couldn’t even make sense of what she had just dreamed. “Is something the matter?” said Rainbow Dash, getting up next to her. “No. But that’s the last time I have candy for dinner” replied Pinkie Pie as she practiced her Olympic cupcaking.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT PINKIE PIE IS ABOUT FLUTTERTREE
CELESTIA ALREADY TOOK CARE OF FLUTTERTREE
BUT NOW FLUTTERTREE AND BLOOMBERG WILL NEVER BE TOGETHER! HOW COULD YOOOOOOU???
LOL I’M THE PRINCESS I DO WHAT I WANT
CHAPTER FORK: LOL I DUNNO: Fishsticks, get your fishtsicks here!
Then, Pinkie appeared out of absolutely nowhere, looked in a random direction and waved, said “I see you there” to some invisible people and disappeared into a whole.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” remarked Stephen Hawking, who is in no way connected to Stephen Magnet.
“What do you mean silly-filly?” said Pinkie when she came back out of the whole behind Stephen Hawknet. And then his head exploded.
Derpy Hooves had finally done it! She had invented the most convenient and nature friendly raptor , this will be revolutionary. This time, it was right, it would work, and nopony would have to get nailed to anything. It only contained high levels of Radiation! Delicious radiation... And fried chicken. I’m hungry now.
And so Derpy made friend chicken. It was delicious.
It was so delicious that everypony wanted some. Thus, all of the ponies became carnivores and Equestria was thrown in to utter chaos. In all the chaos the raptor was forgotten about.
“My, my, a raptor of my civility has no place in such barbaric culture.” And so the raptor left without doing anything important.
Then Steven Magnet raped the world and fled to his home on the other side of.. the world. To have sex with his multiple whores in his Steven Magnet Palace of Amazing. Steven Magnet did in fact have sex with these multiple whores. They loved him long time. holla holla get $
Chapter 5 :Rainbow dash Discovers the road of old memes
Rainbow Dash leaped from her cloud house, forgetting that she forgot to put her wings on, and plummeted to the ground. But then she ate an egg salad and landed to safety. But then she ACCIDENTALLY A WHOLE TREE and didn’t get hurt too bad. She landed in an apple tree in Sweet Apple Acres, and tried to pick up some of the fallen apples. When she couldn’t, she loudly procalimed “WHY CANT I HOLD ALL OF THESE APPLES?” Rainbow Dash then gave up on trying to hold the apples and continued with her day.
As she walked into town, she noticed that Pinkie Pie’s store was suspiciously closed, so she decided to investigate. When she walked in, said “hemenphanancera” and did a little dance. Pinkie Pie awaited her, with an innocent tray of cupcakes. “Hey Dash, try one!” Pinkie Pie said excitedly. “Sure why not.” Rainbow Dash replied. Rainbow Dash ate the cupcake and found it to be delicious! “Thanks Pinkie Pie!” she proclaimed
... “I love your mane!” said Rainbow Dash suddenly. “Do you really?” said Pinkie Pie, giggling to herself. “Aw thanks Dashy!” Rainbow Dash blushed a deep crimson hue. “Why can’t I quit you Pinkie Pie...” she thought to herself before she fainted from the intoxicated muffins. Pinkie pie then exclaimed “Bricks!”
From behind the bushes a pony in a pirate outfit told Applejack about her amazing ship and the Captain old sauce crew.They were on the search for Slowking and his amazing party wagon. “I must find Slowking and his amazing party wagon,” shouted AJ to the old sauce crew. The old sauce crew were an apple family clan born and raised in West-Fillydelphia and they were chillen on the playground and shooting B-ball outside of the school when a couple of parasprites were up to no good, started makin’ trouble in my neighborhood. They got in one little fight and old sauce momma said “You’re moving with your Granny Smith and cousin in Ponyville. THEN STEVEN MAGNET CAME.
The crew responded with, “We like turtles.” Got on the Millennium Falcon, used the boost to get through the lemon party groves and started their adventure. The adventure to find the party wagon and its protector a mysterious Slowking-bear of unspeakable horror...and candy. “Ok old sauce crew let’s find that mysterious Slowking-bear. We might run into some unspeakable horrors, but there’ll be candy, I’m sure ‘ave it,” reassured AJ to the old sauce crew.
“RRrarauugghrr” agreed Chewbacca. So they warped with the speed of light to pokemon planet to find the Slowking and they found him amongst all the slowpokes and bros of the slow-empire.
“Foolish foals of the foolish pony-race, I am the great Slowking-bear. You can never have my party wagons for they are filled with the most treasured of all the slow-candies. Now we fight to the death!” And so there was an epic cupcake between the old sauce crew, AJ, Chewbacca, and a banana with the slowpokes and bors and King when suddenly a WILD POKEMON APPEARED. It was CELESTIA, a fire/flying/magic type (the only triple type and was super rare seriously you couldn’t even get her from Nintendo events) and swooped down and said.
“HOLD ON GUYS. AS RULER OF EQUESTRIA I DERPMAND THE CANDY”
“Dammit stop butting yourself into every single chapter” whined AJ.
“Bllarwwwarggh” agreed Chewbacca.
“Deal with it. That’s one of the perks of being a sun-goddess and absolute dictator. Now about those candies.” And so Slowking was completely unable to stop the CELESTIA because she used sunny day and then fire blast and KO’d all the slow-people and so the old sauce crew was sad because they didn’t get any candy and Granny Smith would be disapoint. And Gary was disappoint because nobody likes Gary MOTHERFUCKING Oak.
Chapter Muffin: The Final Font Derpier
Fluttershy looked around quickly, it was dark out, tooooooo dark. But she HAD to be out in the dark, she wasn’t able to stay out in the day anymore, not after what happened the night before...
THE NIGHT SHE TURNED INTO A GIANT MECHA VAMPIRE TREE.
unlike most tales, she did not burst into flames when she was in the sunlight, no... It was much more embarrassing... She would... SPARKLE.
She nearly fainted the first time she saw this, her robotic legs allowing her to quickly run through the forest, but at the loss of her friends. She had also begun to grow in size, and now she could barely even get in her own house.
OUT OF NOWHERE, STEVEN MAGNET. Groomed to perfection, his magnificent, magnetically-inclined moustache multiplied many millions of monies. He was out on the prowl tonight, knowing that he mustache Fluttertree the Mecha Vampire Tree a preposterously difficult question: HOW DOES HIS MOUSTACHE WORK?
Ted WAS a magnet. So Fluttershy had a hard time avoiding him, with his magnetic abilities and powers, her metallic body was no match for it. Not at all... “Brick Get!” Exclaimed pinkie from an orange portal within his mustache, but Steve did not notice
Chapter Buzz: Suddenly, the Ponies had Changed
*clop clop clop clop*
It was no longer about parties and friendship. It was war. And war never changes. Or does it? Only this one invloedt by ponies and magical being and Chris Hansens.Friendship became but a tool, and love a weapone War never changes. Named primary ponies, followed by named background ponies, followed by unnamed background ponies, with cupcakes inside their bodies producing an abnormal friendship high. Sugar control. Pony control. Weather control. Friendship control. Everything is watched, and kept controlled by Celestia. The age of friendship had become the age of cupcake ponies. All in the name of adverting sadness and weapons of mass depression. And she who controls the sun controls history. When friendship is under complete control, friendship becomes routine.
♫ What a thrill, with friendship and cupcakes through the night. What a thrill, I'm searching and becoming friends with you. What magic in my heart, but you're so supreme! I give my heart, not for hatred but to you, my ponies. In my time, they’ll bee no one else. Magic is the way I’ll fly to you, my ponies. I’m still in a dream, my ponies! ♫
♫ Someday, you’ll break up a rain cloud. Someday, you’ll feed on a cupcake. To find friends, the trail to survive! For the day we’ll find new friends! ♫
Amounts of Fuck I give
♫ I give my heart, not for hatred but to you, my ponies. In my time, they’ll bee no one else. Magic is the way I’ll fly to you, my ponies. I’m still in a dream, my ponies! ♫
♫ I’m still in a dream, my ponies! ♫ Da da da daaaaaaa! My ponies... ♫
“If powerlessness is a sin, than is power a justice? Is revenge a sin? Is friendship enough for justice? Obviously not in this case.” Pinkie Pie uttered.
“Pinkie you created a time paradox!” Twilight Sparkle screamed.
“This is pony... isn’t it?” Pinkie Pie answered, grinning. Then Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie did an epic CQC hug.
“A cornered pony is more dangerous than a parasprite.” answered Luna, suddenly aware of the trap they had fallen in.
“What shall we do?” asked Dash in despair.
“I have a plan....” said Luna looking down at the ground. “Follow me, I know of a place.”
The gang then followed Luna to an underground bunker hidden in the middle of the city. “Ok,” Luna started. “We need to take back Equestria!!”
“WHAT?!” cried out Dash. “That’s impossible! Ever since the crackdown on unauthorized friendship. Celestia has gone completely insane! There are at least 1000 ponyguards!”
Pinkie said, unusually thoughtfully: “But without true friendship, the guards will be weak! We can use our friendship to take them all down!”
“Still, the guard ponies have been fed so many cupcakes, their power levels are off the charts!” Twilight Sparkle noted. “With that amount of sugar they will be completely unpredictable.”
“Indeed they will,” Luna replied. “Now who do we have with us?”
Twilight looked around and said, “Uhm, we have Rainbow, Pinkie, me, Applejack and Fluttershy.” Luna looked at Applejack and Fluttershy and asked them where they came from.
“We were just doin some patrols Luna!” Applejack cried. “Suddenly there were ponies and other creatures everywhere! They’ve gathered around Ponyville. It looks like a battle is underway.”
“I bet it’s about the cabbages.” Luna replied. “Something must be done about that.”
“It looks like it’s time to kick this revolution into overdrive.” Twilight smirked.
Applejack, Twilight and Dash walked down towards the now ruined Ponyville. It was burned down be the command of Celestia in the beginning of the end. Twilight sees a commotion happening in the town square and tells AJ and Dash to stay back at a distance. AJ and Dash nod solemnly and proceed to hide near one of the burnt out houses. Dash was still as energetic as always but the revolution had mellowed her. - “Darn,” said applejack quietly, “what the heck are they up to?” In the middle of the street there were large protests against some guards. “Please! Could everypony just calm down? We are aware of the shortage of food bu-”
Suddenly an explosion shook the nearby building, followed by a loud crash. To their horror, a pony left behind let out a great yell as the structure collapsed on her. Dust and debris were scattered everywhere. The Great and Powerful Trixie struggled under the rubble life ebbing from her broken body. “- Oh god!” cried out twilight and galloped towards the house. There was anarchy in the square, ponies were running everywhere and the the guards tried to calm them down to no avail . Twilight had made her way towards Trixie who called out to her in a uncharacteristically pleading and humble manor. Twilight managed to dig her out however the damage was extensive, and Trixie would be unable to survive the trip back. Twilight might have known a lot about magic, but this would require a miracle. “T-twilight..” Trixie coughed , “I’m not much longer for this world. I...I need to tell you something...” Before she could finish, Luna galloped up to the two of them, shoving her way through the still panicking m
ob. “What’s going on here?” She asked in panic, “I heard explosions so I made my way over here!” Twilight, still with tears in her eyes said that Trixie had been crushed in the explosion.
Trixie, now forcing out every word. She leaned up to Twilight and said in her ear “- I... I’m still a better magician..” and with that and a small kiss she slumped down to the ground.
Twilight stood up and could feel the anger in her. It was building up like a tidal wave. The death, it was so unnecessary. Almost without thinking her horn started to throb.
All her emotion was now turning into magic, magic ready to destroy. The plateau which the guards stood on she ripped out of the ground and threw them away like a children's toy. The Ponies had stopped running around and watched in awe as ground flew far, far away (Bam, zoom, straight to the moon!).Twilight was practically levitating; her eyes shined of bright purple light. As she continued onward towards the castle, she began to change. She grew in size as her form elongated. Her mane lengthened and flowed outward behind her, magic sparking and cackling off of it. She had taken on the silhouette reserved only for the rulers of Equestria, those no longer bound by simple life and death. Her talent was truly magic, so much so she had reached far enough to transcend a goddess. She few onward at greater speed, her sparkling aura engulfing all she passed. It was lunch break when the pegasi squad saw the enormous figure outside the window. Captain.(placeholder) ordered his troops to form up outside to combat the beast, and die for Celestia. The pegasi bravely charged straight into the beast’s magical maw vortex, fulfilling the order to the letter. Blood sprayed everywhere, as Twilight consumed their essences, further adding to her already overwhelming power. The entire castle shuttered at her approach, and upon the tallest tower, the tyrant stood defiantly. Her power had grown great with her insanity, with a wicked smile Celestia's flowing mane burned, her wings spread outward, and her aura grew to a size far greater than that of Twilight’s. “ Well well, it seems you have learned too well, my beloved pupil.” The castle began to crumble under her imposing vestige, the avatar of the sun let out a mighty roar, pushing Twilight back and toppling several towers. The avatar of magic responded with a massive beam of varying purple shades.
“That was whe- “ “Auntie Twixie!” exclaimed a small teal foal lying in bed. “I asked fow a bedtime stowy! Not a wecaw-wecah-weeconting of da gweat wah!” Trixie sighed and apologized to the young foal. The Great War was one of her favorite stories, especially when she embellished it with certain details, such as her own death, or being close to the current queen, Twilight. The story was a subject which was with her at all times. It lorded over her dreams and worked its way into her thoughts and stories. “I’m sorry pumpkin, well, I won’t keep you any longer with my old tales. I don’t think I have a bedtime story in me tonight.” She nuzzled the foal gently before trotting off. The scarred mare made her way outside where she looked up at the moon, which once again bore the face of a unicorn, it’s eyes glowing dimly. She sighed and looked off to the distant castle, and thought of things that might have been, and all those that where once lost. The Great and Powerful Trixie was no longer great and powerful. She had lost much of her horn and magic long ago on that fateful night, along with a chance at redemption in the eyes of the one now called queen. A single tear rolled down her cheek.
*clop clop clop clop*
chaper 8: We borked et
It was cloudy afternoon in the town of Ponyville. Me and my pony comrades were ordered to stop the Cabbages advancement towards Canterlot throughh Ponyville. The Cabbages want to take over Equestria and use the entire land for planting thier foul cabbages. We watched the residents of Ponyville evacuate the town before the shelling happens.
Me and my squad decided to play tic-tac-toe while rest of the residents evacuated. Hours later the town was completely empty except for the howling wind that graced Ponyville with it’s presence. Then the shelling began. Shells after shells of whipcream was pummeling the town. We found shelter in a tree full of books, eventually the shelling stopped and saw several Cabbages trapped in the whipped cream. We started to scout around the area until sounds of yelling and cupcakes flying filled the air. A radio transmission came in and told us to meet up with muffin squad. We meet up with muffin squad as they told us that they need to take out a Cabbage stronghold at the bakery. We cupcaked to the Bakery avoiding cupcake and cabbage seed fire at the same time. We made it to the bakery and burst down the walls only to find out that the door was rigged with geletine and we were caught.
The war was ravaging, hidden behind the fruits of the cowponies. Buffalo ate their pies, and the desert cried. John Madden met Rango and Applejack for the day to parry their enemies, the Dragonians of Offensia. Came upon the land was a rocket moose. He dared to challenge me with his spindlebloom, but I told him that I had Steven Magnet on my side and he chose to relinquish his act.
Deep within the straw bunker, literally straw, like hay straw, not drinking straw straws, a child wept. this child wept tears of joy at seeing ponies, just before the straw bunker was blown down from a stray pegasus pony trying to make the weather more suitable for battle. Crickets were cricketting. I told those damn British crickets to play real American games, but they did not listen. I stopped for a moment, considering if I should tell them to get off my lawn, but decided against it.
The northwester front raged on, it’s southnorthernly flank running parralel to the enemie’s eastwesternly main line. Toots roared across the land as gas warfare had not been developed. Instead these were audible toots, unyielding to the cries of ponies who were probably not going home...
CHAPTER NEIN: PONY TO THE FUTURE <-- LOL
Here comes another chinese/Japanese earthquake: brbrbrbrbrbrbrbr
nein nein nein nein nein nein
question mark exclamation point question mark exclamation point que-
The Doc looked at RD “Don’t move, if my calculations are correct, when this Pony hits 88mph, you’re about to see some serious manure” The Horse-shoe started to glow blue. A similar strange blue glow surrounded Pinkie as she raced toward Rainbow Dash. Rainbow stood her ground and prepared for the collision.
The Doc waited, ‘It should happen now’ he thought ‘It should be happening any second now, this very sec...’
The thought was not completed, but instead was engulfed by a mind-numbing experience.
Pinkie was suddenly cupcaked up by a blinding blue glow. For a split second the silhouette of Pinkie could be seen shrouded in a blue light aurora. A candy flavoured shock-wave hit the Doc and Dash just as Pinkie disappeared leaving flaming hoof-prints in her wake. An object was spinning on the floor, it was the cupcake. That cupcake was all that remained of Rainbow’s friend.
“1.21 Jiggawatts! What did I tell you!” The Doc obviously couldn’t contain his excitement. RD just stood in disbelief.
“But if she’s the cupcake now, what am I?” Doc didn’t think this one through completely.
“It seems I have inadvertently created an unstable, doomed timeline where Pinkie Pie is now a cupcake! Ok. Let me grab my spare horseshoes and set them to ‘Time Machine Mode’ instead of ‘Cupcakeifyer’ and you go back in time to stop me from doing this. Also don’t forget to invent johnny b. good and make your father less of a wimp.”
And so Rainbow Dash had an awesome 80s adventure and got to meet Cheerilee when she was super 80s and got to rock out on the guitar and even stopped Doc from inventing the Cupcakeifyer and with the help of 80s Doc, a sonic rainboom, conveniently plot-placed lightning, and a whole lot of great scotts, Dash made it back to Ponyville and made sure Pinkie was a-ok.
Chapter 10: The Colt Your Pony Could Smell Like
*clop clop clop clop*
The Old Spice pony cautiously approached Twilight’s Library.
“Hello Ladies.” he said, in his smooth silky voice. Also Apple Bloom is a cat now. He looked off in the distance, looking at something, possibly invisible, as if it were an audience. Oh god, sweet candy vagina.
“Look at me, now back at your colt, now back to me.” he proclaimed. A crowd had gathered, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Princess Celestia herself included. They looked to their men, then back to the old spice guy.
Pinkie Pie said “Bricks!” Silver pony hand catch.
“They aren’t me.” he said. This stunning realization put most of the crowd in tears, only the ponies with the strongest resolve steadied their weeping. Zebra, please.
“But they can smell like me.” the Old Spice pony reassured. This newfound information brought the ponies joy and happiness.
“If they stopped using their lady scented body wash and switched to Old Spice.” But there was no stopping the Apple Bloom Cat. In a split second, her and Opal transformed and unleashed a mighty torrent of raw, unfiltered apple cider vinegar onto the strange and mighty Old Spice pony.
“JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN!” he yelled with his dying breath. And before long, nobody in all of Ponyville could count backwards from 9.
“Nine, Nine, Nine” counted Rarity. HOLY SHIT, I’M A FUCKING PONY
“Nine, Nine, Nine” counted Applejack in return. It was a horrible day for all. The only thing the Ponies could do was weep... and cupcake.
CHAPTER ELEVEN: The Final Solution
Hitlerpony sat at his small desk in his small office in a small building in a small town. He was not happy with everything being so small like him. He wanted bigger things, he wanted to have p0wer, and to RULE over the land of Equestria.
But he would need followers...
Lots of them.
His secretary had suggested a small town in the middle of nowhere, Ponyville.
There he was assured he could find ponies for his campain. So he set for the long trip to Ponyville immidiately.
“Mein Plan ist to love all dein Ponies! Das ist mein Idea!” Hitlar rubbed his armchair greedily. But with love, and magic, the ponies of ponychan turned him into cupcake and made his hair look awesome. He was so TOOT.
But even as she soared through the sky, she realized that something was wrong. Something deep down inside of her drove her to return. “Twilight!” she thought to herself. “I can’t just leave her down there...all alone and bored.” So Rainbow Dash returned and the two ponies snuggled together.
Almost instantly after Hitlerpony received his new haircut of awesomesauce, Gordon Freemane and Chellie portalled into Ponyville from the Land Down Under. They had absolutely nothing to say, as their Robot Overlords gave them a dire command to NEVER SPEAK, as that would break the magic of their characters. Hitlerpony immediately gave them some cake, as he found this to be a GREAT SUCCESS.
Twilight Sparkle facehooved when she read the title of the book she was reading so she read the read again to cupcake while she read more reading. Xzi-Bit laughed and said, “Yo pony, I heard you like reading, so we put reading in your reading so you can read while you read.” Twilight facehooved again, and turned him into a Xbox.
THE XBOX WAS ALL EMPTY AND FILLED WITH SHITTY CHINESE RAINBOWS. AND PARADOXES.
Chapter Twelve: Luna Contemplates Donna Summers.
“What the pony hell is a Donna Summers?” Luna thought to herself as she paced around the room nervously. She was worried about the assassins who were coming after her because of a nobleman she accidentally sneezed on shortly after being freed from the moon, which she found odd, because sneezing on somepony was considered a sign of respect 1000 years ago. “What do you think I should do, Derpy?” Derpy rolled her left eye straight up, while her right eye drifted slowly in a south-east direction. “Um, why don’t you defenestrate an elephant in their wagons?” Luna facehooved. “Thanks, Derpy, your advice will help me SO much,” Luna replied with an edge of sarcasm in her voice.
Meanwhile, outside Canterlot’s Royal Palace, a certain pink pony was somehow playing a Nintendo DS with her hooves. Because the creator of Equestria was so baffled by how she was doing that, reality split open and a toaster fell out. “Ooooooo, a shiny thing!” Pinkie exclaimed as she picked up the toaster and started playing with that instead. Then Derpy flew by, shoved a muffin in both of the toaster’s slots, and flew off yelling “death to tyrants!” at the top of her lungs. Then the toaster exploded, throwing a great jet of flame into the air, as those were nitroglycerin-flavored muffins. Pinkie stared at the great plume of fire in a mixture of awe and terror as it set a low-flying gryffin on fire. “...Let’s do that again!” Pinkie practically squee’d as she hopped up and down. The burning gryffin then crashed into a KFC, which was convenient.
Commodification and Sensible Economy:
Up in the Moon Tower of Canterlot’s Royal Palace, Luna decided to uphold the creed of Majora, and punish Donna with the moon. Fluttershy was also there. She was the tree. This was a plotwist nobison had expected, but it didn’t matter, because shortly afterwards a lumberjack chopped down the Fluttertree while wearing suspenders and a bra.
CHAPTER CUPCAKE: CUPCAKE
Meanwhile, in Soviet Equestria,
It was a day like no other. Cupcakes, cupcakes everywhere. They were raining from the skies! Pinkie Pie was in full control of Equestria. Not a single pony could put an end to her rule. Until one day, a certain Derpy Hooves muffined! The Derpy Hooves combated the Pinkie Pie by raining muffins from the sky instead of the cupcakes. It was the sign to start the uprising. Ponies by the millions started coming up and over the nearby hills on the south side of Ponyville, all armed to the teeth and ready for the upcoming battle. As the rebels and the guards’ eyes all met, there was a silence on the field of battle. They were all there, ready to cupcake this once and for all. And then Pinkie Pie got into her show outfit and started singing about caring and sharing. And then they all fucked. The end. or not...
Chapter 12.18759: Ia! Ia! Celestia Ftaghn!
Cthulhu snored in R’lyeh, waiting for Celestia’s tacos to fall, again, from the place they fell last time. Nothing satisfies the craving for souls like a good old-fashioned taco, he thought to himself as he dreamed of puppies. Specifically crushing puppies in his monstrous envenomed claws. What he WASN’T expecting, however, was Celestia barging into his bedroom and demanding that he stop eating her citizens.
“I cannot allow you to continue this, Cthulhu, even if you ARE a Great Old One!” Celestia poked Cthulhu in his swollen gut with his horn. “What part of ‘Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn’ don’t you understand, mortal!?” Cthulhu groaned as he rolled out of his cyclopian bed. “The ‘funglooee muglwuhnaf Cthulhu R’lyeh wuganagel futagin’ part, obviously. I’ll have you know if this continues, I’ll have no choice but to declare war on R’lyeh, and we both know how much I enjoy killing things.” Celestia then had to duck as Derpy flew by at an incredible speed. “THE MUFFINS ARE TRYING TO EAT MY FACE!!!!” she screamed as she flew by at near-supersonic speeds.
As this was happening in R’lyeh, in the Equestrian town of Ponyville Lyra and Bon-Bon were preparing for a night of passion, but before they could do anything that would have to be censored, Rainbow Dash crashed through their window and knocked over an expensive vase from St. Peterspur. “Heh heh, sorry about that girls, I was trying out a new trick involving a Creeper, a filly-pool filled with chocolate pudding, and a Red Mage wearing a vest made of health potions,” Rainbow said as bits of vase fell off her head. “I haven’t gotten all the kinks out yet.” Lyra looked Rainbow Dash up and down, and said “I think me and Bon-Bon can help you ‘get the kinks out’.” Then they all mated, but no one cares about horse mating so let’s go check out something else.
MEANWHILE, AT THE HALL OF JUSTI-
Sorry about that. The people involved with writing this monstrosity of a chapter have been shot in the kneecaps, stabbed in the face, decapitated, burned to ashes, and dissolved in acid, before being formed into bricks. The bricks were then used to construct an outhouse, which was shortly afterwards deconstructed by Pinkie Pie for reasons unknown. -The Editors
MEANWHILE, AT THE LEGION OF DO-
And this writer was hung by his entrails and his corpse paraded through Canterlot. -The Editors.
Chapter Twelve 1/2: The Thing That Happened Before The Following Thing.
It was dark. Quiet. Ponyville was silent in it’s darkest hour, in the early hours of the morning. Only one pony stirred, walking quietly through town. She had walked these familiar roads before, but not as she was now. Her cloak was torn, tattered, and ruined. Her usually perfect horn was chipped and worn from practice. Her time to shine had come. The hat she wore bounced lightly in rhythm with her pace. As she reached the middle of town, she stopped. Using her mouth she calmly untied her cape. It fell to the ground, revealing her light blue coat. She began to concentrate, her horn glowing a faint purple. She began to strain, and it grew brighter and brighter still. As she braced herself on the ground, putting all of her effort into her magic, cracks began to shoot through the ground. They spread around her in a circle, quickly making their way to the edge of Ponyville. There, they formed a neat circle in the earth. A great cupcake went through the air, and all of Ponville began to rise. Slowly but surely, the town was lifted off the surface of Equestria.
As the pony steadied herself and opened her eyes to look at her surroundings, she began to laugh. A chuckle at first, but then growing into a dark, almost menacing cackle. “Yes... YES!” she yelled, looking around her. “Now, Ponyville, you will see! You will truly see how GREAT and POWERFUL I have become!”
CHAPTAR 12 7/9- THE THING THAT HAPPENED BEFORE THE OTHER THING
Twilight Sparkle quickly glanced from side to side, making sure nopony saw her as she dashed as quickly as she could to her library home. She was carrying a large bag on her back, and whatever was in it, she clearly did not want anypony to find out. Making it to the front door, she opened it and rushed in, slamming it shut being her and sighing in relief.
She dropped the large bag to the ground, opening it slowly to reveal a collection of rather large books. She quickly sorted through the pile of books and pulled out a specific one. It was thick, and had a completely black cover, no text could be seen anywhere on it. Spike entered the room, rubbing his eyes, “What’s with all the noise so early in the morning Twilight? I was trying to sleep..” But before he got an answer, Twilight zipped off right by him, slamming her own room shut.
She gently placed the book down on her bed, her excitement building up as she lifted the cover slightly, taking a small peek inside the book. She smiled at the contents and flung the cover completely open. The first page read, ‘Speedsters Gone Wild’. She nervously glanced around again, making sure she really was alone before turning the first page. The book didn’t even have an index, it just jumped right into the pictures, which disappointed Twilight sliuffinghtly. She was looking for a specific blue pegasus, but she would have to search the entire book, page for page to find it now.
Sighing, she cupcaked at the first few pictures, they were tame enough, just some Pegasus doing some silly poses. She quickly flipped to the next page, and the next, and the next. The pictures got more suggestive as she went through the book, but she still hadn’t found what she was looking for. After a few more pages, she quickly realized she was nearing the end of the book. Sighing in frustration, she turned another page, and her eyes suddenly widened. There it was, the second to last page of the book, an EXTREMELY inappropriate photo of... Gilda and Rainbow Dash? She stared at the picture a few moments, a small frown forming on her face. She never realized Rainbow Dash had such a... relationship with the griffin. She looked up at the ceiling, letting out another long sigh, when suddenly a rainbow streak shot by her face, and a loud thump followed quickly behind. Twilight quickly shut the book, and looked over to the blue pegasus who was now sprawled out on the floor in front of her.
“Hey Twilight Sparkle, fancy meeting you here.” Dash smiled painfully.
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight exclaimed, “Are you okay?!”
Rainbow Dash giggled, nodding slowly, “Yeah, just fine.. Though I can’t feel my legs. How are you?”
Twilight stared at her in shock, “Stay right here! I’ll go grab the nurse!” And with that she ran out of the room, almost forgetting to open the door.
Rainbow Dash waited for a few moments before slowly getting up. She could feel her legs just fine, but she didn’t want Twilight to realize she had been watching her the whole time. Slowly trotting up to the bed, she flipped to the picture of her and Gilda, and promptly tore it out. She was ashamed that Twilight saw this horrid picture, and planned on removing all evidence of it. Closing the book again, she flapped her wings a few times before rising into the air, and drifting over to the window. Looking back at the room one more time, she sighed and took off into the sky, the picture held securely in her mouth, heading back to her Sky Castle alone. She didn’t want to see Twilight at the moment... She just wanted to get away.
Chapter Thertean: THE THING THAT HAPPENED AFTER THE OTHER THING
Twilight Sparkle returned to her room with the nurse pony the morning after, but to her surprise, Rainbow Dash was no where to be seen. She sighed and turned to the nurse pony, “I guess she managed to get out after all... Sorry for bringing you all this way for nothing.”
The nurse pony nodded slowly, “It’s fine, I wasn’t doing anything at the moment anyway... Good luck!” And with that she turned around and trotted out of the library.
Twilight looked at the open window, sighing. Quickly remembering the book she left out, she was relieved to see it was in the same place. Trotting up to it, she opened it to the last page, eyes widening in horror when it was no longer there. Panicking, only one possibility raced through her mind, Rainbow Dash took it.
Shaking her had in disbelief, she quickly ran out of the library, passing Spike as he slowly walked up the stairs, and ran right outside, leaving the door wide open.
She knew exactly where Rainbow Dash’s house was, the only problem was getting there. High in the clouds, no pony but a pegasus pony could possibly get up there... Or could she..?
Quickly recalling the spell she cast on Rarity, she turned around and headed back to the library to concentrate...
And just then, Pinkie Pie BURST into the Library! “Hiya Twilight!” yelled the prancing pinky pony. “I hope you aren’t too busy but...” “PINKIE NO!” Twilight screamed as the spell erupted from her horn. When the magical light faded away, Pinkie was shocked to discover that both her and Twilight had grown beautiful wings! “ooo, wings!” said Pinkie Pie. “Just what I needed! Thanks Twilight!”
Rainbow Dash settled down in her comfortable cloud bed. The picture sat in the small trash bin next to her bed, crumpled up.
She regretting leaving Twilight before she came back, and crashing into her house in the first place... But it was all for the best. She rolled over onto her other side, jumping in alarm as Twilight stood directly in front of her. “T..Twilight!!! How did you get here?!”
Twilight flapped her two beautiful wings, smiling awkwardly at Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow Dash... I saw the picture... There was no reason to take it. ..”
Rainbow Dash sighed, turning back over to face away from Twilight, “You wouldn’t get it Twilight.. You wouldn’t get it at all...” A small tear ran down her face as she spoke.
Twilight took a step closer to Dash, shaking her head, “No Dash... I understand perfectly... Please listen to me... I love you.”
Rainbow Dash quickly turned back to Twilight, “Y..You what?” Eyes wide in disbelief.
Twilight Sparkle repeated herself, “I.. I love you Dash... I have for the longest time... I know things happened in your past... But we can keep that in the past!”
Rainbow Dash just stared at Twilight in disbelief, “Y.. You mean it..?”
Twilight nodded, “Yeah... I’m really sorry Dash...”
Rainbow Dash smiled and quickly got out of her bed, landing next to Twilight and giving her a small kiss on the cheek, “Well I feel the same way.. I’m sorry for breaking in and stealing the page like that... I know it was wrong I was just so.. ashamed.”
Twilight Sparkle blushed, smiling at her, “That’s alright... I’ve done some things in my past I’m not too proud of myself...”
Rainbow Dash giggled, “Oh, do tell~”
The two of them snuggled together and proceeded to share their pasts, things they were shamed of, and proud of, everything. They were both happy and they never hid anything from each other again.
Chapter 13.1415926535897932384626433832795028841: DERP, DERP NEVER CHANGES
“Ponies, ponies never change. Went through hell and back, go against the entire fucking nation..And what stops me..A fucking Earth Pony scumbag.” Panic entered my mind as I woke from my slumber, staring into the barrel of a gun. Behind the barrel was the mail pony that’s on pony wanted; Derpy Hooves. Cupcaking my eyes I prepare for my fate as the end draws near. “..But Derpy.” I muttered. “..Test your might.” (MORTAL KOMBAAAAT!!)
Derpy was not the smartest tool in the shed let’s say, so it really came as a shock when the most well known fighter in Equestria was in front of her. A muscular strange body was standing, on two legs and all, in front of Derpy, her face and mane Pink down her back. “Oh..You’re Pinkie Lee?...FFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIEEEEE-...”
“YOU ARE DEAD! DEAD, DEAD!”
The Pink Pony closed her book and looked at the group of her five best friends and smiled. “And that’s why I’m no longer allowed in Canterlot!”
DOUBLE TRANSITION of AWESOMNESS
“..How did I get here?” The Pony looked around the room with a confused look on his face..Wait. This didn’t cupcake right, like he was missing something..Transition. He’s in a bar, getting his groove on with some nasty mare, ohh yeaah. Now he’s on a horse. The stallion feels initial shock and begins to panic like fuck. “Wait..I’m already three levels deep! If I go any further I’ll be in limbo, where nothing makes sense and we’re..” The Stallion looked below him at the text that had appeared.
And then there was pie. Moist, delicious pie.
Chapter DERP: Derpy’s short story...
Derpy looked at her muffin, her eyes getting glassy. “I DONT want to see you in this Star Destroyer again! You have done enough Miss Hooves” Her muffin shouted. Derpy tried to protest “Muffin, my muffin satellite is Americas next top Steven Magnet”. It was no use, her muffin wanted her out so she complied.
TIME PASSES, Derpy gets a job at the Mail Place in Ponyville!
“DERPY! Deliver this package to one Miss Hooves please!” The post master called. “Well, okie dokie then!” replied a terrified Derpy. This was the one package Derpy had most feared to deliver. She had to face her mother again. Her mother answered the door and embraced Derpy before she knew what in the hell was going on. “I thought I’d never see you again! I just wanted you to be happy!” Derpy scowled and HOOFED HER IN THE FACE!
She cupcaked the package at her and trotted away. “MUFFIN!” she shouted back as she flipped her off with her middle hoof. Did you know they could do that? DER END
DIFFERENT STORY, I think... yeah it is.
DER END. Of Hitler. And Taco Bell. And Mon Jhadden. And time. And me, oh damn
Derpy headed off in the direction of GLaDONY’s mysterious underground lab. Except it wasn’t mysterious, or underground. GLaDONY was simply convinced that she was a hipster. It was located in an obviously unmarked slab of concrete right in the middle of Stalliongrad. “Hello Derpy. Welcome to the Hooferture Science Training Facility. May I remind you that April is Take Your Filly To Work month and that this is the perfect time to have her tested?” Derpy dropped the package off at the empty parking lot and headed off to where Dr. Whooves had last parked his TARDIS. However, the Doctor had only recently had a rendezvous with a Scottish colt whom he’d known ages and ages ago. Derpy wasn’t aware of this. In the least. She burst into the TARDIS and down the corridors, winding and weaving until the finally burst into the kitchen. Doctor Whooves was in there, but he had left to find that pesky black laced shirt... Derpy ran right past him as he left, not even sparing a glance at the good Doctor.
She then proceeded to empty Dr. Whooves’ fridge. However, when the good Doctor walked back, he saw only the worst of sights. His bekilted friend was harassing Derpy, screaming at her about the loss of his beloved haggis. “Och, ye wee lil’ wench! I oughta buck you out the roof and into ye wide yonder!” The Doctor cautiously walked in. “Jamie? Jamie, what are you doing to Derpy?” He paused, and he awaited an explosion, when all of a sudden, the colt turned around, as if nothing happened. “Oh, aye. She ate my haggis, Doctor.” The Doctor stood quietly, alternating his stare to Pinkie Pie gathering bricks, then to Jamie, then Derpy. “Derpy, dear. We don’t have all the money in the universe.” He turned around, sighed, and then turned around rapidly, his hooves clopping against the floor. “But we have a lot of it indeed! Forward! We shall go to Uzora 9! They have only the best groceries!” “Aye, Doctor!” “Yaaay!” Jamie and Derpy galloped out of the kitchen whilst the Doctor slammed the fridge door and trotted out in the direction of the console room.
Later, the Doctor, Derpy, and the young Scot were laying casually about the console room.
Outside, they were landing, with the usual vworp, near a convenience store on Uzora 9. “Now, Derpy, don’t eat anything here.” “But whai, Doctah?” “Because...Because I said so, Derpy.” “Okey, Doctah!” They proceeded into the convenience store. All of a sudden, the trio were greeted to a most romantic and seductive commercial serenade.
And the Doctor was instantly confused. Derpy derped. Jamie pulled one of his strange faces. Pinkie Pied. The Doctor warmly gave a cautious “hello”. Derpy was still derping, and Jamie simply smiled. As Derpy was still derping, the Doctor walked over to a cooler, pulling out several colourful drinks and dropping them into Derpy’s mailbag as she trotted up to him, smacking into several different racks full of different snacks and treats. Jamie, saint he was, had to clean up after her. The Doctor finished his raid on the coolers, and Derpy was wide-eyed. “Doctah, weef ga’t a lotta room left!” “Just ye wait until later, lassie.” “What Jamie said.” Derpy looked at the drinks in her mailbag. “Yummy!” The Doctor trotted over to the instant lunches. Jamie followed him, while Derpy flew right over the aisle. She stopped too soon and crashed right down into the hooks. “Owie! Doctah, I huwwt!” “Derpy, don’t do that.” “Ye’r quite daft, wee lassie, ye know that?” “What dous daffft meen?” “...Derpy, don’t push the matter.” Derpy got up, and the three looked at the (partially destroyed) instant lunch secton. The Doctor grabbed a pallet of instant ramen and squished it into Derpy’s bag, with Jamie to assist him. “Doctah, whai is you duuin that?” “...Derpy, dear, please?” “Okey dokey, Doctah!” Jamie sighed and kept his head up. The Doctor dashed towards the chips, Derpy followed, crashing into an endcap, sending numerous other snacks crashing to the ground. Jamie had to clean up again. By now, the whole ordeal was getting to the convenience store’s owner, and she was tapping her hoof on the counter. The Doctor grabbed a large bag of chips and tossed it into the Derpy bag. Jamie sniggered and threw in another while the Doctor wasn’t looking. At last, the Doctor and his road crew sauntered up to the convenience store counter.
“Finally you have finished. You have destroyed my property without reckon, you stupid little pony!” She pointed at Derpy, then glared at the Doctor. “Will there be anything else? Or will my misery have an early end?”
“Doctah, can weee get sum gah--” “Yes, ye may, Derpy.” “Yuu is nahwt Doctah!” Derpy headbutted Jamie. “Och, lady!” “Derpy, Jamie! You have got to stop that!” “Sowwy, Doctah.” “Oh. Aye.” The Doctor tossed the contents of Derpy’s mailbag onto the counter.
“Why yes, you silly little stallion. You must disrespect me as much as you possibly can!”
“Well, I didn’t quite see it that way--”
“Only this fine young--”
“Doctah, can wees gou nao?” “Derpy, ye daft little lassie!”
All was still. The Doctor slammed a wallet onto the counter. The owner gave him change. Jamie stuck the food back into the mailbag. The three left. And Derpy was in permaderp.
However, the Doctor and Jamie didn’t know she was until she collapsed.
Chapter 15: Full-life Consequences, WHAT HAS TOBE DONE
It was a dark and funky morning. A young Midnight Sparkle, who was Twilight Spark’s younger sister, was tired of always being in Twilight’s shadow. It was her turn to be the Super Saiyan! So she came up with a scheme to make her the most beloved pony in all of Equestria. She said “I will be the mightiest pony in the entire planet!” Midnight ramped off the roof and did backflips.
And then there was a song
John madden! John derpy mcmailman madden!
Why have you come here today?
Mrs hooves, lovely lady whooves,
I have a message for you today.
It’s to you daughter pinkie, when will she be here soon?
Silly mail filly, I’m always right behind you!
You gotta mail the mail, to see the mail
don’t just wag your tail
when you read the mail
you gotta write the mail,
or else’ll fail if I ever failed
and this pie’s parties have neverer nailed
parasprites onto a sail
that wound up all around the world
But dearie, you’re a girl!
Of course, I the Pie, am female!
what did you expect from a singer?
And then Pinkie Pie was a zombie goast.
Well, at least it’s an improvement!
Zombies don’t sing!
BRAINS, BRAINS, I won't lie,
I'll eat their brains 'til they're zombified.
Sure they might think it's deranged
But they won't give it a thought
After I've eaten they’re brain.
BRAINS, BRAINS, It's okay.
It's not a matter if it isn't gray,
And if at first they think it's strange,
they won't think twice
If they don't have a brain!
SUDDENLY! Rainbow Crash OUTTA NOWHERE!
“I am already Super Saiyan, Midnight Sparkle! You shall never be stronger than us!”
“But you are WRONG, Crash, for I have already charged up a friendship bomb, and it already detonated!”
And then Rainbow became friendship.
BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!
If you order NOW NOW NOW, you’ll get a SECOND Chapter Fifteen ABSOLUTELY FREE! Just call YOUR MOTHER with your credit card NOW NOW NOW DO EEEEET and you’ll get TWO count ‘em TWO Chapter Fifteens for the price of one! Your brain’ll melt out so thin, you’ll be able to make BILLY MAYS out of it!
and then Vince was a brony.
CHAPTER 16 28/99999999999999999: HOLY CRAP JAPAN IS SO AWESOME
Twilight Sparkle walked into the library and called Spike, asking him if he ate her sandwich. Spike replied with some conscience whatsoever that he was her sandwich. Twilight then proceeded to eat Spike. Then reality changed forever. Fluttershy walked in with a sky tank and rocket lazers. After her midnight cullings of random points in Equestria, she always needed the cupcake for some plant food and water. She then responded TWILIGHT WHAT ARE YOU DOING. And Twilight couldn’t talk because her mouth was full of sandwich. Then Pinkie Pie jumped in through the ceiling, exclaimed “Bricks!” and broke a ton of fourth walls GOD DAMN IT PINKIE YOU ARE SO RANDOM. Then they had a video game system installed and played football, football, football games all day long JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN FOOTBALL. Football and ponies in my opinion are the best thing ever. I will now rhyme a lot until the next chapter begins CUT AND PRINT THIS CHAPTER IS GENIOUS.
The cake lies.
Rainbow and Applejack ties.
And brotha, I hurt people
AND THE THE CEILING CRASHED ON THEM AND THEY WERE TRAPPED AND
UNABLE TO LOVE !
“NO” SAID TWILIGHT I MUST LOVE THE PARASPRITES!
“NO TWILIGHT YOU ARE THE PARASPRITES”
Then Pinkie Pie broke the fourth wall, again.
And then Pinkie Pie was gathering bricks again. “Bricks!” she exclaimed, as she loaded up her wheelbarrow.
CHAPTER 17: ZORK and Pony Pals
Once upon a time, there was an ugly griffin named Gilda. She was so ugly that everyone died.
Then Pinky Pie partied through the night.
OR WAS IT?
Yes it was.
Gilda, Destroyer of Worlds had wreaked havoc once again
The End (again).
CHAPTER 18: A BUNCH OF EXPLOSIONS FOR NATURE BLOSSOM (and believe me, they are Still Apony)
Boom boom boom, Explosion, BOOM BOOM, Crackle. Fizzle, sparkle, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, even brighter than the- *dies* OH SHIT I LOVE COCKS
NOT ENOUGH EXPLOSIONS!!! FWACKOOOOM!!
THWACK THWACK THWACK GOES MY EXPLOSION!!! MEGAN FOX’S TITS
The Explosion exploded with the force of a thousand million Explosions!
The rice krispy elves were there and their names happened to them.
Explosion Commotion aw aw aw aw yeah~~~~~~~
I used to wonder what explosions could BOOM
Until you dropped a bomb on me (AND BOOBS)
Tons of BOOM (AND BOOBS)
A beautiful sight hot and big
Sharing explosions it’s an easy feat
And bombs make it all complete!
You have Explosions Commotion
Do you know you are my very best BOOM
(Can you do that? Can you explode...twice?) (yes)
THIS CHAPTER IS SO LOST
YOU CAN’T READ IT
AND NEITHER COULD TWILIGHT SPARKLE
THAT’S WHY SHE DIDN’T.
And then she died.
Twilight Sparkle knew what she had to do. Using her horn she gored Rainbow Dash and violated her corpse. Everyone reading this began to cry. Then I got yelled at for not spoilering grimdark.
And then Derp found more muffins and exclaimed “Muffins!”
Open the door.
Get on the floor.
ERRYBODY KILL A DINOSAUR!
Interlude: A message from our sponsor.
Do you need something sent but are too dumb to use e-mail? Well We have the solution for You! It’s called “Chuck Norris” or a gun. Either will work. If your still in bind I’m sure derp co. can find something to fit your needs. Just send us all your monies and we’ll get right back to you. Eventually. Really, we will.
Trust me. I’m a doctor. Yes that kind of doctor.
Now back to your regularly scheduled “story,” if browser can’t hold all these apthat’s ok with you.
Interlude With Lupus and Ponies (Interlude Vol. 2):
I’ve always been behind you, so I think we should meet. (LaLaLaLa)
I sharpen my friendship, so I’m gonna use it (Oh Baby Oh)
I’m gonna smother you with my love, forever and ever, also forever
Rainbows & ponies & cupcakes baby, is what I mean to provide
I know together we’ll make the possible, totally impossible
If you want me I’m yours, and even if you don’t want me
I’m trained and licensed and armed to the teeth
I think you’ll agree
It’s so hard to apologize, so I’m just gonna skip it
Pony insomnia will make you a million
Did you just hear something crazy?
I got my hooves crossed you’ll catch something baby
Cuz I just threw myself at you
Everypony run and hide, I’m coming to find you
Is my face still bleeding? What is your problem?
By the skin of my teeth, that’s how I’m gonna drive you
On the good ship Lolligag, LSD and a bloody pile of rags
I hate to be the bearer of bad news,
...But I am
-Them Crooked Vultures ©2009, and Nick 2011
The power of Dave Grohl COMPELLS YOU!!! -Now back to the show-
Retpahc 20: Legends of the Users
This world was not meant for Rainbow Dash. How she got here was a mystery, Why, was also a mystery. But her tail was awesome and she could do awesome stuff with it, so that’s what she did. But that alone was not what she did, so she decided to be even more awesome and play the vidja games inside the crazy neon world with Daft Punk in the background all the time.
“Hey you mare. You’re not a licenced avatar. You’re performing illegal sick-nasty moves on the game grid so you’ll have to come with me to see the Master Control Pimp.”
“Yeah right you’ll have to catch me first” And so Dash speed off using her sweet-awesome neon wings whiles “derezzed” pumped in the back and tail and nopony on the game grid could catch her but then some dude with an awesome neon coat with a beard showed up on a motorcycle and said “What are you doing in the grid pony?”
“Who the hell are you?” replied Neon Dash
“I’m the Dude! I designed this place. Also, woah, a talking pony.” Neon Dash was a little confluttershy’d by this develoopment. Apparently there are weird bipedal talking monkeys outside of Equestia and they have awesome taste in neon.
“Well, DOOD, how am I supposed to leave the grid? And who is the Master Control Pimp?”
“Ah, well, for that first part, I can’t really answer that. Because I’m basically combining the plots from the two Tron movies, I’m trapped in the world I designed because MCP took over. See, I originally designed him to download virtual hussies and foxes and other euphemisms but he got too pimp-nasty-tastic for a lone Dude to take down so I sent an email to the Internet to send me the baddest dudes ever (who could probably rescue the president) and I guess that’s why you’re here now.”
Suddenly Applejack fell from the sky next to Rainbow Dash. “Did I get it this time?”
“Woah, another pony. Um, I don’t know what it is that you got, but if you’re here, that must mean the Internet thinks you’re a pretty bad Dude. Ok, so that makes three Users vs. one nasty Pimp. I think we have a good chance. Plus we got an awesome soundtrack to help: You might want to put this on repeat for our epic battles.
And so the two ponys and the Dude traveled around the game grid and eventually they met up with Tron who who is a pretty cool guy, heh kills viruses and doesn’t afraid of anything. Then they met Quora who all the fanboys drooled over but AJ couldn’t care less but it’s a little more ambiguous with Neon Dash (but I won’t go into detail. You probably have your own theories by this point). And so our merry band of travelers were traveling across the mainboard when suddenly AJ got the bright idea to send a message back to Celestia to tell her where they were so Fluttershy could stop crying.
“Well, uh, ok little pony, but since I sent out that email to the Internet, MCP has been hogging all the bandwith for his floosies. We’ll need to open up another port and to do that we need to talk to a really old program who sorta looks like this dude that I work with so it’s a little awkward but I can see that this is pretty important so we’ll go even though it’s a little out of the way.” So our merry band set off for port 999 to open a connection to the ponyville computer network to send Celestia a letter-email so everyone could chill the TOOT out ‘cause they got this. Unfortunately it was a trap because John Madden and Mark were there to trap them because port 999 was the most obvious port.
“Stop right there criminal scum! You’re under arrest for being too bad for a bunch of dudes.” And Neon Dash couldn’t fly away because she was still unsure about Quora and didn’t want to leave her (awwwwwwww) so they were all taken by John Madden to the IMPERIAL VIRTUAL FLAGSHIP the MCP-Soul Plane, piloted by a virtual Snoop Dogg.
“Y’all dudes are too bad even for the pimp-daddy MCP himself so he’s planning on assimilating your dudeness so that he can be the most fly sentience in every plane of existence....’fo sheezy.”
“Can’t let you do that Snoop Dogg!” and Wolf O’Donnell from out of nowhere came down and started blasting everything.
“Oh, that’s right. My N64 emulators...I never uninstalled it. Sweet.” said the Dude. “Let’s use this time to get outta here man.” And so while John Madden, Mark, and Snoop Dogg were distacted by lazers the Users and crew went to an escape pod and lol and behold it crash landed right in front of MCP’s “message parlor.”
“So y’all saying that this here’s where that feller who’s been giving you all this trouble is living? Seems a little...uh...sketchy for a meglomaniacal porn-torrenting program.”
“Well, wherever he lives, I’m ready to kick some tail!” And so Neon Dash flew in to the parlor without even thinking which is what she usually does even though everyone told her to just wait. Inside Neon Dash discovered a giant red pillar wearing a pimp suit and purple shades along with a hologram of a cane floating next to it and dancing honies everywhere.
“Now who ‘dis walking in unanounced into the lair of the great Master Control Pimp?”
“I’m Neon Dash and you need to stop hogging up all the bandwidth with your porn so AJ and I can return home, and probably also the Dude too.” Dash then tried to kick the Master Pimp, but silly pony you can’t kick a giant spinning hologram so she just flew off to the side.
“All y’all ponies be trippin. I need this bandwidth for mah honies you hear? How else am I supposed to get ‘mo honies?” At this point everyone caught the fuck up with Neon Dash and made it into MCP’s chamber.
“Excuse me, but you could always disregard bitches and acquire currency,” chimed in Tron, who before this point hadn’t said anything important enough to write about.
“Hmm, you make an excellent point my fine fellow program...” and at this point MCP was distracted enough for Tron to throw his Neon Frisbee at him and scored a CRITICAL HIT because Tron likes to play Frisbee golf in his spare time.
“AAAAAHHHH! Snoop! Help meh!” and so Snoop Dogg reappeared because he was able to stop that lame Wolf.”
“Yo dawg I heard you like disks in your disks so I put pony in your pony so you can clop while you clop.” he replied back. And with that Snoop was granted all the pimptastic powers of the MCP and we had an EPIC SHOWDOWN ON OUR HANDS. Tron was trying to use his disk but it was ineffective. The Dude couldn’t do anything. AJ tried to kick giant Snoop’s legs but he kicked her and lolled. Neon Dash finally recovered and said “Enough of this shit” and started charging up a Sonic Rainboom.
“Take this: my love, my anger, and ALL MY FRIENDSHIP! SONIC RAINBOOM!!!” And with the spirit of all the friendship in Equestria, Neon Dash performed the Super Sonic Rainboom and punched a hole straight through Snoopaloop and so he died and so did the incredibly pimptastic powers of the MCP and the red pillar disappeared and all that was left was a creepy old porn program with a foot fetish.
“Well, looks like the ports are starting to clear up again!” exclaimed the Dude, who then promptly deleted the former MCP because he honestly was a little embarrassed. “You’re going to have a lot of work to do Tron. I’m pretty sure MCP forgot to assimilate an anti-virus program when he was downloading all those skanks.” And so AJ and Neon Dash (who’s now Rainbow Dash because you can’t be neon outside of a computer) were able to go back up through port 999 which turned out to be Spike’s Crush, Rarity’s mouth because she had wireless internet.
“Applejack, why’s Rarity so upset?” Dash asked.
“Ah donno, sugarcube, maybe we’ll find out in the next chapter?”
“Sure, worth a shot.” Rarity cupcaked them all as she returned to get a thrid pony pedi. For that hour.
Chapter -3.14159265: An unrelated matter
She was having that dream again. That creepy man standing there with his odd mustache and egg-like stature. He faced her and spoke: “Sonic fell for it, Tails is ours! I’ll have to give my self a PRRRRRRROMOTION!” Rainbow Dash shrieked and arose from her bed, heart pounding against her chest. Realizing it was only a dream, she wrapped her arms around Sonic Von Hedgehog and fell back to sleep. Then a creeper came out and blew everything up.
Mr Minecraft was not happy that his Meatboy vacation had ended so abruptly.
“That cupcaking musclekarp!” exclaimed Mr M, sitting on his treebed, wondering what he would do now. “Once again those bloody pokémans and their fires have burned down my wonderfull fortresses of wood, WHOM EVERYONE KNOWS IS THE GRRRREATEST BUILDING MATERIAL EVER!” He then proceeded to do the most outrageous thing a minecrafter could do. He GRIEFED the pokémans! Of course, this pissed Red off so much that he sent his entire stock of musclemons at Mr Minecraft. Everyone died. ExThe END. IN RED. CAUSE OF THE BLOOD. IT’S YOURS, BY THE WAY.
CHAPTER 21-OFF ELEVENTY TWELVE: WHEREIN I PLACE A BUNCH OF RANDOM WORDS FROM THE DICTIONARY THAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND ITS ALL FOR MY ENGLISH HOMEWORK
COVERT FLANK JOY
Kew Kew Cashew, what’cha got there?
Come on guys we need to explore!
I am rarity!
The double Trio: Starring
Silly Salted Applejack
enjoy your plot bunnies
CHAPTER +6 idk what to call it
Pinkie pie gets diabeetus and dies. also she killed rainbow dash and made her a cupcake. Now they have lesbian pony sex in the afterlife. Also twilight sparkle sucks.
Why can’t i hold all these chapters And Pinkie Pie didn’t know since she has a hyperspace arsenal where she’s been storing bricks.
Suddenly Twilight grabbed her glowing lightsaber and was all like “Something, something, something...dark side”
And Pinkie Pie was all like “that is soooo Twilight”.
Admiral Flutterguy, our cruisers cannot repel the firepower of that magnitude!
“IT”S A TRAP!”
Eeeeyup, said first officer. Its time to unleash our last Battleship Ponymkin.
“Bring commander Pinkie on the screen!” said Admiral.
“Pinkie Pie reporting on wootsie dootsie!” came the answer.
“We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering. You ask, what is our policy? I will say: It is to wage war, by sea, land, and air, with all our might and with all the strength that Celestia can give us; to wage war against a monstrous tyranny never surpassed in the dark, lamentable catalogue of pony crime. That is our policy...” But Pinkie interrupted:
“Yeah yeah i got ya! How about song? “
“A battle song is fine too!”
Then commander of Battleship Ponymkin cupcaked massive space speakers with power of 19,898 Niggawatts. As troops of Twilight Empire prepared to be blasted, the song began to play:
Wake up In the morning feeling like a pony
Open tab, go to /chat/, turn someone into a brony
Before I leave, grab me with, Apple the Jack
‘Cause when I leave to some chans I ain’t coming back
Posting some neat pictures
Trolling thousands of wiggers
Make fun out of hipsters
*Toot toot toot*
All of your failing GET threads
With awesome rainbow dash sets
Spreading magic through the neeeeets
Make ‘em drop
Ponies blow your channels up
They gonna fight
And the /b/ can’t do it right!
Because it’s Friday, Friday
Gonna get down on Friday
whips her flank back and forth
whips her flank back and forth
END SIDE ONE
FAPTER 22: FRIENDSHIP IS SPARTA, OR SWEET MEMES ARE MADE OF THESE, OR DR. WHOOVES: THE PONY, THE LEGEND OR TRANSUBSTANTIATION AND THE HISTORICAL OBJECT
Who am I to disagree? I’ve traveled Equestria and the seven seas. Everypony’s looking for somethin’. EVERYBODY READING THIS FANFIC WILL BE FIRED. After Twilight read the last sentence, her face derped for nearly 2.5 seconds, right before she evolved into Rapidash. This caused cupcakable muffins. And then there were chimps even though everybody called them monkeys. The chimps ate some of the muffins, naturally, and were very offended by the allegation that they were monkeys.
Who the hell do you think I am?!Batman, maybe?
^---You’re doing it wrong! It’s like this, Candlejack, where are y
CHAPTER I FORGOT: ESTEEMED LETTERS TO PRINCESS CELESTIA FROM VARIOUS PONIES ACROSS EQUESTRIA
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned FUCK GRYPHONS! BURN THESE cupcakes!
The great fires of mount Mordor is sweating bullets into the hides of the innocent, causing untold happiness in ponies everywhere.
The reckoning shall come and YOU. SHALL. FALL.
Love you, <3
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned it’s not a sin watch a show for its plot.
<insert plot picture here>
Your faithful student,
Chapter ATHF: Enter the Carl by NoPonyMan
Carl woke up in his usual manner, face down upon his filthy bedsheets littered with empty beer bottles with a hand shoved down his pants. Groaning as he slowly peeled himself off his bed, which had apparently fused with his skin overnight, he rubbed his eyes and headed into the bathroom. Looking himself over in the mirror, he smirked.
“How’s the champ feeling this morning, huh? what? You a little groggy after that wild night? Heh heh, Well its time to man up once more, ‘cuz we’re gonna do it all again TONIGHT!,” Carl boasted to his reflection.
Leaving the bathroom, because hygiene is for women and sissy boys, he decided to see if his freak neighbors were up to their stupid shit again. Carl groaned again as he remembered all of the times those aqua dick hunger douches put him into deep shit; hell, they had gotten him killed on more occasions than he would like to count. Every single time he ended up in Hell, and Satan, the prick, always saw it to be a more fitting punishment for him to be sent back to New Jersey, back to those god-forsaken mutant neibors of his.
However, Carl couldn’t help but feel something wasn’t right, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. So out of sheer morbid curiosity, Carl made his way over to the window, the one that gave him the best view of his badass pool; he figured he’d see Master Shake and Meatwad splashing about in it, like it was theirs (and it was certainly wasn’t). Carl didn’t like what he saw. He didn’t see his pool at all, it was like it had vanished into thin air. For a while he simply stared at the empty space his pool had previously occupied, blood frozen in his veins; then, as if someone had come and lit a fuse inside of him, his blood began to boil. Frankly, Carl was pissed.
“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY FRICKIN’ POOL!?”
Carl proceeded to stomp towards his front door, eager to tear into the sentient foodstuffs that he had the displeasure to call his “neighbors,” he was going to rip the straw right of Shake’s head and shove it far up his ass. This was such a pleasent thought that Carl didn’t notice anything amiss (aside from the pool of course) when he stepped outside. Carl soon regained enough sense to observe his surroundings; another wave of incomprehension struck him. His car had gone missing as well, and it didn’t end there, the entire town had apparently vanished. It became apparent to Carl that he was now smack dab in the middle of an entirely different town. The familiar, run-down houses that he had once been a part of were replaced with newer, brighter, and frillier houses. The houses weren’t what had stupified Carl however, and neither was the tall sign that identified this unknown neighborhood as “Ponyville.” No, it was the inhabitants that had occupied most of Carl’s attention.
Ponies. There were ponies everywhere.
And not the regular kind of ponies either. These ponies looked like they came straight out of a children’s cartoon, what with their big eyes, unusual color schemes, rounded faces, and tattoos on their asses. Carl would have found the tattoos to be the most ridiculous thing about them, if they weren’t going about their business like a normal person would. These ponies were talking with each other, buying clothes and food from shops, RUNNING shops, and generally doing all kinds of “human” things. Carl only had a few choice words to accurately describe what he was feeling at the moment.
“You have got to be frickin’ kidding me...”
Faced with the impossible situation before him, what will Carl do? WIll the ridiculousness of his predicament drive him to take his own life in sheer rage? Will he unleash a hellish torrent of violence and foul language on these peaceful ponies? Or will Carl form unexpected bonds of friendship with the residents of Ponyville? And what of his neighbors, the Aqua Teen Hunger Force? What has become of them? Find out next time on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Vs Aqua Teen Hunger Force Vs the Universe Z: Turbo!
CHAPTER TWITTY-TREE: How to make Applebloom Soup
Chapter 24: A story
The sun was shining, and all was well, in the magical land of equestria. As we fly across the lands, watching the many fantastic sights. One city stands closer to home then any other... Ponyville.
Ponyville is a very special town, well when it was a town. But 1000 years gives a town to grow in size, many times over. But how did this growth come to be? Well 1000 years ago, when your lovely pony friends split up, to each and they’re own. Twilight was one of the few who decided to stay. She wanted this town to grow, to last forever, and ever more.
Lucky for Ponyville, organisation, is Twilights best subject, and for several months, she just carried on the plans for future Ponyville. She had to take in consideration, that earth ponies also had to live here. This would be a city the would stand taller then Canterlot.
In the center, there would be one spire, the tower where the sun and moon always shines. Around in an hexagonal shape would the rest of the city rest. All divided into neat organised parts. One for residency, one for Agriculture, one for old Ponyville, one for the many shops and stores, and much much more.
Of course, building this c-BOOM! came a rocket all the way from chapter Ate!
chapter mini: phenomenology and substantialism
I didn’t write a chapter so here’s my chapter. Once upon a time Spike from Cowboy Bebop and Spike from MLP:FiM joined forces to kick Gilda’s butt. They roasted her over an open fire THE END.
And it was GLORIOUS! (I am ACT-ING.)
CHAPTER RANDOM: RETARDED POP REFERENCES FULL STEAM AHEAD
So I was at a bar in New York and a all of a sudden out of nowhere theres this pink pony getting wasted at the bar. So I just sat down next to her and be all like “Why are you a pony?” and she’s all like “I’m not a pony I am a Pinkie Pie.” And I was like pft whatever. But then the pony turned into the incredible hulk and punched me in the balls. But I had my balls replaced with a warp hole and sucked the steroid induced pony up. But then spider-man came next to me and said “Bro, not cool.” Then I was all like “cool”. So I let the pony go and she said it was time for “PARTY” and I’m like all AWWW YEAH BOI. So we were partying with Batman and Speed Racer until Goku came in through the wall riding on a purple unicorn and he started blasting spider man with his laser beams from his hands. And I was like all LOL NOPE so I turned into a glass of water. But the purple unicorn turned me into a fan, which blows. All of a sudden the King of America came in and told me he wanted to make me the president of Guam. So I’m like cool I guess, but can I make guam bigger? And he’s like LOL NOPE.
So here I am in guam and I told this yellow pony with wings that she was a bitch and she killed me with her killer rabbit. But I was immortal so it was okay. I went back to my office typing funny shit on 4chan until ponies started popping up on 4chan and that made me angry because I don’t like it when people enjoy things. So I told them all they were all fags but then Batman came in and cupcaked my ass saying “PONIES ARE FUCKING AWESOME”. Then I realized ponies are fucking awesome. The End... also I took doc’s delorean and sold it for hookers and blow. Sorry....
Chapter 25: Between a Rock and an Anaconda
It was over. Twilight knew she had the goblins beat, but perhaps the price was too great. Twelve other of the things and fallen down into the thing and now what? All of those things, so deeply down in the thing was simply unacceptable.
Her eyes turned back to her foes; green, small, pants covered in their own feces as they gibbered eternally about trees or something. Who knew what they were saying? Perhaps it didn’t matter. She rose her horn, and a tragically phallic beam of light exploded from the tip, striking one of the creatures and exploding it into a shower of gore and party favors. Quietly she reminded herself that she would have to save one of the miniature candy bars for Pinkie. And some nachos for Fred Fredburger.
Around that time was when the anaconda appeared. Slithering out of some horrific nethershadow came the largest snake that Twilight had ever seen. And Christ, did it look pissed! I mean, look at the thing! It’s huge! A snake! Shit! And its crawling straight at her oh god what should she do help!
And then, out of seemingly nowhere, the creature turned. Its enormous jowls opened, and out spewed countless wrenches, like an endless waterfall of bullets hailing down on the trolls or whatever the fuck they were. They screeched horribly, pelted with heavy metal tools and perhaps screaming in their indecipherable retard-tongue to their gods! BUT THE GODS WOULD NOT HEAR! THEY GAVE ONLY DEATH. AMEN. AMEN FOREVER AMEN.
Then the chapter ended, and pinkie found bricks and exclaimed “Bricks!”
Chapter Twenty-Sex: Phil Collins
1000 years ago Princess Celestia created Equestria and gave the land such wonderful gifts. The land, water, the pokemon, and the very air you breathe are all gifts from the great Princess Celestia. Princess Celestia then gave the land the gift of light and not being frozen as she created the sun for us all. Princess Celestia then took some earth from the land used it to create the earth ponies. But she was not content with just the earth ponies as she ripped the wings off some birds and made the pegasi. Then she said “abra cadabra” to create the unicorns. The 3 new races hailed Princess Celestia as their new leader and would serve her FOREEEEEVEEEERRRR. Steven Magnet was here.
The ponies then built villages across the land. The unicorns founded Canterlot as their city of magic. The Pegasi founded the sky city of Cloudsdale and committed themselves to the weather of Equestria. The earth ponies founded several towns across Equestria and tended to the lands. Even though the ponies loved the day, there needed to be time for rest. So Celestia formed unused land into the moon and used the moon as a symbol that it’s time for the ponies to rest. And if they went out, they would be eaten by werewolves. This gave birth to Luna who could control the moon. Celestia decided to take Luna in as her sister and they would rule Equestria together.
Things were peacful for centuries but only because the griffons had control. “Give us the juice lady, and nopony gets hurt you see?” The Pink pony put on some shades and hoofed off the griffon. “You want the rock? Well Griffy baby. I FUCKING LOVE COCAINE!” That was the start of a chapter of her life, and a cupcaking of a legend, of Pinkie Montana.
[Any complaints that this is being false history will be punished by law.]
WTF I CANT WRITE ENGLISH GUESS YOU ACTUALLY WILL UNDERSTAND SHIT
“Hey Rainbow, want another sip?” Jay asked, smiling to Rainbow Dash.
“Sure Jay, right after I eat these shrooms.”she replied happily, shoving the shrooms in her mouth. They were the most beautiful mushrooms Dash ever saw. That glossy texture, the deep hue of red and the sporadic white spots on it mesmerized the pegasus. “Wh- Mmm- mi volt ebben a cuccban?” Jay and Bob were so baked they didn’t even know that they couldn’t understand what Dash was saying. “Ez nem jó... nagyon nem...” Thinking that this was not good, Rainbow Dash went to the bathroom to use the oldest trick in the book about how to cure food poisoning. The sound effect can describe this well enough: -UEGGH BLOARF SPLASH-
After she was done, she tried to speak yet again. She thought, that her name would be perfect to test if everything returned to normal. “R..Rainbow? D..dash?” After hearing her own name, she let out a sigh. “Milyen megkönnyebbülés.” After she didn’t actually say what a relief, she took a deep breath in her suprise. GUESS SHE HAS BRAIN PROBLEMS NOW :3
After that, she went to live with Derpy and the two of them lived babel-y ever after and Taffeta gives Rainbow Dash a blonut. Who is Taffeta? Well she was a grandmother at 37 if that tells you anything.
disclamer: lingua mushroom does not exist, and if it does, it's not called that. And its effects may make you think you're speaking in a foreign language, it is in fact, not so.
As the smoke entered the stallions lungs he couldn’t help but look up and stare at the clouds. Exhale. “Dude..I think there’s text appearing above us man.” Stoney was sort of freaking out here, I mean why would text appear above them? Unless..Uh oh. “No dude, I’m really freaking out here man. I think we might of like..Y’know bro..Crossed into a alternate timeline where energy is linear and the only way forward is to advance the realms like a video game, y’know what I mean man?...Man?” Stoney looked to his Pink comrade in smoking awaiting her reply. “Z̵̥̖̪͎͙͎̞̘̙̄̓͜͟A̲̹͚̱ͮ̆͑ͨ̔̎͛̚͟L͎̬̟͎̙̒́̑̉̓ͦͮ̃̉̀G̵̶͍͎̮̙̱̹̅ͤ́ͅÔ͇̳̟̦̲̹̊͐̄̚͟ ̨͚̤̣͕̺̫͒̾ͬ̓H̦͊͒̌̏A͉͓̬̞̼̻̅͋͐́S͙͍͔͂͐ ̰̯͎͕͖̬ͬͮ͌ͧͨ̓́͞Ą͎̭͉̆͑͆ͤͬ̒̉R̯̹̙͎̭͖̤ͥ̄̎ͥ̂͌͊̕ͅRͫ͋́͏̡̗̥͈͕I̪̭̫͊̌͠V̛̤̎ͧ́E͙̻͇̖̟̭̒ͦ̔͗D̛̤͕͖͉̻̟̗̼̙ͤ̏ͮ̑ͣ̂ͫ,̨̭͕̱̫̺̙͑͛͆̍͢͠ ̛̭̤̱̠̓͆̀T̷̪͖͎̯͌̋͘O̹̬̻͙̙͙̲ͫͮ̍͐ͭͬ̆ͤ ̟̳̹̱̰͆͆͑͂̉͛ͯ̅ͥṪ̼͓̫͖͖ͤ̐͘͞͠A͈͚͓͔̻̤̱̔̓͜K͔̱͇̪͋̔ͤ̀̂̚͟Ê̴̳̞̥ͣ͑ͪ̚͟͞ ̨͚̙͗̄̄̄̀ͦ͋̊C̡͕͍ͫ͊̔̓̽͆̚͜Ȯ̲͔̟̤̈͌͑ͬ͊̇̓̅!!Ṋ̸̝̻͍̜͖̃̐͝T̂ͩ͐ͮ̈́҉̥̝̺͍R̲̲̦̼͈̉ͪ̀̕͝ͅO̫̗͉̥̗̝̜͆ͦ̆ͬ̌̓͡ͅLͪ͐ͦͨ͊ͩ͐͏̶̪̭̞͔̪̥̠̙ͅ ̦̖̗̮͚͉͙ͩ͌̌̅͘͠ͅƠ͍͓͚̱̻ͤ͆͛ͅF̣̟̪̠̻͓̳ͨͮ̊̾̀̌͑ͮͅ ͙̖̝̳̝͉͎̏͞T̒̎ͣͯ͏҉̯̖H̫̖͔̙̼͂͐̎̔ͦͪ̓ͧ̓ͅI̴̗̱̣̥͉̖̮̙̍͂̽̓̚̚̕̕S̼͔̹͙͔͛̑͌̽ͯ̓̈͜ ̶͚̣̹͕͚̔͊̽̿ͩͧͨF̯̖̘̗̞̈́ͣ͗ͭͬ̆ͨ̚͜͢A̗̻͈ͯͩ̒̎ͦ̚͢Ň̵̟͉ͥ̓̄̾F̢̩̣̱͇̤͋̾̽͆̚I̿͊͌̇ͭ̽̐҉̮̹̟̭͉͚̭͍͚C͔̼͙̗͍̫̮̰͋ͣ̒̓̄͡T̀͊̔̇̂̄͆͏̬̙̺̺I̛̥̘̗͈̙͓͕͉ͤͫ̈́̍̾̅ͤͅO̱̣̳̟͔͖̿̄͐̍̐̆Nͬ̎̊͊ͬ̃͆ͪ҉͡͏̺̤.̣̩͊̊̇ͥ̀̾̆̀͊͘͟
̸̵̞̪͇̼͈̠̱͌͐̄̽̚͠Y̳͚̟̖̲̩̙̬ͯͣͨ̔̈́̄̚͜͟Ǫ̶͓̫͚ͬͫ̏̔͛̽̆ͨ̓U̴̶ͣ͗̀̽́̓҉͕̰͔͕ ̲̤͍̼̱̲͊͌̓͡W̱͕̤̗̹̓̑̈́́̽̊ͥ͜I̜̘̫̯ͨͬͪL̺͕̭̰̮̹̙̂̊̉͊͘͢L̴̻͈̼̩̩̜̫̇̂ͭ̓̂͆ͣ̄ͅ ̵̨̨̪͔̞̜͋͆̑O̴̡̜̩̭͗̂ͯ̉ͪ̒̈́̕B̗̭ͨ̋̎̏Ḛ̛̯̯̪̥̖̮͔̀̈́̆ͭ͞Y̴̤̍ͧ̒̏̂͆̽ ̛̮̦͖̤̆ͬ̉ͥ̿ͮ̿̓̌ͅO̵̼͎̺̫ͮ̕R̅̾̐͗̈́͢͏̻̻̖̣̗̪̣ ̴̵͖̺̻̾̽ͣ̈́ͦ̑ͤ͋Y̍̀ͫ̇ͥ͒͊͌͒҉̣̝̝͟͡popO̩̟̼̬͔͇̦̗ͮ͂ͤ̔̐͠U̡̜̥̫̦͇ͨͬͤ͠͝ ͤͫ͌̏̀ͬ̊͏̵͎̹̻̙͖̪W̱̘̲̔ͩ̾̐́̚I̴̖̫͓͙̭̱͓̗͆ͪ̇̀ͫͧ̒͢L̢̛͓̯̪̞̤̮̓͑͆ͦ̒lolL̰̤̞̼̜ͥͩͤͦ̋ ̧͒͒̀҉̘̝̙̲̮̠T̟̞̮̤̈ͥ͒̋͛ͭ̃̃͌͠O̮̝͓̖̿͌̇ͯ̿̌̅̉ͮ́O̸̖͔͈͎ͫ̏̓T̷̤̫̲͚̽̌͑̀”
Chapter 29: The Chronicles of Truffle Parts
Once there was a pony named Truffle Parts. She had brown fur and laser beams for eyes. She had hooves of steel and a nose of plaster. Her mane and tail were curly as hell and had pink, light blue, and brown streaks. Her cutie mark was of a pair of gears inside a halved truffle. She was a mechanic at the Ponyville Carriage Shop, and all day she would fix carriages, wagons, sewing machines, Derpy, and other frequently-broken things. She loved her job indeed. But she wasn’t happy with her uniform. So she stuck a couple hundred quid in her pocket and went off to see Rarity.
“Welcome...! We’re having a magnificent sale today! Buy 9000 get one --”
“Wahl, Raritay, I wuold shorr laiek to purchezzz uh fiene nyuw youuniffffourme.”
“...Excellent.” Rarity proceeded to make a uniform out of Spike’s skin. “Here’s the finest dragonhide suit we have.”
“I wauhnt eht in a beggar sizse.”
“But dragonhide isn’t easy to come by. That’ll be $300,000,800 plus the cost of hireing a dragonslayer.
“But Raritay, I dou naut have that mauch monaaay.”
“Then GTFO!” Then Truffle Parts shot Rarity with lazer eyes.
But that didn’t really happen. Truffle Parts was dreaming about becoming powerfull and respected pony, that shoots lazer beams when she roars. Saddly, she was only a mechaniac. After day filled with junk repairs she run towards her house, singing favorite song:
ooo OOOO oooOo
ooo OOOO oooOo
Jungle life, I'm far away from nowhere
On my own like Tarzan Boy
Hide and seek, I play along while rushing cross the forest
Monkey business on a sunny afternoon
Allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllways I wanna be with you
Make believe with you
And live in harmony, harmony
Then out of fucking nowhere, jumped the one and only Derpy H. Yelled at Truffle Parts like “Bad muffin bad muffin!” and ran away, forgetting apparenlty, that she’s a pegasus. Brain damaged pony was followed by ponyville security team and mayor herself. “Why is she running, mayor?” asked Truffle.
“Because we have to chase her”
“She didn't do anything wrong!“
“Because she's the hero Ponyville deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt her because she can take it. Because she's not our hero. She's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.“
*DA NA DA NAAAAAAAAAAAAA*
KAPITEL tjugoåtta: THE okänt språk.
Rainbow Dash tittade på rosa ponny, lust i hennes ögon, honslickade hennes läppar sexuellt leende. Den rosa ponny hade intesett henne ännu, och hon avsåg att behålla det så tills det perfektaögonblicket. Ett par minuter passerat, när plötsligt BOOM RainbowDash kom krascha in Pinkie Pie, knockign henne till marken.
"Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie Pie utropade glatt och log mot den blåponny.
"Förbered dig" Rainbow Dash viskade till ponnyn, bita hennes öralekfullt.
Pinkie Pie släppa ut en mjuk stöna, tagit compeltely av supprise,men inte kämpa alls. Rainbow Dash fortsatte att kyssa Pinkie på läpparna, och få några super heta tunga åtgärder som pågår.
De älskade hela natten.
Reeenboo Desh ves perffectly feene-a, yes, hooefer, zeere-a ves a sleeght prublem. Bork bork bork! Bork Bork Bork!
Hirtelen egy csomó magyar megették a svéd szakácsot.
And then, the chapter was totally invaded and raped for stupid brazilians.
BR! Then Derpy clopped to a pear tree. Metaphors!
Wi not trei a holiday in Sweden this yer?
See the loveli lakes
The wonderful telephone system
And mani interesting furry animals
A moose once bit my sister...
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the moose with the sharpened end
of an interspace toothbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an
Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian movies:
"The Hot Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Molars of Horst Nordfink"...
Mynd you, moose bites Kan be pretti nasti...
CHAPTURe 30 - YES
“Okay Twilight, where do you want me to put the plot?” Pinkie said. The purple unicorn groaned; how many times had she asked this?
“Plot goes there.”
“Plot goes WHERE?!”
“There!” She bellowed! The pink pony frowned for a minute, calculating this in her insane, soupy brain... And then, her eyes seemed to light up. She looked overjoyed, exclaiming, “OH! Bricks!”
Twilight breathed a sigh of relief.. But it quickly turned into one of defeat. Pinkie had dropped the plot of the story on the ground, shattering it into millions of pieces, bouncing over to a brick. She scooped it up into her mouth and cheerfully left. Poor Twilight slumped on the ground, hooves on her head, “Well.. I guess.. It wasn’t exactly coherent anyway. Right?”
Chapter 31: Another Chapter, Why the Hell Not
Derpy was muffing on fresh derpins and assorted broken chains from ex-wife, girlfriend, mother, sister. It is important to preserve the original content. Gets up, goes to toilet leans over throat, proceeds to stick finger down gym. Mais dat’s good yeah?
Uh-oh, it’s the cake show. He tells a story about Celestia practicing on one of the family's seven grand pianos, when she suddenly shouted at Derpy in the next room: "I cannot play when you are in the house, as I feel your skepticism seeping towards me from under the door!"
Person|Receive From|Donate To
Well everypony, it’s time for a PARTY!!!! Heck yes, it is.
So, we need some entertainment. Who shall we call upon?
PINKIE PIE!!! Yes, of course, but who else?
Who else would you need but meeeeee!!!!
Pinkie Pie? How in wide wide world of Equestria did you get in here?
Me? I just walked in, you silly filly.
But, what? How? Also, I’m not a filly. I’m a human.
What’s a human? Are you from the Everfree Forest?
No, not really. I’m living here, in New Jersey.
Wait here, I wanna get somepony.
Oh wow, Pinkie. It’s amazing in here.
...Twilight?! Is that you?
Yes. And I would like you to come back to Ponyville with us. I would like to study you!
YES!!! And then we can have a PARTY!!!!
Ok! Here I come!
Goodbye to anypony who is reading this. I hope you can find your way to Equestria someday.
I have to profess to you all... that I also browse ponychan! I have a crush on some of the mods and some of the members. I love you all, ohmygosh im so excited, to be a mrsexcitedmcciteypants i love you all!!!! BYEEEE~~~~~~~
Princess Celestia and Pinkie Pie were riding a speedboat down a huge river while people with guns were shooting at them. Celestia was at the front while Pinkie pie was in the back driving the boat. They had just escaped an airplane boneyard while avoiding spec ops troops; They drove a car into an AC-130 in order to escape.
Rainbow Dash had betrayed Pinkie Pie, and Princess Celestia was coming with him to go avenge Pinkie Pie. Dash was in another speedboat and they were going across rivers and lakes to catch up.
Suddenly, there was a huge waterfall. Both fell. Pinkie Pie woke up at the bottom, weak and only having a knife. She found a guy but the guy had no bullets and she just knifed him for no reason. She stumbled on until she got punched by Rainbow and stabbed. She woke up while Rainbow Dash had a revolver and was going to exact his revenge. SUDDENRY, Princess Celestia comes in and beats rainbow dash. Pinkie tries to go for the gun but its kicked out of her way by the Rainbow Dash fighting Pinkie Pie. Suddenly, Pinkie Pie takes the knife out of her chest and throws it at Rainbow Dash, thus ending the assassination attempt.
Then a russian guy comes in a helicopter and says
"I know a place"
and then credits of
CALL OF CUTIE, MODERN CUTCINERA 2
Chapter 32 - One Chapter too many
Rainbow Dash stared lustfully into Pinkie Pie’s eyes, the two ponies lay curled up together in bed, the sheets covering most of their bodies. The fire crackled, a small puff of smoke flew into the air, quickly disappearing. The cold winter night brought lots of snow, more than the flight crew had originally intended to make, and way more than they could control. Rainbow Dash had been caught outside in the terrible storm, not able to make it to her own house in the sky, lucky for her, Pinkie Pie noticed and brought her in.
“Sooooo Dashie... Are you still cold?” Pinkie Pie asked, smiling widely. She obviously didn’t realize Dash’s feelings toward her, and the only motive SHE had, was keeping Dash warm.
Dash slowly nodded, not wanting to leave, “Y..Yeah.. Still chilly.”
Pinkie Pie giggled, and looked up at the ceiling, “I wouldn’t have ever expected a weather pony like yourself to be caught in such a storm!” She scooted closet to dash, almost touching her now, “It’s a good thing I found you!”
Rainbow Dash’s breathing became slightly heavier, she could feel her heart racing as Pinkie Pie got closer. It took all of her strength to hold back her lustful urges, she didn’t want to loose Pinkie Pie as a friend... She couldn’t risk it, so she closed her eyes, “Yeah...”
Her eyes opened wide as Pinkie Pie scooted closer, their bodies now touching eachother, “You sure you’re okay Dash? You look a little red..”
Dash couldn’t control herself, quickly jumping up, she practically tackled Pinky, who was completely taken by surprise. In a single swift movement, Rainbow Dash’s lips met Pinky’s her eyes closed tight. Dash pulled away quickly, looking at Pinkie Pie in the eyes, “I... I’m sorry...” She started to get off of Pinkie Pie, but the other pony’s pink hoof stopped her.
Pinkie Pie giggled, “I’d hardly call that a kiss silly! C’mon Dash, I know you can do better!”
Dash was surprised at Pinkie’s comment, but didn’t hesitate to kiss her again. This time though, the kiss lasted a lot longer. After what seemed like an eternity, She slowly broke it, both the ponies not breathing heavily. Rainbow Dash opened her eyes slowly to see Pinkie Pie staring at her with the same look she was giving her moments earlier. Smiling, Dash whispered quietly into Pinkie’s ear, “How would you like to taste the Rainbow..?”
Pinkie Pie giggled, “I already have! It’s not that great really, its like a combination of spicy, ho- OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I get it!” The two of them couldn’t help but laugh, but it didn’t do a thing to kill the mood.
The two ponies rolled over, Pinkie Pie now on top, giving her another quick kiss, she slowly slid down until her head was between dash’s le-THEN THEY HAD SWEET, SWEET PONY LOVE ALL NIGHT LONG.
But SPIKE SUDDENLY BURST INTO THE ROOM WITH HIS AMAZING MOUSTACHE.
THEY COULDN’T CONTAIN THEMSELVES AND RAPED HIM TOO
“STRAP-ON, LETS GO.” said pinkie pie.
Then, they had pony sex. The end.
Chapter You - What the hell is --
Once there was a young pony named Truffle Parts. She -- wait, did we already do this?
The smoky landscape of Ponyville at night excited my senses. The fog curled around even the most abstract of buildings and leaned in to kiss the windows. I walked towards a late-night cafe near the boutique of a fine doll named Rarity. I wasn’t going here to sit down and get comfy, though. I had a case to solve. My name’s Derpy. Derpy Hooves. P.I. And there’s a killer on the loose. Word says Rainbow Dash was discovered face down in a ravine, bloodied as all hell. She’s at the hospital right now, I suppose, being reconstructed by a bunch of people, having whatever she’s got left stitched together. Poor girl. CONTINUE THIS
Chapter 32.25 & 1 Quark
Rainbow dash was enjoying her day off flying through the sky, when the incredulous though of “What epic shit shall i do next” popped into her mind. Then suddenly OUT OF FUCKING NO WHERE came a mirror image Pegasus pony of Dash but with inverted colours, that flew up right up beside her and was all like “sup Rainbow D, it’s been a while since you took that amount of LSD before flying, i hope this is gonna be worth it.” Dash could not believe what she was seeing until suddenly a loud *THUMP* broke her trance and when she opened her eyes she was on the floor of her cloud based home with the bag of LSD stamps empty and dash mounted upon her favorite toy that was stuck to the mirror laying on the floor. Dash let out a long pleased sigh as she sunk back down on her toy and took a deep toke from her poison joke joint.
Chapter 32.5 - ….. MORE????
Fluttershy was cuddling with Applejack in a dark room. They were kissing and snuggling together. “I love you,” said applejack. “Oh my, Applejack... well... um... I love you too,” responded Fluttershy. “OKAY. GOOD JOB! CUT AND PRINT,” said Photofinish. “ZAT WAS DE BEST PLAYCOLT MAGAZINE WE WILL EVER PRINT! IT WILL ZELL MILLIONZ!,” Photofinish exclaimed. “ALZO, HER IZ YOUR CHECK!,” Photofinish gave Fluttershy and Applejack their 3000$ pony dollars. “Why thank you miss,” said Applejack. “But we’ll be leavin’ y’all now. Toot toot
Check em I
Chapter 33 - That time we all did the - Wait, what?
Twilight Sparkle was sitting by her bed, finishing one of her favorite stories to pass the rainy day. Spike was already asleep, snoring as loud as ever. Twilight didn’t mind. She had gotten used to his snoring through her restless nights.
“Well then, I think that’s enough for tonight.”
She put her book away in the same place as ever, in the “Favorites” spot in her library. She then noticed a book she hadn’t read in ages.
She looked at Spike, “Still lost in his dreamland”. She thought.
She then got that mysterious tome from the shelf. She opened to the bookmarked page, and began to remember her antics back in Canterlot.
She snuck over to Spike, as if she were going to set off an alarm if she walked too quickly. She looked at her book, and began to concentrate her magic.
Her whole body turned transparent for a second, before her eyes had gone blank. The Twilight Sparkle in the library was just a shell now. The REAL Twilight Sparkle turned into smoke, and had escaped the ears of the hollow body.
She floated over to Spike, and began to crawl into his ear, like a parasite.
The hollow body, now free of spirit, wandered outside.
A few seconds later, smoke Twilight had done it. She had successfully infiltrated Spike’s dream world.
After a quick glance around, she noticed something very strange. She was in Rarity’s house, that she was certain of. But the dresses weren’t there, None of Rarity’s belongings were there.
After a moment of thought, she decided to give the house a tour, trying to see if anything else was different. A closed door blocked her passage. She tried to open it, but it was locked from the inside. She then used her magic (which she is still able to use in dream worlds, like seriously) to unlock it. She then opened the door. Instantly, a loud voiced boomed
“OPEN THE DOOR, GET ON THE FLOOR, EVERYONE WALK THE DINOSAUR!”
Suddenly, she felt dizzy and nauseous. Twilight then got knocked out of Spike’s dream and into the real world again.
“Ugh, that was weird.” She thought to herself. “Better stop these crazy antics befor-...”.
She then noticed that her body wasn’t there anymore.
“Dang it!” She muttered, “Now I know why I had stopped doing these sort of things.” She looked out of her window, only to find her body in the distance, knocking things over like Derpy Hooves on a normal day.
Twilight’s ethereal form sighed, and began to work her way towards the door. She slipped under it and began to chase after her body. She then noticed Pinkie Pie house, and she proceeded to let out an evil chuckle. She snuck under the Pink Pony’s door when suddenly.
“STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM! Nobody breaks the law on my watch! I’m confiscating your stolen goods. Now pay your fine, or it’s off to jail!”
Twilight didn’t have much options, she didn’t have enough money to pay the fine, and she didn’t want to go to jail. She also couldn’t afford the stat decrease. She hit “resist arrest”.
“THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD!”
Twilight then ran away as the Benny Hill theme song started playing in the background.
Twilight moaned in pleasure as a brony massaged her hooves. “Oh, Shoobie Doo Shoop Shoobie Doo, this is so amazing,” said Twilight. “Hey Scooby,” said PSP!, an often known ponychan browser. “What’s up? I see you’re running a great spa.” “Yeah PSP,” said scooby. “Marceline is watching TV and browsing Ponychan though.” “Who?,” said PSP. “OH HER, that vampire queen girl? What about that Czarina Wreath-whatever girl?” “Oh her. Well she’s with Twilightsparkle on a relaxing walk in the park,” said Scooby.
“PUT YOUR HANDS UP I HAVE THE HIGHEST BAN COUNT,” said SCOOTALOO!, the Moderator, as she held up her ponygun and pointed it at the boys. “THIS IS AN ILLEGAL OPERATION.” “YEAAAAH,” said Brookyln Rage, another common person at ponychan. “What the hell is this,” said MetalLink, as HawkeyePierce entered the room. “Oh, we’re just arresting these CRIMINAL SCUM,” said Scootaloo. “Oh shoot boys, we should get out of here,” said PSP and Scooby. “We’re totally gonna get in the cells now!”
“◕◡◕◕◡◕◕◡◕◕◡◕◕◡◕◕◡◕◕◡◕◕◡◕◕◡◕◕◡◕◕◡◕◕◡◕◕◡◕” Suddenly, this character invaded. “Aw shoot,” said Tinker. She suddenly surrounded the area with her face, glaring and starting. “Oh what the heck now? I am making an arrest,” said Scootaloo. “DAH FACK; RUN FOR IT,” said Scooby and PSP. They both magically summoned bikes, and rode them like their lives depended on it. However, Hawkeyepierce was able to use his bow and arrow to stab their tires, and they halted to a stop. Scootaloo caught up to them and arrest them for ponies.
Has anypony really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
Chapter 34 - The Rule We All Secretly Want To See
It was a dark and stormy night, at least in the book Twilight Sparkle was reading. In reality, it was fairly clear, but quickly approaching dusk. Finishing her current chapter, she stuck a bookmark in and levitated it neatly back to it’s place in one of the many bookshelves in the library. She had yet to probe the libraries deepest shelves for knowledge, and in all the time she had spent living here, she had only gotten through maybe 20% of the books. There was always a new section she was discovering, either on accident or out of curiosity. On this day, however, she would discover a dark section of the library that she was not meant to see.
As she set the book in it’s place, she noticed something peculiar about the bookshelf it was in. It seemed to be on an angle, different from that of the rest of the library. What could cause that, she had no idea. With a bit of investigation, she found that the bookcase was able to be turned slightly, with a bit of force, but something was blocking the mechanism to complete the rotation. Mustarding up an invisibility spell, she peered through the bookcase to see what was the cause. Wedged in the back of the bookcase was a clearly old and very dusty book, preventing it from turning more than a few centimeters. This was the perfect opportunity to try out double casting, she thought to herself. Half of her horn began to glow a light blue color as the book was lifted from it’s spot, allowing the shelf to move. With a quick sigh of relief when she was finished channeling the spells, Twilight nudged her head against the bookcase, flipping it around to reveal an entirely new set of books.
“What is all of this?” she said out loud, looking at the bookcase. It had visible signs of aging, with cobwebs and dust littering the shelf and it’s contents. Most of the books were so dirty that the names on their spines weren’t even visible anymore. Using her magic she pulled one off the middle shelf and set it down in front of her. With a soft breath she blew the dust off of it, but needed to rub it with her hoof to fully reveal the title.
“Whips and Chains - A Beginner’s Guide to Bondage” she read out loud. Suddenly, a voice called out from behind her.
“What was that Twilight?” Rainbow Dash said, entering the library.
“Oh, sorry I didn’t notice you Dash.” Twilight responded. “I was just reading a title of a book I found. It was on a hidden book shelf.”
“Hidden? Sounds cool!.” Dash replied, walking over. “What is this book even about?”
“Well, I can only assume it’s some sort of horror novel. Whips and chains can be used as torture devices after all!” Twilight said, studying over the book.
“Awesome, can I skim through it?” Dash asked, eyeing the cover.
“Sure, have a look.” Twilight replied, taking a different book from the shelf. “This one is called... ‘101 Fun Positions’. I wonder what for. Sports maybe?” She flipped open the cover and skipped a few pages in.
“Uh... Twi... this isn’t a horror book.” Rainbow Dash said, looking up from her book and staring at Twilight.
“And this... isn’t... about sports...” Twilight murmured, her eyes skimming over the graphic images in the book.
“Are... all of those like this?” Rainbow Dash asked, motioning to the shelf.
“I... I think so...” Twilight said, blankly. She quietly closed the book and set it back in it’s place.
“Well... what now?” Rainbow Dash asked, closing her book as well.
“We should probably... uh...” Twilight started, but she couldn’t think of the words to say. The things she saw changed her life, and she wasn’t sure what to do with this new ‘information.’ Just then, Dash got closer.
“You know...” she said, quietly. “We could just... try it out.” The words made Twilight blush. She couldn’t. Not with Dash. She wasn’t ready.
“Dash... I... I can’t. Not here, like this. I need some time to think.”
“If you insist, Twi.” Dash said solemnly, slowly backing away. She wouldn’t press the issue. “You should uh... probably put those things away.”
“Yeah.... I should.” Twilight replied, trying to regain her composure.
“Alright, I’ll see you around. Y’know, flight practice and all.” Dash said, turning to leave. “And just so you know... my offer still stands.” With that, she left the library.
Twilight was at a loss for words as she put the last book on the shelf and carefully turned it around, so that it’s normal set of books were showing. With one look at the corner where the shelf and wall met, she took something into careful consideration.
“One day, Dash... one day.”
Then Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash made out. The talent agent looked at them in shock.
“Well,” he asked. “What do you call this...act?”
Rainbow Dash looked at him and smiled. “It’s...the Aristocrats!
Chapter ???: Epilogue
Twilight awoke from her deep, disturbed slumber. Her dreams kept getting stranger and stranger. Ponies? Old Spice? Magic? Revolution? What did it all mean? Only time could tell. She picked up her phone and dialed the number for her friend Dash. After several rings, there was an answer.
“What do you want now, Twi?” Dash said, groggily. “It’s nearly four in the morning and I have practice tomorrow.”
“I’m sorry, Dash.” Twilight apologized, “but I’ve been having those dreams again.”
“What, the ones where everyone we know is a horse or something?”
“Whatever. I’m sure it’s nothing. Just go back to bed, will ya?”
“Alright... I’ll try. Thanks for answering.” Twilight responded, putting the phone down. If this kept up, what would she do?
“Confound those ponies...” she muttered, laying back down. Then she got to thinking, what would it be like to live that way? With magic, flying, and friendship all around. It could be nice, she thought to herself. Sometimes, she wished it were true. “And maybe it will be someday...” she thought to herself. “After all... Friendship is Magic.”
TE ENDS.... OR IS IT?!
Nope, it isn’t. toot!
THE PREQUEL - BUT WHY, BECAUSE..... WE HAD TO. THE C!
Looking at the Internet the beautiful mare chuckled lightly to herself. “Oh those silly humans, always getting up to so much mischief. I guess IT’S TIME TO EXECUTE SOME HUMAN SCUMBAGS! HOORAH! FUCKING JOHN MADDEN TIME BABY!” The crazy Alicorn shoved her horn into the disk drive and began shouting. “JESUS FUCKING, GET THAT SHIT IN! GET THAT SHIT IN! GET IN, GET YEAH YEAH YEAAAH A wild ENGY appears, and says NOPE. ITS SUPER EFFECTIVE
You have been cupcaked from 4chan for the following reason: brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrb
Looking at the message the white Alicorn cried because of this injustice. THEN SHIT GOT FUCKED UP AND SHE KILLED EVERYPONY. FUCKING SUN MAGIC MIRACLE BULLSHIT, HOW DOES IT WORK?
THE EPILOGUE’S FINALE
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE BRONY WHO KEPT DELETING THIS SUFFERED FROM A MASSIVE STROKE AND DIED. How come I can’t cupcake all these cupcakes?
THE TALENT AGENT LOOKED AT THE BODY, HORRIFIED. “WELL,” HE ASKED. “WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS ACT?”
I LOOKED HIM STRAIGHT IN THE EYE AND LAUGHED THE LAUGH OF ONE WHO KNOWS THE HELL THAT AWAITS HIM IN THE AFTERLIFE. THE LAUGH OF ONE WHO DOES NOT CARE, AND WISHES ONLY TO INFLICT SUFFERING DURING HIS BRIEF, MISERABLE EXISTENCE. THE LAUGH OF THE DAMNED.
“IT’S CALLED...” MY WHITE TEETH SHINE OUT IN A SMILE. “THE ARISTOCRATS.”
And then it began to rain potatoes.
Extra Chapter: Song lyrics
Art of the TOOT
TOOT by TOOT, TOOTING it together
Twilight’s TOOT, TOOTING up the pattern
TOOT BY TOOT
Giggle at the TOOT
When I was a little TOOTY and the sun was going TOO-OOOOOT
(Tell me she’s TOOT)
The TOOTNESS and the TOOTs always make me TOO-OOOOT
I’d hide under my TOOT for what I TOOT I saw
but Grandma TOOT said that wasn’t the TOOT
to TOOT with TOOTs at all
(then TOOT is?)
She said TOOTY you gotta TOOT up tall, learn to TOOT your TOOTS
you’ll see they can’t TOOT you, just TOOT to make them TOOT TOOT
TOOT TOOT TOOT
TOOTLE at the TOOTLY
TOOTAW at the TOOTLY
TOOT up at the TOOTY
TOOT it up with the TOOTY
TOOTLE at the TOOTY
TOOTLE at the TOOTY
And TOOT that big dumb scary TOOT to take a TOOT and TOOT you alone and if he thinks he can TOOT you then he’s got another TOOT comin’ and the very TOOT of such a TOOT just makes you wanna....
Winter Toot Up
Three months of winter TOOTING, and TOOTING holidays.
We’ve kept out TOOTSIES warm at home, time off from TOOT to TOOT.
But the TOOT we’ve grown is TOOTING out, and blablablabla
Winter TOOT up, Winter TOOT up!
Let’s TOOT our holiday TOOT!
TOOT at the TOOT
TOOT at the TOOT
TOOT at the TOOT
TOOT at the TOOT
Bonus: It’s just a hop skip and a TOOT!
A TOOT skip and a jump!
A hop TOOT and a jump!
A TOOT TOOT and a TOOT!
“Don’t look down!”
The brick joke chapter
And with all the bricks Pinkie found throughout the story, she built you a house! Too bad it was only to keep a secret that she’ll never ever tell! But hey, at least you know where to look now! Somewhere in suburban Virginia, a guy’s PSP bricked.
CHAPTER ∞: THANK YOU FOR READING THIS BOOK
This was a triumph
I’m making a note here
It's hard to overstate
Yarubeki koto chiyo.
Sore wa ikiteru
Hito datte no tame.
Shippai suru datte
daketemo shikatta ga nai
CAKE no tameni yashinanai
Soshite subarashii juu
ikiteru hito no date...
Not really, continue reading.
Signed - Time Allene
Khan: What? I’m right here. Literally in earshot. You don’t have to yell.
OATMEAL*clop clop clop*
Chapter n (who knows where this fits?? Lol): The destroying of the ring
Twilight stood before the blazing pool of magma inside mount Moridor. Twilight, continually enchanted by ring couldn’t bring herself to dispose of the ring. “Twilight, get rid of the ring now” Spike pleaded, “It’s mine” claimed Twilight as she slipped the ring over her hoof and tried to make a run for it. Before Twilight could escape however the great and powerful Trixie was upon her struggling with Twilight’s hoof for the ring. Before long Trixie bit off a chunk of Twilight’s hoof and began to dance around with the ring. Spike, in anger, was about to push Trixie off the edge and into the lava when all of a sudden the mahogany cyborg tree Fluttershy crashed into the mountain and stopped him. “Bronies don’t push others into magma you meany, I’ll take the ring down into the magma for I no longer have any friends due to this disease.” The other three said “k” and left the mountain. Fluttershy picked up the ring, grabbed a chain to stand on and lowered herself into the magma, waving goodbye to no-one because the other 3 had left already.
Moments later: Fluttershy burst from the magma cured of her disease. Magma was the cure for cyborg tree disease, and Ponies don’t die for real anyways. But Fluttershy didn’t emerge as a normal pony, she emerged as a wicked pony of darkness for the anger that her friends would simply let her sacrifice herself tainted her heart. Fluttershy didn’t stay a pony of darkness cause she was one of the elements of harmony or something. Fluttershy flew back to the ledge and then proceeded to walk outside of the mountain to look upon the battle.
When Fluttershy saw what she did, the thousands of corpses upon the ground she screamed a roar that shook the foundations of all the worlds, pony land, moridor, etc.
AND SUDDENLY, STEVEN MAGNET OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE:
PART 2 PREVIEW
Twilight was walking down the snow covered road of Ponyville when she saw a huge flashing sign used for construction. Immediately she stopped and began to poke at the buttons when a group of youths walked by and called her a faggot. She immediately bludgeoned them in the face with her cutlass that is always kept by her side for just an occasion. Lulz were had by all. And then they all fucked. THE END. OR IS IT. IDK I GUESS WE’LL FIND OUT NEXT WEEK ON PONYBALL AF.
----COMMENTS SECTION I GUESS----
No comments section yet?
Why how come not?
Yo man LOOK THERE ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------>
Pony Please, this is only the most amazing fanfic since part 1....I mean for real, any pony can see that this deserves to be on The Oprah Whinnefre Show.
IT’S A SECRET TO EVERYPONY!!!
OMG, it’s a distraction!
I thought the last chapter needed some gratitude.
what is this I don’t even
Hey, gaiz, whats going on?
Hi, its Moony. I backed it up... juuuust in case. Will do so every five minutes now. Carry on!
Yeah, I’m backing it up as well..
DO YOU WANNA FEEL SO ENERGETIC?
TRY WITH ALL NEW FLAVORS LIKE MANANA, FIZZBITCH AND BRICK
WHO TOUCH MY GUN?!
Metal Link here, this should be on Equestria Daily. LOLOLOLOLOL
I am a cake. I can fly.
I’m just an Internet, each day I Internet, I love Internet, I’m an Internet.
IM GUD AT WRITING
I CAN WTIRE GUD
RED DRAGON QUE
Alexstrazsa here. This is fun. :D
Strawberry Spice here, this is great <3
Hi, I’m MosuMosu, and it’s my fault there’s a Jamie McCrimmon pony.
Don-0!NiGHT making his mark. (This feels like graffiti)
I invented Neon Dash. Now the ball is in your court drawfriends.
Hey why does it keep disappear
It was those Jews I beting, or is it just me? ;_;
Someone is deleting it. We lost about three minutes of progress there. ~ Moony... ehehe sorry about the face
OH MY GOD YOU SPLIT MY FACE
People are deleting it
But we’re getting backups so it’s okay
well not okay but yeah
Who wants some cake!?
I’m typing in ComicSans and nopony can stop me! -TheRecordsKeeper
R.I.P. My wife Aunt Jemaima. She died while writing this cause she was so fat and full of syrup. ~Colonel Sanders
I laughed out llout?
Luna, where’s my money?
In Rarirty’s wallet/mouth
That’s where she keeps her internet money
~Elah the Immortal
In your grave
~Elah the Immortal
I love you guys
HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!LISTEN LISTEN HEY LISTEN LISTEN HEY LISTEN LISTEN LISTE SHUT THE HELL UP NAVI!!!
We need more songs!!!
WE NEED CHOPPER BACKUP
Get to the choppaaaaaa!
WOLOLO! Their pylons are mine now.
NO, GUYS WE NEED TO EXPLORE
I’m Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite Internet on the Internet.
I’m not okay with this.
plz stop shoutin :(
I can’t deu it, cap’tn. I duhn’ haf the poweur!
Maybe we really did need education - Every member of Pink Floyd
I just had a SEIZURE - Random HOBO in an internet cafe
CHAPTER SUMMARIES HERE:
BOOM BOOM BOOM NATURE BLOSSOM BOOM
1. Celestia recieves a delicious advertisement.
2. Bill Cosby. That is all.
3. Pinkie in the Pie with Diamonds
4. STEVEN MAGNET STEVEN MAGNET STEVEN MAGNET
5. DashxPie and Old Sauce Pokemon Battles
7. Ted Bundy changed friendship, Celestia became a dictator, revoulution. It’s all a story.
8. WAR (it never changes).
9. Real heavy stuff, Doc
10. This chapter is now DIAAMONIUM
11. HitIar feels inadequate
12. Luna contemplates her fate, while Derpy blows something up AGAIN.
12.18759. Celestia pays a visit to everyone’s favorite Old One, Rainbow Dash gets laid, and we pay a visit to the Hall of Just- The person who wrote this summery has been set on fire. -The Editors.
12 ½. A mysterious pony comes to ponyville and lifts it with magic.
12 7/9. Twilight Sparkle found a book called Speedsters Gone Wild with a NAUGHTY picture of Rainbow Dash and Gilda in the back. But Rainbow Dash crashed and took it.
13. Twilight Sparkle confronts Rainbow Dash afterwards, and stuff happens.
14. Derpy, the Doctor, and Jamie McCrimmon go grocery shopping. With some weird thing before it.
15. What has tobe done, you better run baby run, faster than my bullet BUT THAT’S NOT ALLandthenpeanutbuttersaiyantime
16. Pinkie Pie breaks reality (twice)
17. Gilda breaks the world
18. EXPLOSION COMMOTION THEME SONG FOR NATURE BLOSSOM EXPLOSIONS
19. It was lost.
20. Users require more imput + Pimptopia
-π. Pingas, redrum, and Notch
21. Lol Dictionary
I can’t hold them. Pony Wars: A New Friendship
22. We herped the derp
23. Zecora’s secret recipie
24. Twilight shows off her civil engineering
Random. We herped the derp 2: Electric Boogaloo
25. Twilight fights goblins and an anaconda
26. fuck you - me
29. The Dark Truffle Parts
28. Wi not trei a holiday in Sweeden this yer?
31. What is it with dolphins????
33. Twilight tries to mess with people’s heads
???. Twilight wakes up(in the morning feelin’ like P Diddy) and finds out it was all a dream. Holy shit inception timez (we need to go deeper)
??? + 1. TOOT TOOT TOOTOOOOOOOOOOOT
Leafing the dream...
What is this. dono
What is what now?
Well, just you wait.
Wait for what?
What are we talking about?
Braeburn: Who, or what are you?
Cybercolt: We are called Cybeeercolts.
Cybercolt: Yes, Cybercolts. We were exactly like youuu once, but our cybernetic scientists realised that our race was getting weak.
Braeburn: Weak?? How?
Cybercolt: Our life span was getting shooorter, so our scientists and doctors devised spare parts for our bodies until we could be almost coooompletely reeplaced.
Apple Bloom: But that means you're not like us! You're robots!
Cybercolt: Our brains aaare just liike yours, except thaat cerrtain weeeaknesses have beeen reeemoved.
Braeburn: Weaknesses? What weaknesses?
Cybercolt: You call them eeemotions, do you not?
Apple Bloom: But, that's terrible! You mean you wouldn't care about someone in pain?!
Cybercolt: There would be no need. We do not feel pain.
Neon Dash: You are really dumb. for real. How can you be 20% cooler if you can’t feel 20% cooler? Also, I’m bi-lesbian.
OH MY GAH CYBERMEN ↑
Do you have to poop?
... yes :3 I did all over the story
that explains the brick
Dr. Whoof: I suddenly realised what the old proverb meant: "To lose is to win(THE GAME), and he who wins shall lose." It was all part of Celestia's trap to find out who wanted immortality and put him out of the way. She knew very well that immortality was a curse. Not a blessing.
WHAT IS THIS, I DONT EVEN. OH GOD WHY DID I ADD TO IT.
The dark, balding man lay fixed to his bed with straps, motionless and asleep. At the edge of his bed was a chart; in the upper left corner, his name, with his occupation below: Benjamin Russel, Author.
A doctor on the other side of a one way mirror was charged with checking the patient’s vitals, but informally distracted himself with a newspaper crossword puzzle. If he had looked at the instruments that monitored the health of his patient, he could have predicted that the man was about to awaken.
And suddenly he sprung to life and screamed a solemn declaration that echoed through the padded walls and into the the nearby hallway.
He collapsed into his bed
The next thing I knew was that the skeleton was in my room, and everybody walked the dinosaur.
AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT
The End srsly guize
BUT THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
another 20% coolness coming right áp. ok, then an angry dash pic, wait while i szörcs.
above offer taken back, sry.
Rainbow dash turned around, said “FUCK YOUR SHIT” and flew away, leaving Pinkie Pie in her new house. Besides, after cupcakes and all, I think it was gonna cupcake anyway cupcake.
Well well well, someone didn’t read part 1.5
The House of Derp
jesus christ what has happened here
Holy hell, this is going to be the best fanfiction of all time. OF ALL TIME. FOREVER! You Bronies are totally friggin’ awesome! FRIENDSHIP AND MAGIC EVERYWHERE IN THIS BITCH! -NoPonyMan
if you are reading this, AND want to add more chapters, then please find the last chapter and write between THAT and the COMMENTS section kthxhaveacupcake. (also im sure you’re reading this) Dont forget to insert the chapters number to the audio sections AND the title to the chapter list section you silly fillies :3
AND THEN THEY ALL fhuucgkgeedd :)
BASEBALL WITH HIS PENIS."
-SGT. PEPPERS LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND
You Lost The Game!
NO YOU DIDN’T
I USED AN ACTION REPLAY ON THIS SO CALLED “GAME”
bad story is us
amazing story is me
sad story is you
Who the fuck is
Why do spaceman dress like gays?
Official Theme: This.
And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make. - Paul McCartney